Young Writers Society

This brings to mind the poetry of Emily Dickenson, in that of the style it is written in. Usually I do not like poetry of this style because it seems forced, however you have broken my preconceived assumptions as has been done many times before on this website. Your line "A dance between lies, and truth" paints a very vivid picture in my mind. I like how you don't just use colors to describe but also describe the colors it makes it much more interesting to read.

Hello! Z here with a quick review.
All I can say is... wow. This is such a simple, yet powerful poem. I don't have grapheme-color synesthesia like you do, but I can kind of see why you might associate some of those colors with those words.
As whatchamacallit wrote, I do think another stanza that ties this poem up would be really nice, but the poem is still pretty good as-is.
One thing though, and this is just my honest, personal opinion, defining truth with truth doesn't make much sense to me.
Other than that, this is a really awesome poem!

Heya Lizzy! The title of your poem caught my interest so I thought I'd stop by with a review for you ^^

I actually have Grapheme–colour synaesthesia, which makes the concept of this poem extra relatable to me since I see words, letters, and numbers in my mind as having a certain colour! I loved seeing what colour you chose for each word, and like JoyDark said, your choices definitely make sense - even if my brain is like "what no no hope is red and love is light purple and—" xD

I also enjoyed how you set each stanza up as a definition of the word and repeated more or less the same structure each time; it made the poem easy to follow and understand. There are just a couple places where I have some small nitpicks to make the repetition a bit more consistent.

First, most of the stanzas have "Of [description]" as the third line, except for the first stanza. In the first stanza, you say "Hued with [description]..." -> I would suggest rearranging it slightly so you have the same pattern here. Something like "Of gray-blue hues and tinted green" would keep the same description but follow the same pattern as the subsequent stanzas.

Another small word choice I noticed was that stanzas two and three have their fourth line starting with "With [noun] of...". Here, I would suggest rewording one of them to get rid of the repetition, so that all the stanzas have a differently-worded last line. I'd say all-or-nothing is the best approach for repetition in a poem like this, and I think it would sound awkward to reword the first and last stanzas to match the second and third. ("With dance steps between lies and truth" just doesn't have the same ring to it <.<)

For example, maybe you could change "With curtains of deception and echos" to something like "Veiled in curtains of deception and echos". Feel free to use your own wording definitely, that's just an example I came up with off the top of my head so you can see what I mean!

Other than those very small nitpicks, I only really had one bigger critique/suggestion/idea I wanted to share! Right now, I feel a bit like the poem is lacking a plot or story or destination or conclusion -> it's a series of (lovely, poetic!) definitions that are all strung together, but it's not super obvious how they're connected and they don't seem to build to a climax or come to a conclusion. There's not one solution or way to address this, but a couple possible options could be:

>> add a final stanza that has a message or idea to tie the poem together / leave the reader with a specific impression or point.
>> rework the poem a bit so that Love, Hope, Lies, and Truth are characters or concepts that interact with one another -> maybe the message there could be which is the most powerful/important.
>> use the descriptions of each word to build a plot or progression of images (for example: early morning -> sunrise -> noon -> sunset -> evening)

Those would involve a lot of reworking the poem though, so if you're not interested in doing that, that's definitely okay - could just be some ideas to keep in mind if you ever decide to write another poem like this ^^

Anyway, moving on!

One of my favourite lines you have in this poem is "With curtains of deception and echos-" - it's a simple but very evocative image c: I also love all the sound devices you use throughout. The hidden rhyme at the opening with "Hued" and "blue" makes it so fun to say aloud, and the subtle rhyme scheme you use in each stanza also adds a great flow and very soft, gentle vibe to the poem.

I thought you also chose some really big, hefty, important nouns to describe! Love, hope, lies, and truth are all things everyone is familiar with and can relate to and understand. I liked that 3 out of 4 of the words were 'positive' words, too; a lot of poems have a tendency to be really negative, but the fact that 'lies' was the only 'negative' word you chose kept the poem from becoming really dark or gloomy.

Overall this was a fun poem to read! I hope some of my points were helpful, and if you've got any questions about anything I brought up, feel free to ask!

Keep writing,

whatcha

Hello!

A short-and-sweet type poem where every word has significance in it. You don't sprinkle in adjectives where they are not necessary, nor do you stay so simple that no emotions can be invoked from the reader. A healthy balance. This is an interesting comparison between colors and concepts like "truth" and "lies."

Great work!
LCP ✻

WOW...all i can say is just amazing.
I love the descriptions and its not too detailed and that makes it cool.Its descriptive and i love it
all im gonna say is WELL DONE GOOD JOB!!

Hey, Lizzy! (Is it okay if I call you Lizzy? I’m sorry if it’s not, it won’t happen again if it’s bad *sweats*)

I just wanted to review this poem. When I read it, I think the words spoke to me initially because I assign colors to words often, which is what you’re doing here in a sense. I really love the way you described the words. “Love” is not a word I’d often picture in gray-blue, but as you describe it, it makes sense. There are soft shades for soft words like “love,” and while you do not explicitly say this, the meaning shows through your words.

Another thing I truly enjoy about this poem is its rhyme scheme. It’s not very complex, but it gives the lines a bounce to them, easy readability that gives pleasure to the person reading. The repetition of “a word” also sort of contributes to that easy readability. Easy readability, in my book, is a good thing, because it allows the meanings of what you are reading to shine, especially in poems. In this, for instance, instead of having to tangle my train of thought on convoluted sentence structure, I can simply read and understand. (Does all of that make sense?)

I love the description lines in this poem. I really like “Hope,” “of sunshine and shadows,” and “Lies,” “with curtains of deception and echoes.” The only word I really felt I disagreed with in your portrayal was “Truth.” I don’t quite understand how truth can be between lies, and, well, truth. Truth is truth, and although it can be twisted, there is always something factual, witnessed by the universe, not just witnessed by mankind. Because that is my interpretation of truth, I guess I don’t understand yours. It seems a bit confusing, and even though it’s eloquently put, I might make what you’re saying a bit more clear.

Overall: I very, very much like this poem, and I think others will too. It connects with me because of my assigning colors to words, and it connects to me because of your beautiful descriptions of said words’ descriptions. I think, in my very tiny opinion, that this is a definite thumbs up.