From the blue of the sun streaked sky,
To the shade of the trees on high.
~
From the no longer six feet apart,
To the smile so deep in my heart.
~
From the emerald green grass,
To the distance between us, ever so sparse.
~
From the golden sunshine glimmering down,
To run through forests without a frown.
~
The light shined down to our very feet,
While we chased memories down our street.
~
Colors dazzled all around willows,
Now gazing at pictures of little us as heroes.
~
This evening was magical,
No stress, nowhere was tragical.
~
We laughed and we ate,
Talked about love, talked about fate.
~
We smile and we cry,
At how we used to lie.
~
Now we sit, hand in hand,
Watch the sunset ‘cross the land.
~
We stare as the colors gaze,
So beautiful, no longer craze.
~
As things were just like our past times,
This time with a hell of a lot more risks and crimes.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!
I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!
Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions
I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS! the rhyming is perfect and adds so much for the readers as they read this poem. I feel really happy when I read this. its truly so pretty. reminds me of seeing friends after a long time. or seeing those who we can't see.
Ellie-mae
Thanks!
Happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!
I really enjoyed reading this poem! It reminded me a lot of seeing my friends for the first time in a long time after the pandemic; it felt so good to finally talk to them in person rather than through a screen. You definitely captured the vibe of the golden hours of friendship in this poem, and it made me smile while reading. Nice job!!
One thing I really enjoyed was all your color imagery. You provide the reader with such rich descriptions of the natural world. I think your returning to colors and light throughout the poem really shape what would otherwise be a nice evening between friends into a fully imagined, absolutely ecstatic meeting in an ethereal and intense-in-the-best-ways world. It added a lot to the mood, too, elevating it from pleasure to that sort of happiness when you feel like your heart is overflowing. Really nice work!
One thing I wondered about was the overall vibe you were going for. At the beginning, it seemed like it was reminiscent/nostalgic but also in the moment, too; you had all this lovely light filled imagery and it was absolutely gorgeous and helped built that beautiful environment full of friendship. But that line at the end, the "this time with a hell of a lot more risks and crimes" took a more sinister turn. To me, it felt completely out of place and a little contrived. I'd just start writing with a goal in mind so that lines like these don't crop up and make it inconsistent. If you did have a reason for putting it there, I'd love to hear it, though!!
One thing I also wondered about was your syllabic patterns. This is something I see a lot of, especially in rhyming poetry: sure, the lines do rhyme, but they don't have a nice flow to them. They sound nice as couplets, but as a whole poem, there's a lot of inconsistency, I feel. I think that establishing a rhythm at the beginning and then basing the poem off of that would help a lot to make it work as one whole thing, you know? Other than that, though, your rhyme scheme was delightful!
Overall: nice work! I'd just pay some attention to your goals with the poem, but other than that, your imagery was stunning and I loved the subject material. Until next time!!
Thank you for your review! In answer to your question: I don%u2019t know if there was a specific reason for that line, YourFriendQuirks08 wrote that part. Again, thank you for your kind review!
Cool poem.I like how the character reminiscences about the past and how things were easier back then.We all want to go back to when things were easier.My favorite parts are these last two lines:"As things were just like our past times,this time with a hell of a lot more risks and crimes."
This is relatable because,like I said earlier,We all want to go back to the good old days.
Good job! I loved the poem.
Thanks!
You really tried here ,this poem talks alot about shared moments it's really ok