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12+ Mature Content

Graveyard

by LizzyTyler


I stare at the cornrows

Of simple white stones,

Beneath my feet

Lie hero bones.

One large being

Yet each one its own,

They lie here in silence

Forever alone.


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15 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 15

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Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:30 pm
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CotardDelusionz wrote a review...



This is a short but great poem that is impactful without even having to say much by the pure topic of it and the way this is setup and selected words. Through this we get the realization of how sorrowful and sad their deaths really are. Many heroic individuals made the choice to put their lives on the line for others but are left alone, according to your words.




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62 Reviews


Points: 4935
Reviews: 62

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Fri Oct 08, 2021 5:30 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...



Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review! So... let's get started!

Mood, Tone, Perspective, Themes, and Narrative

This poem is very interesting! I normally don't particularly care for poems of short length, but this small eight line poem is so beautiful and speaks volumes.

The overall horrific and grotesque mood shows very well in this poem's simplicity. I just love it! Less is more after all sometimes. These emotions highlighted in the words accent this theme of death and darkness.

I just love this!

Language, Diction, and Style

Simplicity at it's core can either perfect or destroy a poem. Here it's definently the former. The choice in diction and vocabulary gives this poem a layer of elegance against all the dark and horror. Your minimal imagery works well too. It gives the reader room to imagine everything.

Like here:


I stare at the cornrows

Of simple white stones,

Beneath my feet

Lie hero bones.


This entire stanza of little images is beautiful and so eloquent.

Structure, Flow, and Rhythm

Because of how simple your poem is, mistakes are easier to see. And I see very little and won't even call them mistakes, really just quirks. Your rhythm is amazingly sound, and I rarely see that in young poets, including myself. It's perfection.

The four line structure works as well.

Grammar

In the lines, some punctuation and grammar could be improved.

I stare at the cornrows

Of simple white stones,

Beneath my feet

Lie hero bones.



One large being

Yet each one its own,

They lie here in silence

Forever alone.


Try this, but look at the punctuation.

"I stare at the cornrows,
of simple white stones.
Beneath my feet,
lie hero bones.

One large being,
yet each one its own.
They lie here in silence,
forever alone."

Auto capitalization is terrible for poets. Lines that utilizing enjambment don't all have to be capitalized.

Final Words

Beautiful poem! I've rarely seen one as near to perfection as this. I look forward to reading more from you. You're so talented.

~ Via




LizzyTyler says...


Thank you very much! I%u2019ll take your words into consideration! :D



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Points: 216
Reviews: 1

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Thu Oct 07, 2021 8:42 pm
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Sammmwich says...



That's deep. A really good poem at that.




LizzyTyler says...


Thank you very much!




You are going to love some of your characters because they are you, or some facet of you, and you are going to hate some characters for the same reason.
— Anne Lamott