I stare at the cornrows
Of simple white stones,
Beneath my feet
Lie hero bones.
•
One large being
Yet each one its own,
They lie here in silence
Forever alone.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
This is a short but great poem that is impactful without even having to say much by the pure topic of it and the way this is setup and selected words. Through this we get the realization of how sorrowful and sad their deaths really are. Many heroic individuals made the choice to put their lives on the line for others but are left alone, according to your words.
Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review! So... let's get started!
Mood, Tone, Perspective, Themes, and Narrative
This poem is very interesting! I normally don't particularly care for poems of short length, but this small eight line poem is so beautiful and speaks volumes.
The overall horrific and grotesque mood shows very well in this poem's simplicity. I just love it! Less is more after all sometimes. These emotions highlighted in the words accent this theme of death and darkness.
I just love this!
Language, Diction, and Style
Simplicity at it's core can either perfect or destroy a poem. Here it's definently the former. The choice in diction and vocabulary gives this poem a layer of elegance against all the dark and horror. Your minimal imagery works well too. It gives the reader room to imagine everything.
Like here:
This entire stanza of little images is beautiful and so eloquent.
Structure, Flow, and Rhythm
Because of how simple your poem is, mistakes are easier to see. And I see very little and won't even call them mistakes, really just quirks. Your rhythm is amazingly sound, and I rarely see that in young poets, including myself. It's perfection.
The four line structure works as well.
Grammar
In the lines, some punctuation and grammar could be improved.
Try this, but look at the punctuation.
"I stare at the cornrows,
of simple white stones.
Beneath my feet,
lie hero bones.
One large being,
yet each one its own.
They lie here in silence,
forever alone."
Auto capitalization is terrible for poets. Lines that utilizing enjambment don't all have to be capitalized.
Final Words
Beautiful poem! I've rarely seen one as near to perfection as this. I look forward to reading more from you. You're so talented.
~ Via
Thank you very much! I%u2019ll take your words into consideration!
That's deep. A really good poem at that.
Thank you very much!