Text:
We work at the bakery that makes roles.
Precious roles, roles fist-sized and just fluffy
enough to cushion our customers from
the meaningless nothing of everything.
.
Roles you can make slits in with a butter knife
and fill with butter, or jam, or peanut butter.
Love and hate. Peace and war. Anything.
About as certain as bread on the dinner table.
.
They entered through the door and left,
ringing the bell, for roles had become routine.
They couldn’t live without them.
Couldn’t get to work without one in their hand.
.
We worked at the bakery that makes roles
until the day people remembered
that roles are made, not given or born.
And they stormed the bakery.
.
There were custard trails dotted with flour,
and globs of jam spotting the streets – I saw
a young child squatting there, making a role,
somehow the white dough shimmered in the sun.
.
They made a chunky smooth buttered role.
A whipped-cream filled – a compote-condensed –
a chocolate fudge stuffed role, under the light
I could not see which, but it was wisp-like.
.
It glowed, and it meant something, to the child,
anyhow, their cheeks glowing with moondust,
as their small voice hummed a wandering tune –
high and low, fast and slow, stronger now, and stronger.
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Hey Lim!
I loved your use of metaphor in the poem and how perfectly you were able to continue on that line and still deliver your message so clearly. I also loved how on the surface, the poem seemed so simple and almost a little silly because of your descriptions of the rolls; but underneath, you portrayed the gritty and problematic reality of our society very well.
I loved your use of short sentences here. The 'anything' here suggests to me that people are ready to accept whatever role that is thrust upon them by society as long as those roles and comfortable and they have a purpose.
The ending resonated really well with the rest of the poem! It shows that when realizations strike and society collapses to give way to a new order, there is always the young and the new generation who is free and full of hope and ready to evolve.
Overall, this was a truly deep and metaphorical poem and thank you for sharing it with us!
Happy Social Month!
Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment, RandomTalks! I love that there was that simple vs complex/gritty contrast there - I hadn't noticed it when writing but now that you've pointed it out it totally makes sense :0 Thanks again!
Howdy Hey! Gengar here to leave a review!
The poem is about societal roles. Everyone feels like they must fit into a role. Without roles, what are we?
This is especially seen in the above stanza. People don’t know who they are without the roles they’re given, and society collapses.
Here we see a child making their own role, rather than one given to them. I think it’s really sweet that the child is forming their own identity among this mess.
There is one thing I would change, though:
I know this was probably intentional, but I didn’t really like the structure of this bit. I feel like “to the child” should be on the same line as “anyhow.” The structure wasn’t like this in the first half of the poem; it feels a little out of place.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this. I hope you have a good day/night!
—GengarIsBestBoy
Thanks for the review!
I am glad you revised this poem, now it's definitely better
I am glad you revised this poem, now it's definitely better
The original was good, but this revision was really great. Now we get to read about how the child feels. The child has a role that will shape and mold their life wonderfully. It means nothing to most but everything to the child. Their role might just save them. I have enjoyed reading this revision poem of yours. I can smell the baked goods from over here.
I wish you an amazing day/night.
Thanks for the review! Glad to hear the revision has improved on the original!
Many thanks for the feedback! I am relieved to learn that the revised version is an improvement over the original! wordle today