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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey Lim I was excite to see a poem of your's still in the Green Room for my first review of RevMo - this is a really solid one, and I enjoy the night / camping imagery we've got here.
Let me know if you wanted feedback on an aspect I didn't cover or have any questions about my review!
I love the moodiness of this poem - it comes across as soft and a little melancholy / brooding. It feels like as a reader we are just given this sliver of light peaking out from the tent opening and are filling in the details of the rest of the plot - making the title very fitting because the situation could be interpreted in a host of different ways.
My attempt at an interpretation ~
"After a fight, light /"
The subject gets in a fight maybe with a colleague / fellow-traveler, or their partner - the content of the fight is not revealed, maybe because it is not important compared to the other subjects.
"light / of moon creeps along his arm / reaching - he pulls back"
Despite being angry about the fight, the moon is bidding them come and rest - reaching out for resolution, though the speaker tries to stay put angry outside of the tent.
"The tent flaps rising and falling softly."
Nature again echoes the behavior of a person - and maybe hints at the other party of the fight not holding a grudge anymore because they are fast asleep. I interpret the subject's anger simmering more quietly / getting less intense as they see the moon-light and feel the breeze - they get restful and less angry.
"Sitting in silence / there on the hill"
to be "on a hill" evokes being removed - they're still at a distance and yet - "How he keeps / remembering love" - despite the fight, thoughts of love come to mind - making me question is the subject of their love in the tent? far away? gone? is their love the person they were fighting with, or another party altogether.
"The ocean will not / carry him away."
Since nature has been an active party in the poem so far, it is fitting that the final couplet make nature active again - though this time the subject is resolute in saying they will resist it pulling them away. I have all sorts of theories on what the final couplet might mean - maybe it's the reveal of what the fight was about - maybe they are a sailor or in the army or usually take the ocean to travel for work - maybe they are Odysseus, maybe they are speaking in a euphemism for death rather than distance / promising to themselves or their beloved that the ocean won't kill them. Very interesting!
Overall, I really liked the cohesiveness of the poem with the themes of nature influencing / acting like another character within the poem. There's some nice wrapping sound-devices to make the poem really nice to read "fight / light" - "creeps / reaching - he" ... "rising / falling / sleeping" ... "lots of alliteration in stanza 3 "sit / silence" "hill/how/he" .. "there/the" and then the absence of rhyme or alliteration in the final couplet makes that feel more resolute.
I am a little unsure about what the title means - because I read the final couplet to be very resolute / but maybe they are just trying to convince themselves that the ocean won't carry them away - what is the aspect of doubt?
I thought all of the punctuation made perfect sense - there wasn't any aspect that caused me to stumble reading or get confused. It's also a really nice length of poem where there enough to give a reader a lot to consider / think-up a story - but also it doesn't get wordy or excessive. I appreciate that the poem doesn't feel like it's "trying to be pretty" as some poems sometimes do with excess flowery language - and yet there is a softness and serene-ness to it - especially with the image of the moon reaching and the tent flaps moving.
I really enjoyed reading this for a second time and it seems like one could invent new stories of meaning with each reading of it!
Happy writing!
alliyah
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Thanks so much for the detailed review! I'm impressed how close your interpretation got to the original idea I had behind the poem! I think with the final line, one of the ways it could go would be that the love the figure has for the person they fought with isn't going to disappear, and so they won't be "carried away" by the force of the tide. That was kind of the general thing I was going for.
I'd meant for the "Ending" in the title to convey that doubt ends by the end of the poem. The brief instant of doubt was meant to be represented by the moon's light "creeping along his arm" before he pulls away (it is indeed very brief xD), with the thought that ocean moon are connected.
Thanks again for the review!
Hello there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment about your beautiful sonnet. While reading it, I know already that it was written by Lim. I don't have to read who wrote the poem hehe.
The first verse felt very peaceful night. Kind of reminded me of my short story, Thoughts That Ease My Mind. This is very short by the way, it could be posted in those daily poems you post on your wall. The narrator misses a person they are close with. I like how it suits the title of the poem, Doubtful Night's Ending. The night feels doubtful because you are missing a person who you are close. And that person is far away and as the plane he rode flies you lay in your bed, missing him. It may seem peaceful but there's a sense of sadness and a hardened heart. Great job on that!
Is it weird that I can hear a tent flapping while reading this? Plus, it was midnight when I'm reading this so yeah, I love the vibe it gives too. I have a suggestion, I think you should put a comma between the "nightly breeze" and the "the sleeping breath". I think the flow would be better too.
I love how the ending just turns out to be like this. I was right that the narrator misses someone in the peaceful night yet sad because of missing someone. The last line is great too.
Over all, it was pleasant to read this piece. Keep it up Lim! I love your other poems in the related items here. Have a wonderful day/night!
Thanks for the review Ina! I agree about the comma suggestion - it would make more sense for the calmer tone of the poem, too. Thanks again!
you're welcome!