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Diversion

by Liminality


Mid-morning sun
cats’ curling tails
in the air
between cobbles
and the underside
of the stairs
cream stone
and green grass.

I leaned against
the banister,
the thought
I had to put on
my costume
now blown away
like dandelion fluff
or cat hair
I reached out
the music
of purring.




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Questions for reviewers (if you'd like to answer them):

1. What do you think of the line "like dandelion fluff/ or cat hair" - does it squeeze too many similes/images into one description?
2. What do you think the "I" in the poem is doing/ thinking?
3. Ideally, how many cats should there be in this poem? (Or any poem?)


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240 Reviews

Points: 16328
Reviews: 240

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Fri Jul 28, 2023 8:45 am
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hi Lim! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment on your poem. This reminds me of a board I have on Pinterest and it has many cats, flower [mostly dandelions hehe], and the poem in general gives off that vibe. I forgot what was it called, something core? Anyways, time to answer your questions. <3

Liminality wrote:1. What do you think of the line "like dandelion fluff/ or cat hair" - does it squeeze too many similes/images into one description?

Personality, I do like it. Because I like it when people give a lot of description so I can imagine it more of what they are trying to say or show. I think it is okay also because it's either the image/simile looks like dandelion stuff or cat hair. But I also think that the car hair sounds more realistic instead of the dandelion stuff because you don't know what is the word for the "stuff" on the dandelion.

Liminality wrote:2. What do you think the "I" in the poem is doing/ thinking?

Some of the "I"s are doing but most "I"s are thinking.
Liminality wrote:3. Ideally, how many cats should there be in this poem? (Or any poem?)

Actually, it depends on the context of the poem. If it is mainly about cats but your poem, I think it is perfect. No need to add or subtract.

Over all, this poem is nice. I'm giving this a star! Keep writing! Have a great day/night!




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review!



AkuRashomon says...


you're welcome!!



AkuRashomon says...


you're welcome!!



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110 Reviews

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Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:16 am
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello Lim! The alpaca has come to give you a review! This is a light-hearted, airy piece, quite reminiscent of the cottage core aesthetic. Let's start the review, but let me review your work by answering your questions :D

1. What do you think of the line "like dandelion fluff/ or cat hair" - does it squeeze too many similes/images into one description?
- Personally, I really like the line "like dandelion fluff". It leaves the reader to imagine how it's like. Will it look like a field of dandelions, each head popping out like fluff? Will it look like a coherent sea of dandelions, wonderfully yellow or pure white? Even with such abstract description, I can imagine what the dress looks like and I believe it will be different for everyone which is the beauty of this description. The cat hair, honestly, threw me off though hahaha. Personally, dandelion fluff is a wonderful description and cat hair....maybe not as much

2. What do you think the "I" in the poem is doing/ thinking?
- What "I" is doing is relaxing and pensively looking into the distancing. As for thinking, there are so many things that "I" can be thinking. Perhaps their head is so full of troubling thoughts that they need a breather. Maybe they simply want to enjoy life so they are there at the balcony. Then again, you used the beauty of ambiguity to your advantage to engage the reader's imagination. This is something I need to improve on as I like to get straight to the point.

3. Ideally, how many cats should there be in this poem? (Or any poem?)
Two or more judging from the line "cats’ curling tails"
As for any poem, there is no limit to the number of cats you can include. Fluffy, cute, tame cats are great


Overall, this is a beautiful poem! It's something I would read again and again and still find it fresh and wonderful.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! I was thinking of 'cat hair' and 'dandelion fluff' as describing the "thought (that) I had to put on my costume" not the costume itself, but it's a lot of line breaks so it makes sense that you thought it meant the costume ^^' I'm glad the poem comes across as ambiguous - that was the idea :D



alpacaboss says...


Ohh alright! That makes it more abstract HAHAHA but still niceee




Chickens are honestly little dinosaurs. And they know it.
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