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Young Writers Society



Roles

by Liminality


Text version:

We work at the bakery that makes roles.

Precious roles, roles fist-sized and fluffy

enough to cushion our customers from

the meaningless nothing of everything.

.

Roles you can make slits in with a butter knife

and fill with butter, or jam, or peanut butter.

Love and hate. Peace and war. Anything.

About as certain as bread on the dinner table.

.

They entered through the door and left,

ringing the bell, for roles had become routine.

They couldn’t live without them.

Couldn’t get to work without one in their hand.

.

We worked at the bakery that makes roles

until the day people remembered

that roles are made, not given or born.

And they stormed the bakery.

.

There was flour in the streets,

and trails of custard and jam.

I watched a young child mold custard

into a role the shape of a fish.

.

Questions for reviewers:

1. How do you feel about the ending?

2. Does the form of the poem match the content?

3. Does it feel like something is missing? Or does anything feel unnecessary? 


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Sun Jan 29, 2023 3:27 pm
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yamatri wrote a review...



hey, I am here for the review.

At first, I thought the poem was about rolls, it's a nice word play you did with rolls and roles.

"Love and hate. Peace and war. Anything.

About as certain as bread on the dinner table."

this line is underrated, it nicely describes the role we assume, the Mould we make for ourselves to fit just so we don't have to think for ourselves how to deal with life the good girl , the bad boy, the obedient one, all these roles assume.


1 =I like the ending sense of the child taking her fate in her hand, but I don't like the line itself, why fish it's no help rhyme either nor I know any child wanting to be a fish.

2 =yep, the form matches the content.

3 =I don't think there is anything unnecessary or missing, the poem is quite complete and well written

I hope this helps.😊




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! The comment on the ending is helpful - I did also feel like the fish didn't seem like a 'fitting' place to end and needed more expansion or a more obvious character trait to link it to.



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Thu Jan 12, 2023 12:18 am
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summerdepressionexe wrote a review...



Hello! I really loved your poem and how it used the allegory of baking to convey how we create our roles in society and how they can limit us later (let me know if I'm interpreting that incorrectly).

As for your questions:
1) I loved the ending, it felt almost nostalgic to read.
2) The form of the poem matched the content perfectly, in my opinion.
3) It doesn't seem like there is anything missing or unnecessary.

Have a great day and keep writing!




Liminality says...


Yep, that's the interpretation I was going for! :D Thanks for the review!



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Wed Jan 11, 2023 6:31 pm
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hi, hello! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give you a quick comment/review. I found this in the Green Room and found it interesting. Anyways, let's get into it.

I love how you explained baking and molding your life as a young kid. It is very imagery because I can imagine the bakery and the smell of the bread and pastries around the shop. With your questions:

1. I think the ending felt cut short like the last stanza is not meant to be the ending. Maybe more description of the thing the kid was molding and the line was good as an ending line but not the other lines. Maybe you need to add something but don't lessen anything.
2. Yes. I think it is perfectly meant to be written like this.
3. A proper ending but there's nothing unnecessary.

I hope this helps you! Thanks for sharing a good poem. I would like to be friends with you someday too. Have a good morning, day, afternoon, or night.




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! That's a good idea about the ending. I was thinking of expanding the image of the child molding the role into another stanza. And I like to think of most YWSers as my friends, so I'd say we're friends already :D



AkuRashomon says...


You're welcome and thank you, my friend hehe! c:



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Wed Jan 11, 2023 3:03 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I think that the ending is actually pretty wholesome. A young child takes things into their own hands. Yes, the form of the poem does match how it’s written. Nothing feels missing or unnecessary to me. I feel like the speaker isn’t really talking about bakery roles, but the roles people give each other. The ending feels like the child is picking (molding) their own role in life.

I wish you a great day/night.




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! Yep, I was punning on the fact that 'rolls' (like dinner rolls or bread rolls) and 'roles' are pronounced the same way usually.



vampricone6783 says...


Cool. ^v^




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