A light appeared, like a giant
firefly resting by
the dark river.
You had returned,
your roof deceptively grey,
hard-packed, and your mouth
half-open, as if just to let
the breeze in.
I clambered between your teeth,
palms flat against the granite,
and inside felt the familiar warmth
of thousands of crystals brimming
with a pale, buttery gold,
a light from within.
Years ago I would paw
the sides with my hands
trying to find the source.
Now I stand, counting
the thin sharp shapes
as they spiral around the centre,
around me –
like chrysanthemum petals
drifting in tea.
Some questions for reviewers, if you'd like -
1. What do you think of the setting of this poem? Does it have a 'sense of place' and how might that 'sense of place' be improved?
2. Are there any words or phrases in the poem that seem unnecessary?
3. Do you have any ideas for the title? The one I have now is kind of 'generic' and so I'd like to hear your thoughts!