Young Writers Society

Hey there! here to wind down Review Day and try to bring my team a win while also reading some great poetry! So, here are a few notes for you:

1. I love this setting. I love poems about nature and things in nature. I love what is a fairly unique idea because while I've read poems of caves, and using the mouth as a metaphor is not entirely unique, I've rarely if ever read one about a crystal cavern.

2. I don't know if you know who Owl City is, but he has some of my favorite lyrics, and a lot of his music has very whimsical, fantastical lyrics that are not at all dissimilar to your own, so that's a big plus for me.

3. I love the idea of someone searching for and finally finding this cavern, and relating it to a friend The descriptors are on point, and you made it feel warm and fuzzy, which is how I remember a lot of summer memories from my childhood, especially outside in nature.

Overall this was a fun, easy-to-read, happy poem, that I really enjoyed, and will definitely have me following you in the hopes of more

~Messy

Helloooo Liminality! I'll answer your questions, then do a critique sandwich.

1) The setting is within the poem's title or a "cavern." I enjoy how you have personified this setting. Even without the title, there are takeaways here that also help guide the reader to this setting. Describing the crystals and how they are around the narrator helps build this. Without the title, this may be misinterpreted to be taken more literally with the description of the "mouth" and "teeth." Although I like this description and metaphor, more may need to be added to ease confusion. You could discuss how it is underground, emphasize rocks more, refer to its darkness, dreariness, or how water drips off those crystals or mounds.

2) The section "Years ago I would paw the sides with my hands trying to find the source" seems unnecessary.

3) Echoes in the Earth, Mysteries Below, Whispers in the Abyss

Onto my review sandwich! For the bread/my likes: You have personified the cave pretty well here. I enjoy the use of the word "chrysanthemum." You have several metaphors/similes. First, the light is compared to a firefly. Then, the roof to a mouth with teeth. Lastly, the spirals to petals in tea. I appreciate this imagery.

For the meat, I stand by the fact that you could add more so that the title is not the main component to keep the reader onto the setting/topic. You could incorporate many motifs and other elements to hone in on that more.

For the bread again, I summarize with my understanding of this being a personification of the setting of a cave/cavern. You have accomplished this. I appreciate your questions at the end. Kudos to you for this. This is a neat challenge to do: personifying a location. Wishing you well wherever you are in the world! ♡A

1. What do you think of the setting of this poem? Does it have a 'sense of place' and how might that 'sense of place' be improved?
The setting confused me at first. The title suggests that this poem is about a cavern, but the setting was highly personified - at some points, I thought we were talking about a human mouth. But as the poem went on, it occurred to me that this cave of glowing crystals might be a huge personification, and I understood at the end that we're in some kind of a cavern or mountain.

2. Are there any words or phrases in the poem that seem unnecessary?
The last stanza doesn't sit right with me for some reason. Particularly:

the thin sharp shapes
as they spiral around the centre,
around me –