Just for fun, this poem is actually a total rewrite of a poem I wrote for this year's NaPo. It uses the same general idea but a different setting and hopefully, a richer and more interesting approach.
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Sometimes we don’t fight monsters.
Sometimes we pick up scales and teeth
which beasts leave behind, and sell them
at a shady market at the docks.
Mostly we spend months gathering
map pieces, and urchins’ rumours,
to avoid heavily-guarded treasures
and sail from A to B, unharmed in the vortex.
A hero is mostly minding
the next step, and the next. The wind in the sail,
the mould in the planks.
Sometimes we don’t work for honour.
Sometimes we work for coin.
All clattering and clinking in the sack,
so the silent valuable things might one day
come back, and be with us at sea.
A hero is working a job to fix the world.
Nobody notices it. People expect it.
Except for people like you,
maybe, scraping and collecting
stray golden wishes,
wishes that we can stay like this,
just whiling the day away.
__
Author's note: I'm using the UK spellings for words like 'mould' (mold) and 'honour' (honor) here - just thought I'd mention that! Additionally, here are some questions for reviewers, if you'd like to answer them
1. What do you think of the poem's structure? Too many stanza breaks, too few? Too little story, too little description? etc.
2. What is the impression you get of heroes and of the 'you' in the poem?
Just for fun, this poem is actually a total rewrite of a poem I wrote for this year's NaPo. It uses the same general idea but a different setting and hopefully, a richer and more interesting approach.
[center]Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I really like the high fantasy vibe this gives off! To answer the second question, I kind of saw this as a jaded or retired old hero giving a speech to an aspiring hero about how the hero life actually is
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
This is kinda answering the first question: I think the poem's structure works pretty well in most places, except for this stanza:
A hero is mostly minding
the next step, and the next. The wind in the sail,
the mould in the planks.
Oh very interesting poem, Lim! I love this perspective of a hero's life <3
Favorite phrases: "and sail from A to B" and "the mould in the planks."
Hiya! Ley here to review.<3
First impressions... I'm a sucker for old-timey, English poetry. This gives me a fantasy vibe as well, which I'm digging! I wished that I was inside the poem-- and with your use of imagery I was really able to picture it in my head.
When I was reading this I felt... Epic, longing for adventure. Now that I think about it, this reminds me of a cool prologue to an awesome fantasy-driven novel!
My favorite line/quote is...I chose these two lines because I feel like they also can be compared to life now, how everyone can be a hero but everyone expects it, and when they are heroes, nobody would notice. I loved this stanza:
A hero is working a job to fix the world.
Nobody notices it. People expect it.
Points: 41733
Reviews: 545
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