• Home

Young Writers Society

Waterjet Stories

by Liminality

There, on the waterjet
streaks of blue-white
we catch a motherlode.
Jot down sharp breath moments
and the one crystal thought.
Drop the rest
into salt-spray.

This boat does not fill
with love-hunger.
This boat is sharp
and bright,
like an iceberg,
the broken tip.

Those who push
through the hard surface
against dark waters
find themselves
pressing their lips
against the light

If they turned,
if instead of floating
they dove –
they’d find the troves
of glittering bioluminescence.

But these are the tracks
they ride on, green seafoam,
the mid-day sun,
the crashing waves,
the stained flanks,
of the boat,
out there
doused in blue-white
scraped by salt.

Is this a review?



User avatar
105 Reviews

Points: 10330
Reviews: 105

Mon Sep 04, 2023 8:14 am
alpacaboss wrote a review...

*crash* *cat scream*
sorry cat

Alright! Time for a short review! (actually this is more of appreciation and encouragement post for this beautiful piece of work)

The first thing that came into my mind when I heard "water jet" was a boat on water. When I searched it up, I learned two things. What exactly a waterjet is and how important comprehension is HAHAHHA

The poem has a motivational and surreal like quality. The most motivating for me would be the third stanza is worth of being found in some motivational self care book. As for surreal, the way you describe literal rocks in the earth seems so magical, like it comes out of a fantasy. I find it extremely intriguing how you chose a water jet as the subject of this poem as it is something people won't think of to use as a subject for their works. So good job on creativity!!

Personally, the thing I liked most about the poem was how you described the strata of rock in the earth in a way that is down to earth yet beautiful at the same time. Phrases like streaks of blue-white, tantalize the imagination. Your descriptions here are amazing and I applaud you for that.

Overall, this is a light and wonderful read! :D

This is alpacaboss, signing off.

User avatar
51 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 51

Mon Aug 14, 2023 1:57 pm
View Likes
lyssiekins wrote a review...

Wow. What a gorgeous poem. I really get the sense of the beauty that we miss when we stay in our carved paths, always retracing our steps. I love imagining the luminescence of what liés below the surface, the excess from the motherlode that we threw away. The imagery of the iceberg really cements this idea of all that we are missing by just being the tip.

The only thing I'm missing in this scène is the trace of the love-hunger and what it means. Maybe it is a disconnection, as you said the broke tip of the iceberg, so could it be then that the depths of love are no longer able to be connected due to the "sharpness" of the boat. Or maybe I am just missing what exactly the boat represents here to you. Either way I love the poem.

Liminality says...

Thanks for the review! I enjoyed reading your interpretation - I myself actually hadn't connected the treasures in the sea to the remains of the motherlode being thrown away in the beginning, but looking back that makes a lot of sense. You're right about the "love-hunger" not coming up much after it was mentioned - that's probably something for me to work on in future revisions.

Thanks again!

Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves