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18+

A Humble Quest

by Liminality


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

CW: bones of a dead creature are discussed



A dragon shattered here, some years ago:
now roads are strewn with fragments sharp and keen

which nip at travellers’ feet, like hungry teeth,
and journeying they neither move nor breathe.

And so I walk with care. My legs grow sore.
When white shards scrape the pan – I sweep up more

to clear a path and make dead deeper rest.
(The evening sun stops by, then onward west.)

I gather up the last of small grey stones,
softening the danger of these bones.


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Sat Oct 28, 2023 11:36 pm
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Messenger says...



Hey, I liked your first poem so I thought I would stop by for more :)

So, I really like this poem as well. There's this whole untold story that has created this setting, and we unfortunately don't get to hear about it. A dragon shattered...does that mean he exploded in the sky? Did he crash to the ground? He was slain and fell apart over time? Who knows.

As a supervisor for a janitorial company though, represent my MC the man with a broom xD Doing unsung work for travelers who will never thank him.

I'm not sure why, because I don't usually like parentheses most of the time, but for me it worked perfectly in this poem because it seems like such an afterthought that it almost had to get added in at the end, almost like a footnote. If there is more to this story I would love to hear about it. I feel like any poem that I liked I wish there was at least a short story explaining it more ;p

I might change the colon in the first line to a semicolon, or even a period. To me, the semicolon just looks a little too academic and bland. I'm also not sure how I feel about using the word keen to describe the bones. I know that a keen intellect means basically the same as having a sharp mind, but we get "sharp" two words before so it seemed a little redundant.

But all in all, I love the fact that this is both serious, in the sense that it's a person's job to keep people safe, but that the fate of the universe isn't on the line either. It's just a story in the day of the life of MC Sweeper.

~ Messy




Liminality says...


Thanks so much for the review! With "keen" I was going for "eager" (to help that sort-of personification in the following line) rather than the "sharp" meaning. Thanks again!



Liminality says...


And yeah, haha I do sometimes think about how some ideas would work better as short stories rather than poems, even if they are generated through the process of writing poetry.



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663 Reviews

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Sat Oct 28, 2023 11:36 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



Hey, I liked your first poem so I thought I would stop by for more :)

So, I really like this poem as well. There's this whole untold story that has created this setting, and we unfortunately don't get to hear about it. A dragon shattered...does that mean he exploded in the sky? Did he crash to the ground? He was slain and fell apart over time? Who knows.

As a supervisor for a janitorial company though, represent my MC the man with a broom xD Doing unsung work for travelers who will never thank him.

I'm not sure why, because I don't usually like parentheses most of the time, but for me it worked perfectly in this poem because it seems like such an afterthought that it almost had to get added in at the end, almost like a footnote. If there is more to this story I would love to hear about it. I feel like any poem that I liked I wish there was at least a short story explaining it more ;p

I might change the colon in the first line to a semicolon, or even a period. To me, the semicolon just looks a little too academic and bland. I'm also not sure how I feel about using the word keen to describe the bones. I know that a keen intellect means basically the same as having a sharp mind, but we get "sharp" two words before so it seemed a little redundant.

But all in all, I love the fact that this is both serious, in the sense that it's a person's job to keep people safe, but that the fate of the universe isn't on the line either. It's just a story in the day of the life of MC Sweeper.

~ Messy




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Mon Sep 18, 2023 5:02 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Lim!

I haven't written a review in a long time so please excuse me. I will keep this more around what I interpret from your poem and what are my queries regarding the same.

The first impression is like visiting one's past. A time that was probably filled with trauma or some great sorrow. That's what the shattered bones of a dragon form an image in my mind. Something that caused the casualty and it was covered in dust with time. Though still, the fragments pierce through the traveler's feet. It's like trying to remember and relive those feelings that are causing emotional distress and mental pain to them. Digging deeper into the past further gives even more misery. I wonder what clearing the path means. The poet is visiting those memories with extra care and perhaps trying to figure out something but being careful at the same time to not cause more triggers.

"Onward West" may be seen as a metaphor for a journey or travel. The evening sun making a brief stop before continuing westward could represent a pause in one's journey, a moment of reflection, or a temporary stay at a place before moving on. I think it's really up to the reader what they want to interpret about this journey. It could be part of a mental walk down a difficult personal experience in life. Or maybe something in general, the hardships faced in the real world where people falter or lose and their expedition remains unaccomplished. Even the mightiest ones could crumble (that's what the dragon's imagery makes me think about). The ones who follow try to take each step carefully and try not to end up like those who preceded.

I'm sorry if it's a bit too vague or far from what your actual intentions were. But I would love to know your side of this poem. Also, I would like the know why you refer to 'pan'. Like what it resembles here. I can relate white shards to the image of shattered pieces of bones but what about 'pan'?

Overall, I really admired your poem and liked the flow.

Happy writing :)




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Tue Sep 12, 2023 11:47 pm
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LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hey Lim! I'm here to leave an extra EXTRA quick review!

I really love this poem! You were able to successfully make the lines rhyme, AND have the syllables the same (almost) each line, which makes the poem have a really great rhythm and flow!

I also really liked the details in the poem, like how you described the bones as teeth, and how you described the sun.

This is the Typo Police speaking - I think you may have forgotten to put the "e" in breathe, unless the word was supposed to be breath. In that case, never mind, and that would be really awkward on my end.

Oh - and one more thing. Why exactly is the work rated 18+? I'm sure you have a reason, I'm just curious.

Overall, this is a well-written poem with elaborate rhythm and rhyme, which I really enjoyed reading! (I also really liked it because it included a dragon) Hope to read more of your poems in the future!
Happy Writing!
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Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! Whoops, you're right about that typo! And I just used the 18 rating because I go fairly in detail about the dragon's bones and it's technically the remains of an animal, so I just used that to be on the safe side.



Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! Whoops, you're right about that typo! And I just used the 18 rating because I go fairly in detail about the dragon's bones and it's technically the remains of an animal, so I just used that to be on the safe side.



Liminality says...


I've gone ahead and fixed that typo now!



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Tue Sep 12, 2023 5:52 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Hey! Ellie here for a quick review :)

Flow: it has a great rhythm and flow! from what i have seen, it has a great structure as well. i feel like your words are well chosen to get the message across.

i feel like there is so much more behind this poem. i really loved it because it was really easy to follow along with and made me curious to know what the story is behind it. i loved the description of the "hungry teeth".

thats just a quick review, but thanks for sharing your poem! id love to read more.

have a great day!
-Ellie mae




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review!




Knowledge is power.
— Francis Bacon