Hey, I liked your first poem so I thought I would stop by for more
So, I really like this poem as well. There's this whole untold story that has created this setting, and we unfortunately don't get to hear about it. A dragon shattered...does that mean he exploded in the sky? Did he crash to the ground? He was slain and fell apart over time? Who knows.
As a supervisor for a janitorial company though, represent my MC the man with a broom xD Doing unsung work for travelers who will never thank him.
I'm not sure why, because I don't usually like parentheses most of the time, but for me it worked perfectly in this poem because it seems like such an afterthought that it almost had to get added in at the end, almost like a footnote. If there is more to this story I would love to hear about it. I feel like any poem that I liked I wish there was at least a short story explaining it more ;p
I might change the colon in the first line to a semicolon, or even a period. To me, the semicolon just looks a little too academic and bland. I'm also not sure how I feel about using the word keen to describe the bones. I know that a keen intellect means basically the same as having a sharp mind, but we get "sharp" two words before so it seemed a little redundant.
But all in all, I love the fact that this is both serious, in the sense that it's a person's job to keep people safe, but that the fate of the universe isn't on the line either. It's just a story in the day of the life of MC Sweeper.
~ Messy
Points: 11295
Reviews: 663
Donate