Young Writers Society

Hi Lim!

I haven't written a review in a long time so please excuse me. I will keep this more around what I interpret from your poem and what are my queries regarding the same.

The first impression is like visiting one's past. A time that was probably filled with trauma or some great sorrow. That's what the shattered bones of a dragon form an image in my mind. Something that caused the casualty and it was covered in dust with time. Though still, the fragments pierce through the traveler's feet. It's like trying to remember and relive those feelings that are causing emotional distress and mental pain to them. Digging deeper into the past further gives even more misery. I wonder what clearing the path means. The poet is visiting those memories with extra care and perhaps trying to figure out something but being careful at the same time to not cause more triggers.

"Onward West" may be seen as a metaphor for a journey or travel. The evening sun making a brief stop before continuing westward could represent a pause in one's journey, a moment of reflection, or a temporary stay at a place before moving on. I think it's really up to the reader what they want to interpret about this journey. It could be part of a mental walk down a difficult personal experience in life. Or maybe something in general, the hardships faced in the real world where people falter or lose and their expedition remains unaccomplished. Even the mightiest ones could crumble (that's what the dragon's imagery makes me think about). The ones who follow try to take each step carefully and try not to end up like those who preceded.

I'm sorry if it's a bit too vague or far from what your actual intentions were. But I would love to know your side of this poem. Also, I would like the know why you refer to 'pan'. Like what it resembles here. I can relate white shards to the image of shattered pieces of bones but what about 'pan'?

Overall, I really admired your poem and liked the flow.

Happy writing

Hey Lim! I'm here to leave an extra EXTRA quick review!

I really love this poem! You were able to successfully make the lines rhyme, AND have the syllables the same (almost) each line, which makes the poem have a really great rhythm and flow!

I also really liked the details in the poem, like how you described the bones as teeth, and how you described the sun.

This is the Typo Police speaking - I think you may have forgotten to put the "e" in breathe, unless the word was supposed to be breath. In that case, never mind, and that would be really awkward on my end.

Oh - and one more thing. Why exactly is the work rated 18+? I'm sure you have a reason, I'm just curious.

Overall, this is a well-written poem with elaborate rhythm and rhyme, which I really enjoyed reading! (I also really liked it because it included a dragon) Hope to read more of your poems in the future!
Happy Writing!

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Hey! Ellie here for a quick review

Flow: it has a great rhythm and flow! from what i have seen, it has a great structure as well. i feel like your words are well chosen to get the message across.

i feel like there is so much more behind this poem. i really loved it because it was really easy to follow along with and made me curious to know what the story is behind it. i loved the description of the "hungry teeth".

thats just a quick review, but thanks for sharing your poem! id love to read more.

have a great day!
-Ellie mae