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12+

The Humble Quest

by Liminality


The dragon’s bones lie naked on the road
and over time are overgrown with moss,
the radiant green, the light that overloads
the rattling house, the memory of loss.

The road is strewn with pebbles sharp and keen.
They puncture like a field of hungry teeth.
When caught between the rib and ashen wing,
a young traveller could not move or breath.

I squeeze between the ribs and through the core
to clear a path, to let dead deeper rest.
The pebbles scrape the pan – I sweep up more.
The evening sun stops by, then onward west.

I gather up the last of small grey stones,
softening the danger of these bones.



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Questions for reviewers (answer if you'd like!)

1. What do you think is the story or message here?
2. Which lines sound awkward to you? Any suggestions for making them less awkward?


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59 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 59

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Tue Apr 11, 2023 9:51 pm
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TheCornDogEnthusiast wrote a review...



Hello!
This is a beautifully written poem that uses vivid imagery to paint a picture of a desolate landscape where the remains of a dragon are slowly being reclaimed by nature. The use of the color green to describe the moss that grows over the dragon's bones creates a sense of vibrant life in contrast to the death and decay represented by the bones themselves.

The description of the sharp pebbles on the road creates a sense of danger and unease, particularly when combined with the image of a young traveller being caught between the dragon's ribs and wing. The speaker's efforts to clear a path through the bones and gather up the pebbles create a sense of purpose and determination, while the mention of the evening sun stopping by and then moving on creates a sense of the passage of time and the inevitability of change.

Overall, this is a well-crafted poem that effectively combines vivid imagery with a sense of narrative momentum to create a haunting and evocative portrait of a desolate landscape and the remnants of a once-great creature.

Approved by the Corn Dog Enthusiast Association (CDEA)




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! The associations with each image you pointed out are super helpful for me to know.



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1154 Reviews

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Tue Apr 11, 2023 3:58 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I believe that the message of this poem is that no matter how dangerous the journey may seem, it is vital to continue on so that you may find answers, a solution. I don’t think that any lines sound awkward. They sound magical, but not awkward. That’s just me, though. It reminds me of what the hero of a fairytale would think when commencing on their journey. :)

I enjoyed this poem. I wish you an amazing day/night.




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review!



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227 Reviews

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Sun Apr 09, 2023 3:54 pm
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NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Hi @Liminality

I must say this is an amazing poem you wrote here!

The fact that you chose to write about a dragon is cool and very on point.
The imagery of the sharp pebbles on the road and the danger they pose, combined with the speaker's gentle efforts to clear a path and allow the dragon to rest in peace, creates a message of compassion and responsibility.

The final lines bring a sense of closure and resolution, softening the danger of the bones and leaving the reader with a feeling of hope and renewal.

About your questions:
1. I think the message is here "Clearing the dragons bones and let him rest in peace finally" ?

Someone who feels a sense of responsibility for the dragon's remains, works to clear a safe path through the bones, allowing the dragon to rest in peace and minimizing the danger for future travelers.

I'm not sure if I got it right, but I liked it very much. You did a great job, I really enjoyed reading it. It was so a little bit of everything in it squished in a tiny box. I <3 it.

2. Personally I don't think any line sounds awkward. (they sound all awesome!)

"the memory of loss." It does feel somewhat disconnected from the concrete imagery of the dragon's bones and the pebbles on the road. One suggestion could be to rephrase the line to better tie it to the rest of the poem's imagery. For example, "the memory of loss, like moss, grows over the dragon's bones." This would create a clearer link between the theme of loss and the visual of moss growing over the dragon's remains.

That's all I have to say, really.
You wrote an amazing piece here.
Keep up the amazing work!

- Rinisha




Liminality says...


Thanks so much for the review, Rinisha! Your feedback is super helpful!




And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk