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12+

Spectators

by Liminality


Sitting on wet grass
bathed in sunlight,
wearing bright red T-shirts,
or yellow, or blue,
huddled under
an empty canopy,
holding on to hats
and plastic water bottles.

Maybe they melted
in that humid heat,
and became part
of the landscape,
probing the depths
of orange soil
for fossils sealed in amber.

Sometimes I kick
a rock from its spot,
dislodging it,
and as it
rolls off, I think I see
a scrap of cotton
or a bottle cap.


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20 Reviews

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Reviews: 20

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Wed Jun 07, 2023 1:41 am
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leleparadise wrote a review...



Hey, hope all is well. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. The imagery you used to describe the setting is very nice. I can feel how hot the weather is. A previous review mentioned this being a setting for a football field but could this have been an archaeology site? The orange soil, the fossils in amber, the landscape and dislodging of rocks? It just makes more sense to me

However, I do agree with another reviewer on the uncertainty of the narrator. Why are they unsure? Does the cotton or bottle cap represent something? Is there supposed to be an extension of this poem into another poem to continue the story? Or was that just left over debris from previous digging and swabbing? Either way, very nice word play and good work




Liminality says...


I was hoping the bottle cap and cotton would echo imagery from the first stanza: "T-shirts" and "plastic water bottles" but looks like that still needs some work. I like that observation about the setting - maybe it was both? :D Thanks for reviewing!



leleparadise says...


Ohhh I see, that honestly makes a lot of sense. Thank you for explaining this. No worries, any time



User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 349
Reviews: 20

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Wed Jun 07, 2023 1:40 am
leleparadise says...



Hey, hope all is well. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. The imagery you used to describe the setting is very nice. I can feel how hot the weather is. A previous review mentioned this being a setting for a football field but could this have been an archaeology site? The orange soil, the fossils in amber, the landscape and dislodging of rocks? It just makes more sense to me

However, I do agree with another reviewer on the uncertainty of the narrator. Why are they unsure? Does the cotton or bottle cap represent something? Is there supposed to be an extension of this poem into another poem to continue the story? Or was that just left over debris from previous digging and swabbing? Either way, very nice word play and good work




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160 Reviews

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Reviews: 160

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Mon Jun 05, 2023 1:22 am
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Valkyria wrote a review...



Hello Liminality! I hope you're having a wonderful day, so let's get on with the review!

First impressions are is that this is a very relaxing poem. It gives me a slice-of-life feel to it. You've described a football field in a simple way, but it is still effective in relaying the tone of the poem.

Imagery is very prevalent in the poem, and it describes the spectators in creative ways. I can visualize the second stanza like it's a Salvador Dali painting. The last stanza is my favorite. I did not expect it to turn into first person Pov. It's a surreal (if I'm using the term correctly) way to end the poem.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this.

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Liminality says...


Thanks for reviewing!



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105 Reviews

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Reviews: 105

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Sun Jun 04, 2023 11:54 am
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! Came to leave a quick review.

This poem is simple and captivates the audience. Let's dissect it a bit :)

Sitting on wet grass
bathed in sunlight,
wearing bright red T-shirts,
or yellow, or blue,
huddled under
an empty canopy,
holding on to hats
and plastic water bottles.


You've captured the audience by painting a vivid picture in their minds. It's the image of a crowd, spectating for a certain event which also goes well with your chosen title. Even if one hasn't experienced something similar to that, your descriptions make it almost real.

Maybe they melted
in that humid heat,
and became part
of the landscape,
probing the depths
of orange soil
for fossils sealed in amber.


You go on to describe the weather and I feel the melting part. Summer can be brutal, especially with the humidity. The picture you paint here uses a slightly different approach compared to the previous one. The first part was literal without any hidden meanings. This one is surreal, describing the heat as so much one can melt into the landscape.

Sometimes I kick
a rock from its spot,
dislodging it,
and as it
rolls off, I think I see
a scrap of cotton
or a bottle cap.

It is a strange and unassuming way to end the poem. But it makes the reader think. Why did the narrator say "I think I see a scrap of cotton or a battle cap"? Why aren't they sure? Did they see it wrong? Or did they uncover something slightly more sinister. I may just be overthinking, but this is the way I see it :)

Overall, I liked this short poem. Keep it up!




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review!



alpacaboss says...


My pleasure!




I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
— Chandler Bing