Happiness on trial
The prosecution specific
To truth, to existence
Guilty
Happiness is questioned
On grounds of contrition
To truth, to significance
To life
Sadness is out of the question
The blues are real- oh I know it
Some people question the blues
I question all happiness
If you looked at my life with fine detail
You'd find nothing to make you smile
Then you too would question all happiness
Do it without listening to its defence
Happiness on trial
The defence is stumbling
To find truth and dismiss
Evidence
Evidence of pretension
Which is always the crime
It's not a crime to be lonely
But it's a crime to be giddy
If you looked at my life with fine detail
You'd find nothing to make you smile
Then you too would question all happiness
Do it without listening to its defence
In the spirit of defiance
I emerge as the lion
Dining on the corpse of happiness
Shutting its delusions up for good
If you looked at my life with fine detail
You'd find nothing to make you smile
Then you too would question all happiness
Do it without listening to its defence
If you looked at my life with fine detail
You'd find nothing to make you smile
Then you too would question all happiness
Do it without listening to its defence
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137,425 Literary Works • 672,010 Reviews
This was pretty good. I felt the depression and despair of the speaker quite clearly and vividly. It's so formal for the most part that I'd suggest changing "the blues" to something less...folksy. But that's a minor complaint. Also, I think in the last stanza, you should change it a little bit, since it's been repeated so often. Varying one or two words from the other, identical stanzas will give it more of an impact.
Hello there and happy Review Day! I'm here also on behalf of the Knights of the Green Room since your work has been trapped in there for so long.
Since it's Review Day and the Green Room is quite packed, I'll be keeping this review a bit brief. If you would like a more in-depth review after the crazy reviewing rush, just let me know and I'll happily give you a more thorough one!
With that said, the first four lines of this were quite nice. They flowed well, not just in how they're said, but also in meaning. However, the next four lines stumbled, particularly at "significance", though the meaning also muddled at "contrition". How can happiness be questioned on grounds of contrition to truth? Contrition is a thing, a feeling, and not an action, so it cannot act towards something else.
There's other cases of muddled meaning, particularly in the chorus, and you don't carry the courtroom metaphor all the way through, which makes it feel a bit tacked-on since there's jumping back-and-forth between the courtroom metaphor and other things. Incorporating the metaphor more uniformly throughout the lyrics would help make the song feel more cohesive overall.
Hello KingQueenKnave, Amindor here.
I don't really review lyrics that often, so I don't know what to say about this. But, as a simple reader, I would like to say that this is a very deep beautiful piece of work. I love how you talked about questioning happiness.
"If you looked at my life with fine detail
You'd find nothing to make you smile
Then you too would question all happiness"
These are literally my favorite lines. They have so much meaning that describes how sad a person can be and how depressing their life could be.
I apologize that I didn't have much to say about this, and hopefully in the future I can give you a better review, and hopefully by then I would have more experience with lyrics. Happy review day, and keep writing on!