z

Young Writers Society



Certain

by KingQueenKnave


Too soon

Too soon

Too soon

Too soon


We’re finding it a little bit hard

We’re finding it a source for the harm

We’re finding it a little bit hard

We’re finding a place that’s alarmed


And so we cry for nothing

So we laugh for nothing

So we scream for nothing

But then what is nothing?

So we cry for nothing

So we laugh for nothing

So we scream for nothing

But then what is nothing?


Too soon

Too soon


Some things just lash out

Without a warning or note

No God to believe in

And there’s nothing that can be done

Just suck it up- yeah, suck it up

Just suck it up and nod your pretty head

Some things just lash out

Without a warning or note

Ohhhhhh…….


We have found it a little bit hard

We have found it a source for the harm

We have found it a little bit hard

We have found a place that’s alarmed


And so we cry for nothing

So we laugh for nothing

So we scream for nothing

But then what is nothing?

So we cry for nothing

So we laugh for nothing

So we scream for nothing

But then what is nothing?


Too soon

Too soon

Too soon


We’re finding it a little bit hard

We’re finding it a source for the harm

We’re finding it a little bit hard

We’re finding a place that’s alarmed

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
279 Reviews

Points: 25891
Reviews: 279

Donate
Sun Nov 29, 2015 9:06 pm
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review!

As you posted this as lyrics, I can see the theme and the feeling of this. Another thing, I am sure most people can relate to this as most songs do that. They have the feeling of people agreeing and nodding their head. However, I feel like the repeating on the same lyrics doesn't exactly move the point across. It is like shoving snow on something then smoothing it out then adding more snow etc.
Try adding some feeling in the middle (like the chorus) because all it seems, this seems to be the backdrop of songs.

Another thing, is the spacing. However, you can leave it the way you must. Completely up to you since you are the poet/writer of this.
Overall, this was a good piece of lyrics and hopefully get to read more of your work!

If you like me to go over anything, let me know!

Steggy




User avatar
524 Reviews

Points: 7146
Reviews: 524

Donate
Sun Nov 29, 2015 7:38 am
felistia wrote a review...



Hi KingQueenKnave, Felistia here with a review on your poem.
Firstly happy review day.
Now on with the review.
This poem feels a little to repetitive to be a poem, it feels more like a song format. Over all I like the theme and it reads pretty smoothly. There isn't much description in here, but there is a thin thread of emotion. I think the poem needs a bit of punctuation to tell the reader how to read the poem. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes. I still think that this would serve well as a song, because it reads and feels like that. Over all I liked it. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.






I posted it as lyrics.



felistia says...


Oh yes you did. Sorry really late over here.




In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien