Young Writers Society

After reading "The Basics of Living" I couldn't help looking to see what other fun things you had in store and for some odd reason this one popped out at me. Lol.
Let me tell you, I was not disappointed!
This wasn't like the first of your work that I read, but still very enjoyable. My favorite line is

Confidence reigns; for half an hour, you love

Hello KingQueenKnave,

First off, I'd like to say that you do a good job of making the tone of the piece match what it's about. I think the tone in this poem really is the best part about it. There are other things which are good too, like the word choice [the flow of them], and the size, but I think the tone is what I like best.

Onto the review. I really don't like the punctuation or capitalization in this poem, just going to be honest. I feel like the punctuation was lack-luster, like you wanted to try to punctuate accordingly, you even used a semi-colon or two, but you missed a lot of the basics, like periods. So basically, I think the capitalization is messing with your grammar. I'd suggest taking this out of stanza/lines and making it just paragraphs, then punctuating it. That should give you a better eye for where periods need to go, and what actually needs commas. Then, after you've got that straightened out, you can go back to stanzas/lines. That's how I usually fix this problem anyways.

I have made a guide before about punctuation and capitalization in poetry to show you all of your options too, because I think you might want to go with a different style of punctuation, or maybe breath punctuation? So I might be completely off base with saying you need more of it. I think you do need a balance of periods in this piece though, at least a couple every stanza that has more than 5 lines. Punctuation in Poetry

Also, here's one on capitalization because I think no capitalization might work really well for this poem. Capitalization in Poetry

You might also want to consider capitalizing words that need more stress, like words that you're Shouting AT Someone! sort of like in chat. Up to you.

Overall, keep writing. I love that you're writing this with this quick paced beat. It might not work for some other types of poems, but it works here, so I wouldn't change that, just maybe work on either the capitalization or the punctuation because one of those two does not fit. The capitalization caught my attention repeatedly while reading, when it shouldn't.

Heya, KingQueenKnave! Your 'Ole rapper buddy Casanova here to do a review!
Anyway, here's how it works. I'll start with the good(if any, and in my opinion), then the bad(if any, and in my opinion), and then I'll conclude! Haha! So, let's get to the review!
Anyway- to start off. I didn't read this as a poem. For some reason it just didn't fit- so I started reading it like I would a rap/freestyle and it REALLY started to flow together real good. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to review this like I would a rap song! Should be fun since I've battled with you!
Anyway- when I started out reading I was like,"No, no no. The flow is all wrong," then I started reading it as a rap and it really started to make sense. The flow is fast, it doesn't really pause, and the lyrics themselves are really good. I'm not /really/ used to cursing in a poem- so I'm glad I read this as a rap. As I've stated it really made sense like that. Unless I'm wrong and this isn't supposed to be a rap... I hope I'm not wrong- I mean this could be either but it flows and works better as a rap. There's less to critique that way.
Anyway, the best lines I could find we're definitely the last ones,
"Are we fucking or are we making love?
Both."
I mean, it's not the imagery or anything that grabs me- there isn't any in the line. It's the reality of it. That's a question several people ask themselves every day and never get the answer to. SO props for that, man.
On to the other! The flow in the last stanza doesn't match the others for some reason. It seems slower- I read it as if you were talking.
In all honesty there isn't much to nitpick in my opinion. I say continue writing as you are- but there is always room for improvement.
Keep doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on~
Your Friend- Matthew Casanova Aaron.