Young Writers Society

One or two lines added to the chorus or at all could be fine.
In its current state,It is still amazing and sounds very well.
The line repeated lastly was fine also.
Interesting,passionate and deep.

Go on writing lyrics for catchy songs!
So bad it is so short.

Hey again.
Since I came to this song after "Adam's Pole Dance" I found a striking contrast in the styles of your writing.
You're very versatile.
This one has a deep, thought provoking and probing tone, as if you're asking the listener to look inside themselves for the answer, in the same way the person performing is.
I think the greater regularity in this song sets it up as having more of a narrative and I'm impressed by the casual rhymes and overall consistency of this piece.
There is still your trademark use of repetition to place emphasis on the key parts of your message, and I think this all works well holistically.
Keep writing!

Beautifully told and written, you have the makings of a great poet.

Hello, gonna review your lyrics quickly!

So, overall, I loved your use of repetition within this. The only part that I didn't like was "None of the couches in the world would take you". I just felt like it sounded forced and messed with the flow. Also, your chorus was good, but I would have enjoyed it much more if it were longer than 2 lines. I think that if you added to it, it may sound a bit more finished. Anyway, other than that, you did a fantastic job in my opinion! I'll be sure to look out for more of your work!