My first poem....
They told me once,
"Follow your dreams."
My dreams now lie
In a shattered heap,
Crushed beneath their feet.
The broken shards
Pierce my heart-
A painful memory
Of what was never meant to be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Its definitely good considering its your first poem and you wrote it in 30 seconds haha. "In a shattered heap, Crushed beneath their feet" if you have the comma after heap then the "Crushed" shouldn't be capitalized. that's seems to be the only thing that was wrong with this. But its really good, hopefully this isn't your last poem cause you have a lot of potential!
Hi DragonLily,here is Dark to give review on your poem!
First of all,I like how you want to point up the theme here.It is quiet a sad ending when you stated that your dream was a lie.
I like how you use a metaphor here too;' The broken shards
Pierce my heart- '--.It does give an impact to the reader here.But just my suggestion here,it will more wonderful to read if you balance the emotions inside.I wish you can put some lines that shows you still have a dreams and you hope it will never disappoint you anymore.Lets the ending become something like a wish here.Keep it up and keep writing!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
Hiya I'm EmoChikXoX and I am going to review your poem!
Your title is good, it draws me in imediaty, which is also a bonus, to have an eye catching title.
Firstly it is really quite amazing, if going by your description of composing it in 30 seconds I think you must have a real talent, especially to pull it out of your head
Secondly, your poem flows really easily. Meaning it is really easy to read, and also enjoyable. It is also the right length, not too short and not too long and you finnish off your poem really well. If that makes any sense. In some poems the ending isnt very good, or there are unanswerd questions or loose ends whereas you don't, so well done
Lastly, i think your poem is simply brilliant, and you have done a good job! keep posting, you are really good at this!
Hope my review made sense and wasn't me just rambling on and not making any sense
~EmoChikXoX
So I was already to make a few cracking reviews because I haven't done many lately.
And what happens? Well I click on a great poem that doesn't need much reviewing because it's amazing.
Honestly, it is great. Sad, and depressing and really rather confronting in a way but also rath fantastic.
I love the way you managed to get your message across, really quickly and with great conviction.
Not once, in the short duration it took for me to read the poem, did I feel as if you had any doubt about the message and theme of the poem. For that I appluad you.
You also have some great imagery, that really add to the overall tone and mood of the poem.
I love it, honestly, I think it's fantastic.
Good job on you first poem, because it's amazing and I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work.
All the best
Nargles xxx
Hello there, DragonLily! I am here to review your post of a poem called "Follow Your Dreams". You say that the poem was made in around thirty seconds. If this is true, you have wonderful talent!
Follow Your Dreams is a slightly depressing poem with strong meaning. It is so true of life today, how one attempts to follow their dreams only to get knocked down over and over again. Only the strong can fight on to finally finish, to finally complete their quest to find their dream. Perhaps your dream is poetry, perhaps not. All I can say is, you are wonderful at it.
I love how it says 'a painful memory of what was never meant to be', because sometimes we have dreams that aren't meant to be. Sometimes they lead us down a narrow path of emptiness, other times they lead us to a wonderful place where we find our true happiness. So while the poem is depressing, I also find it heart-warming.
I am looking forward to seeing your other poems. I would be very happy to review them. In total, I would rate your article a ten out of ten.
10/10.
Well...that was rather depressing XD
I've never reviewed anything this short, so sorry if this is short as well LOL
Now then, I adore the free verse *free-verse poet myself* so the fact that you were able to get your point across in such a short phrase is quite impressive.
The shortness of this poem also has a gripping concept to it, giving the idea that the reaction to losing the dream may be in shock, signifying a deeper meaning to the words you used to describe the setting. Another emotion that follows the shock is also anger, which you express in the second half
Great job!
~Maddie
Malachi, Knight of Vindale here to review for the Knight of the Green Room.
So this was short, powerful, and to the point. But I feel you completely left out any hope in this poem. Like this was my dream and WHAMP!! No more. My dreams are destroyed at my feet. I would suggest adding some hope in here. After all, not everything goes wrong in anybody's life. If it were not for that, I would give you a like.
Now to the writing it self. It was a very good free-verse poem, very well detailed and written out. And for 30 seconds, pretty good.
Keep it up!