Promises.
What use are they?
Empty words
Spoken long ago
In times of childishness
And foolish dreams.
Why should I carry on?
Never again will I see your face.
We thought once
So long ago
That we could defy the world
And the flow of time
That we could stand strong
Against the raging force
Come through it all
With heads held high
And smiles on our faces.
So long ago.
We were young.
We were brave.
We were foolish.
And now you stand before me
Eyes turned down
Smile long faded
Laughter gone.
How could you forget?
How could you change?
How could you be defeated
By the world
And the flow of time?
How could you let me down?
I turn away
No longer wishing
To see your face.
Traitor.
Coward.
Liar.
Weakling.
I turn away from you
And toward my own life
My own empty words
And broken promises.
We were young.
We were brave.
We were strong.
I turn and run
Back to you
But you’re gone
Faded away
Defeated
Crushed by the weight
Of sorrow
And shame.
I cry
Wait for me.
I was wrong.
But
It’s too late
You’re gone.
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139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
Wow, this is really good!! There is a a lot of emotions in this. It's sad. sorrowful and you did a good job presenting that in this poem. You had pretty good fluency and word choice and good transitions.
"So long ago
That we could defy the world
And the flow of time
That we could stand strong
Against the raging force"
I liked this part. You did good on putting in transitions and excellent word choice. I really liked the poem and good job!! Keep writing!
*jaw drops*
AMAZING. Oh my Lord. This is amazing. I just love it!
I really like how you repeat:
"We were young.
We were brave."
Using the full stops as well really adds something else, just emphasising it and making it stand out!
Like GigiHarris said, the rhythm could be improved a bit, but other than that, WOW.
Seriously, really great work.
Hi again, DragonLily
And WHOA.
THAT'S ONE AMAZING POEM.
There's no drawback in it except rhythm. But it's better this way. It's much more powerful (like LosCadaver said) this way.
I really like your poems. They have a strong voice in them. Keep up the good job!
And this poem just kind of inspired me to finish my stories, I don't know how though. So thank you :3
Have a good day,
~Gigi
Powerful, very powerful.