When Death came,
You were taken so quickly,
Stolen before I could say goodbye.
My heart was torn in two as you left,
There were words still unspoken,
And what I wish you knew is
If love could have saved you,
You would have lived forever.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I simply love this poem. It's short and not so sweet. It gets right to the point and tells you what the reader what you were trying to achieve. I love this poem very much.
The only sort of criticism I have for this is piece is to divide it into stanzas and possibly make it a longer lyric poem. That way, you can incorporate a few metaphors in before closing it off with your message.
Nevertheless, it's beautiful just the way that it is. Thank you for the beautiful poem and keep writing.
Hi,
This poem is beautifully structured and i usually don't like short poems but i love this one. I lost my nana a few years ago and this has summed up how i felt at the time. I don't really have anything bad to say about this poem except maybe you could extend it further, however it is fine as it is. I also really love the last two lines, they really underline the whole poem and make it a very powerful piece.
A.P
Hello!
First off, this was a really beautiful poem. It really was. It was so simple, yet so emotional. Great job.
There are just a few tiny nit-picks that would make this even better!
Now, I'm not 100% sure on this, but I think "quick" should be "quickly" because then it would be an adverb, and adverbs modify verbs and adjectives. In this case, "quickly" would be modifying "taken" which is a verb.
This is probably my biggest problem with the poem, and it's one I can't tell you exactly how to fix. This line is terribly cliche. If you could think up another, new way of displaying heart break, that would make this poem so much better. I like the meaning behind this line, but it's just something you see so much in poetry. Maybe you could employ some sort of poetic device, like personification/anthropomorphism or some other metaphor.
I think this could easily be split into two lines, right at the comma. That would make that line so it doesn't stick out like a sore thumb.
The rest of this is just *perfect*
I love the subject, and I love how you worded it.
Great work! Keep writing!
~fortis
Hello there.
I have to get this out real fast, this was beautiful. It's short and sweet, but I wouldn't be able to say anything else about it. This has really touched my heart.
I notice you put 'realistic' as a genre. This must have happened to you. I feel so bad for you, and I hope you get better. It's good that you've shared your story with us, though.
-huez