Young Writers Society

Retro here for review

First off, just wanted to say I really liked this poem, but I shall do a few nitpicks first and then talk about what I liked, 'kay?

' A secret, burning passion,

An inescapable need to fulfill

This imperative desire. '

If this is one sentence then I don't think you can use this. I think you need to use 'an' instead


'Far from the reaches of prying eyes. '

I don't know if this is so much a nitpick but can something be from the reaches of prying eyes? You might be able to and I might just be being dense.

' I am never content with where I am,

Or with who I am,

Or with what I am.

I am constantly being driven

To search for something vital,

But I don’t know what it is. '

Again, this might be me being dense but aren't you talking about what it is, you just don't know where it is? I have a feeling this final line is a bit contradictory, but hey this could just be me

Okay, so that is for my nitpicks. In terms of grammar and spelling I don't see any mistakes so well done on that front Right, now to talk about what I liked about your poem. I like how you never fully explain what it is that you've hidden, it could be a locket or a dragons egg and we don't know and I think that is a really clever technique! I like the repetition of this idea of being whole, and searching for what makes you whole, because it makes your poem more relatable on broader scale, thus to a reader it is more interesting. I also like how you've managed to make this seem like fantasy, without being explicitly fantasy-esque. I think it is due to your semantic fields like quest as it just brings something to the poem, so well done for that.

' The two desires clash constantly,

Tugging me in different directions,

Until I feel that I must break apart. '

This part of the poem was particularly good as I really think it makes the protagonist seem conflicted, and just makes them more believable as a character because whatever setting you put this in it makes it relatable for a reader.

I have a thing about endings of poems so I shall give yours a quick analyse

I believe that the end of a poem should be a crux which brings together a poem in a nice an conclusive sort of way, even if open ended.

'All those years ago,

I never expected that safe, sheltering place

To become the grave of my dream. '

In terms of my definition of what an ending should be I think this is fantastic. The grave of my dream is a very powerful image and gives us an ending to the protagonist. It also allows a progression of time, and again makes this poem relatable on another level all together. The idea of a sheltering place adds to this as well so I think your ending, is incredibly well done, so Kudos.

Hope this review was helpful and you enjoyed.
Great poem,
Keep it up.

~Retro

First of all, let's get one thing straight: I love the poem and way it's written!

Like some others may have said, there isn't much rhyme or rhythm. That can be okay, but it seems plain. It IS meaningful, however, and I like the way you did this.

I love the way you can understand what this poem means, but I feel you haven't hidden the meaning enough. Let readers try to go into their minds to search deeply for the meaning they want to use to describe this poem.

Otherwise, I absolutely LOVE the way this was done. Great job! Can you make more?

Lily, Celty here! This is my first review in a while, but I'll try to say what I think, mmkays? With that out of the way, let's get to the poem.

I like the theme: it's relatable to me, as someone who feels lost and unsure of their identity. The poem is plain and straight in its language, which can be pleasing if done right...

...however, I feel as if it's too plain. There's only one metaphor that stands out to me:

I never expected that safe, sheltering place

To become the grave of my dream.

An inescapable need to fulfill

This imperative desire.

A promise of an unrelenting quest

To fulfill some now-forgotten dream.