Truth told a riddle,
Freedom rattled his chains,
Clarity hid behind a curtain,
And Deceit strode out boldly, fair and charming.
Ignorance sang me to sleep,
While Illusion guided me through life,
And Justice cowered before the judge.
Strength lay concealed in shadow,
Anger spoke so gently,
Secrecy burst forth like the sun,
And Love is lost, wandering the realms of oblivion.
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140,456 Literary Works • 673,225 Reviews
I really liked your poem. This was mainly due to your use of vocabulary such as oblivion, et cetera which gives a certain charm to the poem. However I feel that the poem lacks a bit of strength. I feel that you need to point out your message more clearly and give a background so people understand and relate with the poem more.
Overall, this was a nice poem. You have obviously go talent so keep writing.
Hello, DragonLily.
So, with all the other characteristics as characters that you've got going on, the characteristic is doing something uncharacteristic. Here, though, Ignorance is doing something that seems like ignorance would do. "Ignorance is bliss" is a pretty accurate saying, and if they're singing someone to sleep, it could mean that they're in such a blissful state that they are sleeping.I think that most of the juxtapositions are nicely done, but there is a big flaw that I can see.
This poem doesn't really go anywhere. It doesn't give any particular message, other than "this is reality," but again, it doesn't say much more than that. And while you might think these things are true, it does not convince anyone else that these things are true. I suggest you find a way to give more life to the poem before it stagnates too much and grows pond scum.
I wonder if you changed the action of ignorance to reading in the library or something like that. Trying to gain knowledge. I feel like that would be a more appropriate image if we are following the logic in this poem.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Thanks for the review. Actually this poem wasn't quite finished. I wrote it a long time ago and just now found it again, and although I was planning to work on it some more it looked complete as it is. I was noticing that it seemed to lack strength or a specific purpose, but I thought I'd put it out there anyway to see what people thought. I'll end up editing the heck out of it at some point, and maybe posting the revised (and most likely unrecognizable) version.
Hi! Donizback here for a quick review. Ready? Let's gooooo.
Not bad! Actually, I kind of like writing spiritual poetry so I liked the way you wrote it. Let's break it down into 1) title, 2) actual poem, 3) structure, and 4) how it overall stands.
1) Title - It was okay but too vague. I mean, I have already seen a number of poems with the same title. Why not try writing a phrase as the title of your poems; for example "To live or love" the poem you wrote a while ago. The title was so awesome and it made me open it up and read it. So try on to writing a title which attracts the readers.
2) Poem, itself! - Short? Too short! It is not a bad thing though but still. It looks pretty short to me. Why not try making it a little bit longer? The vocabulary used was not really tough and it made it so easy to understand what you want to convey. It was really well written and I liked it a lot. The only thing which I didn't like, as I said earlier, was that it's too short. The idea was there but still wasn't that nicely conveyed.
3)Structure - Was there any? Obviously! But it wasn't good (at least for me!). Why did you not break it down in mini stanzas? I mean, that's how it should really look like, right? It already was kind of short and not breaking it down into stanzas kinda made it look even shorter!
4) Overall - It was really good. I liked it! I would still want it to be written a bit longer and broken down into mini stanzas. That'd make it just perfect.
Keep writing. I hope to see more of your poems (They are really good)!
Hello there DragonLily! (cool username
) CelticThunder1438 here for a review of your amazing piece!
So when I saw your tittle I wanted to read your work because you don't see much 'reality' in stuff. 
Keep it short and that way you keep the readers attention focused on what the message your trying to get across. 
LOVED YOUR POEM!
)
THANKS!
Praise first - I liked this poem from the first line. Your tittle pulled me in because you don't usually see poems and the like about reality. Usually just fantasy and stuff because who wants to write about reality? In my opinion my stories and poems are the places I like to go to escape reality.
Another thing I liked was the shortness of it. I dislike long poems. The get sooo dragged on and on when you could say what you wanted to say in just a few short lines. Short poems like this one, and sometimes shorter speak louder than the LONG poems
Anyways on to the nitpicks...
Nitpicks - I really liked how you made this poem and how everything was more or less true, yet the one thing I have to say is that it didn't really flow. It was good, but their was no rhythm or anything... if you reread it out loud I think you will get what I mean
KEEP WRITING! EVEN THE SMALLEST THING CAN ENCOURAGE ALL THOSE WHO READ IT
~CelticThunder1438 (Selina, or Seliter
PS. Could you please, if you have time, look at some of my work? I am new to poetry
Thanks for reviewing!
I will definitely check out your work!