Memories play over and over,
I can’t escape.
There you were,
Alone and afraid,
Hurting, longing for love,
And I pushed you away.
~
You were lying on the floor.
I should have picked you up,
I should have held you near,
But instead I kicked and kicked
Till you were bleeding.
~
Memories haunt and taunt and mock,
They never go away.
There you were,
Broken and empty,
Lost, full of fear,
And I added to your pain.
~
You were drowning.
I should have held you up,
I should have helped you swim,
But instead I held you under
Till your struggles were weak.
~
Yes, that was me,
So long ago.
I never wanted you to know.
If you saw my pain,
You might have pitied me,
You might have tried to bear it with your own,
And I knew you weren't that strong.
I didn't want you to break.
So I hid it deep inside.
I should have known
That the wall of protecting daggers
Would tear you so.
Why couldn’t I see?
~
Yes, that was me,
But no longer.
I’m different now,
Can you see?
Finally, after all these years,
I understand.
Finally, after all these tears,
I’m not the same.
Can you see?
I’m no longer hiding behind my false wall of hatred.
I’m no longer blind to the outer world.
I'm not even the same person.
Finally, I’m free.
~
But can you see?
Can you finally forgive me?
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I like the honesty in your poem. The speaker admits their mistake and feel the need to repent. It sounds like he/she used to be a bully and have now matured enough to make amends, even though they understand they might not be forgiven.
I felt sympathetic towards the speaker as they spoke their hearts out. Their feelings and thoughts have been beautifully reflected in this piece.
I don't know much about poetry, so I can't focus on the technical/structural aspects of it.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this.
Very well done, and keep writing!
I really do love your poem, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. My opinion is that you're an amazing writer, and that if anyone tells you different they are blind to the real truth about people's true selves.
I love how straight forward you are in this poem, it shows how strong you can be.
I am a writer of poetry myself, but mine are as revealing, if you read my poems you would know some of the things I've been through in my life, as a matter of fact, I'm writing a book about something that happened to me a few years back, and if you read it I think you would enjoy it.
I know this review probably didn't help, but I want to throw my two sense in there.
~Sparkles
P.S. Be brave, and keep writing
Hi, Tulip here to five you a review on your poem on the VERY VERY early Sunday morning of mine. If this review turns out to be non-coherent, it's because I've been up since 07:30 yesterday morning.
Style
You style is a bit choppy. The line breaks are just out of no where. With a lack of though on how to break up the lines, you have a mess of disorganized stanzas. If you add more detail into the poem, it's a bland telling of this tale. Add in some imagery or words the eveoke emotion into the poem.
Emotion
As I stated above, this poem needs a lot of work based on the emotional aspects of the words itself. You want to ignite a storm of feeling within the reader. I am saying that I am not a very emotional person in real life, but get me to something like literature, and i can be brought to tears because of it. This was more of a "Meh...something happened..." type of reaction.
~~~
Just work on some things and I think that you can have a great poem.
Thanks for reviewing! I'll try to fix it up a bit.
Is that better?