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Good Morning, Albatross

by yosh


Good Morning, Albatross, beautiful, beautiful Albatross,

How is it that you can so gracefully fly?

Good Morning, Albatross, wonderful, wonderful Albatross,

If I weren't human, I'd join you in the sky.

    

Good Morning, Albatross, joyful, joyful Albatross,

How is it that you can be so free?

Good Morning, Albatross, feathery, feathery Albatross,

If I weren't busy, I'd join you in the sea.

 

Good Noon, Albatross, sleepy, sleepy Albatross,

How is it that you can find a perfect cave?

Good Noon, Albatross, drowsy, drowsy Albatross,

If I weren't tired, I'd join you in the spot that you saved.

 

Good Noon, Albatross, flying, flying Albatross,

How is it that you can befriend the wind?

Good Noon, Albatross, spinning, spinning Albatross,

If we weren't so estranged, I'd fly with you.

 

Good Evening, Albatross, hungry, hungry Albatross,

How is it that you can find the best fish?

Good Evening, Albatross, graceful, graceful Albatross,

If I weren't full, I'd follow you at your wish.

 

Good Night, Albatross, happy, happy Albatross,

How is it that your life is so full of time?

Good Night, Albatross, carefree, carefree Albatross,

If I weren't so overworked, I'd live where freedom is not a crime.

 

Sadly, Albatross, my very good friend, Albatross,

I cannot join you while you savor,

Sadly, Albatross, my beautiful beautiful Albatross,

I have been a victim of labor.


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Fri Jun 25, 2021 6:24 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi InuYosha,

Mailice here with a short review # 400! :D

First of all, I must say that I have never seen a poem about an albatross, and I welcome this species that you want to introduce with it. I was also pleasantly surprised by the content, I thought it would be more of a eulogy about a bird that (is it the king of birds?) scores with its breathtaking wingspan.

I see in this poem not only the urge of a man who wants to become an albatross in order to be free, but also his ignorance of the fact that an animal like an albatross also has a hard life and he thinks it will get better, but I think it will only get worse.

I like how you create indirect repetition (is that what it's called?) with your inclusion of the "good morning / noon, etc" and the adjectives that go with it. If you put them in a row, you can also see a daily routine that the albatross has and it shows me that the man is only subconsciously aware that the bird has a lot of work and has to fight for survival.

What I also like is how the other lines rhyme and you create an interesting poem that makes an exciting undertone.

How is it that you can so gracefully fly?
Good Morning, Albatross, wonderful, wonderful Albatross,
If I weren't human, I'd join you in the sky.

I like the way you express the one longing right in the first stanza, and how this immediately reveals the theme of the poem.

How is it that you can be so free?
Good Morning, Albatross, feathery, feathery Albatross,
If I weren't busy, I'd join you in the sea.

In this line, I really like how the "ignorance" is reflected and you realise that the man is a slave to capitalism, and thus doesn't have the time (or never learnt the necessary knowledge) to realise what albatrosses and birds in general go through. (Of course, you can't make the connection until you've read the whole poem).

How is it that you can find a perfect cave?
Good Noon, Albatross, drowsy, drowsy Albatross,
If I weren't tired, I'd join you in the spot that you saved.

Here I like very much that you can see a little bit in the personality that the person (in my opinion) is more in the direction of neurotic or shy, that he wants to hide.

How is it that you can befriend the wind?
Good Noon, Albatross, spinning, spinning Albatross,
If we weren't so estranged, I'd fly with you.

I like that you draw a link to evolution here. At least that's how I read it. :D

How is it that you can find the best fish?
Good Evening, Albatross, graceful, graceful Albatross,
If I weren't full, I'd follow you at your wish.

Here again I read out that the person probably has the urge but to be controlled or at least to have someone he has who will stand by him in any advice.

How is it that your life is so full of time?
Good Night, Albatross, carefree, carefree Albatross,
If I weren't so overworked, I'd live where freedom is not a crime.

I like the contrast between the albatross and the man in this section. Here he sees capitalism as something bad. In general, you always create a great contrast between the albatross and the man, and when he interprets the bird's flights that way, you can understand why he sees it that way.

Sadly, Albatross, my very good friend, Albatross,
I cannot join you while you savor,
Sadly, Albatross, my beautiful beautiful Albatross,
I have been a victim of labor.

I think your graduation is very sad. Maybe too sad to be honest. It seems as if the man is deadly unhappy. Maybe because he doesn't have a plan for the future or doesn't like his job. I like the parallels you draw and yet create a uniqueness between bird and man. A typical example of freedom and yet well woven into this poem.


Have fun writing!

Mailice.




yosh says...


Thank you for the review! ahaha you still reviewed something from me for #400 tysm!!!!!!

good luck on your reviewing trek and tysm again for the review!

-yosh



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Tue Nov 03, 2020 2:21 am
sulagna wrote a review...



Hello,
Yoshikrab

Welcome to YWS!
I loved your poem!

A nice topic indeed ! Albatross! a poem based on the life and freeness of a bird. I dont know why you chose albatross. I am curious to know what inspired you to write this poem?
I loved the way you compared your life with the bird. Its simply amazing!

I also loved the way you changed the para with morning to noon and then to night!
Also describing the bird's condition at that moment.

So, i have nothing else to say!
I appreciate your poem.
Keep writing!

From Sulagna




yosh says...


Well, thanks for the review! I think I thought up of an albatross 'cause I thought the name sounded cool, so I made a poem for it! :D



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Reviews: 63

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Sun Nov 01, 2020 10:06 pm
NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hewwo! Maryah here, nice to meetcha. Whoa, I've been discovering so much awesome poetry these days (including yours :P)! Anyway, let's just get right into the review.

Grows
Note: I'm not a huge poetry expert so if anything here doesn't make sense just ignore it lol As @RavenWillow said below, in this paragraph,

Good Noon, Albatross, flying, flying Albatross, How is it that you can befriend the wind? Good Noon, Albatross, spinning, spinning Albatross, If we weren't so estranged, I'd fly with you.
a little variety in the word choice of spinning and flying could help it go a bit more smoothly. You mentioned flying/joining in the sky twice in this poem (if you want it that way, that's all you, I'm not telling you what to do, like I said I'm not a pro poet LOL) and this paragraph almost felt a teensy bit out of place. Anyways, that's about it for the grows.

Glows
I like how you start with Albatross in every paragraph! The adjectives and words that you use in every line fit together so perfectly with the rest of the poem. It had a great flow and at that last line at the end:
Sadly, Albatross, my beautiful beautiful Albatross, I have been a victim of labor.
OUCH. Don't we all feel that way sometimes! Anywho, great poem! Keep writing!
:D




yosh says...


Thank you for the review!




The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.
— Walter Benjamin