Mr. Quirk and Lils were sitting on the only white sofa in the drawing-room. Like Lils, his drawing-room too had an aesthetic feeling. The White walls were decorated with photos and paintings, none of which he could recognize other than those of Lils. In the middle of the ceiling, there was a hanging lamp. The large windows were all curtained in honour of his hiding. Mr. Quirk regretted having misbehaved with Lils and so did Lils as his face bespoke an apologizing look. "Mr. Quirk, see!" Lils gently put the newspaper in front of Mr. Quirk. It read:
The Government has responded to us. Today, every single house in the country will be searched. Not only the house but literally the whole country will be ransacked for the Criminal. The Government has gathered enough people to do it. The size of the country is obviously a facilitating factor here. Since today morning, a road curfew has been issued. We urge you, people, to co-operate. None can be trusted. Also, wherever you go, please carry your ID card. However, we doubt this will help... A must mention, a helicopter was seen in the sky two days ago which belongs to our enemy. We wonder why no action was taken.
Mr.Quirk was staring at Lils who simply smiled. "I doubt my house will be searched. I have a good reputation as a patriot as I already told you." He assured.
"But if they do—"
"In case they do, look. You haven't noticed that well, I guess." He said pointing towards a picture on the wall. It was quite similar to Mr. Quirk's younger self. He wondered how he had missed that one. "He is my brother. Now he lives abroad. A bit of makeup will do, I guess."
"But his ID?"
"He left his ID while leaving abroad. That's a story. Let's not go to that. Those are pretty old photos. Now, he kind of looks like you. He's 65 years old. Unlike you, his aging lines have appeared a bit soon."
"Um... when do you think we should start with the make-up?"
"Now, maybe."
They did so. Mr. Quirk had not seen that room before. It was a pretty tiny room, more like a storeroom. There were goods scattered all around. Lil's pointed towards the east of the room. There was a small mirror and some make-up items. "Come, Mr. Quirk," Lils said, "Here you go with my make-up items. I used them for my own makeup when I used to guard you."
Mr.Quirk had to admire Lils' makeup skills. He was looking much younger and a bit different too, more like the person who he was supposed to be dressed as.
The doorbell rang. "Who- who is it, Lils?" Mr. Quirk stammered.
"Perhaps them. Go to the adjacent room and pretend to be sleeping. I am moving these and opening the door– Go"
"Are you from the Government?" He could hear Lils asking the people in a neutral tone as if nothing had happened. "I need to see your ID cards to see... We can't trust people.”
Mr. Quirk had an image of the people shoving their ID cards and Lils doing the same for then one of the men stammered, " You– you are L. Lokils?"
"Yes, I am."
"Eh... I don't think" the man said but he discontinued, maybe because the other one shot him a disagreeing look.
Mr. Quirk was listening to all these very attentively. His heart leapt. "Whose cup is it?" Obviously, the man was talking about Mr. Quirk's cup.
"Oh yeah, that's my brother's cup. He returned yesterday night from abroad." Lils was explaining, "He is in the bedroom. I prefer not to disturb him but if you want... You can."
"We should." Snapped the man, "come on. Way?"
"That way." Lils directed. Mr. Quirk's heart seemed to be out of the rib cage. He was trying to be really asleep but neither his brain nor his heart was allowing him to. He heard the nearing footsteps.
"Who are you?" Said the man flying open the door he had closed.
He pretended to wake up with dreamy eyes, "Me? I am Lils' brother." He suddenly realized he had forgotten to ask his name.
"Your ID card?"
"Oh yeah, wait. I am giving." Lils interrupted. He ran to the adjacent room and was back with the ID card in no time, "Here it is."
The man maliciously checked it. "Alright. Now, the other rooms and yes, we need to check your lab too."
"Okay." Lils said calmly.
"Done. We need to check your lab now." The man said after completing the check of all the rooms.
Mr. Quirk's heart was pounding fast. He had woken up from the bed and was walking along with them.
"The key?" Lils handed over the key to them. Mr. Quirk held back Lils' hand and whispered, "No. Danger."
The two men entered the lab to check. Mr. Quirk was staring at the table on which the memory-losing chemical was kept. For the first time, he noticed how big the lab was. The chemicals in the lab were clearly innumerable. It was double the size of his own lab. He missed it... However, his thought was interrupted.
"What is thi—" the man had started but did not finish. Both the men collapsed on the floor. He and Lils stared at them; a long silence followed. Lils spoke first, "What happened to them?"
"They... They are... Dead." Mr. Quirk replied in a grave voice. His heart was not ready for seeing two fresh deaths in front of his eyes and that also solely for him.
End of chapter
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hey Forever!
RandomTalks here with a review!
I really liked this chapter. It is quite different from the other chapters where you maintain a quite fast pace throughout. This one on the other hand, seemed to have been slowed down and it included more descriptions and thoughts as well. This really helped because you really haven't used much description before. Even though you spend just a few lines to describe the drawing room, we can now imagine the scene with the newspaper better.
Even Mr. Quirk's thoughts when the government people had come to investigate were well presented. I could feel his nerves and his anticipation of all that could go wrong. He is of course much older than Lils and is therefore not used to such excitement. Nor is he much experienced in acting, which is very evident in the way he reacts to the government people.
What I really liked about this chapter was how in spit of opening with a slow pace, you built it up piece by piece, creating more tension until it finally ended at the cliffhanger in the end. I really had not expected that to happen. It seems quite similar to how people have randomly dropped dead across the country and it makes me wonder if after all, his memory erasing potion is behind all this.
One thing I have noticed in all your works, is how you write the word 'no one' as 'none'. The words have a quite different meanings and you often write it in the wrong context which ends up changing the meaning of the sentence.
Overall, this was a really great chapter. I can feel the story building towards its conclusion now and I am excited to see how you deliver it.
Hi ForeverYoung299,
Mailice here with a short review!
That was a good chapter. I liked how you slowed down the pace a bit and still managed to create tension. I liked how the chapter breaks up into parts; like the newspaper article, Lils and Mr. Quirk talking about their plan or the ending part. I was very surprised how the chapter felt like that until the end.
What I really appreciate are your inserted descriptions. It gives the story more vibrancy and I think you've also managed to give enough information here without bogging the chapter down or not giving enough information. It doesn't feel choppy or crowded. I really like that.
I also like how you hinted at the beginning that there were pictures and photos on the walls and come back to that later, with the photo of Lils' brother. That was a well-built in hint and I also liked how that problem was solved without it feeling too plot-conditioned.
It was a really good chapter that also bristled with a great ending. Now I'm even more curious to see what will happen next.
Other points that stood out to me:
I really like the way you start here and describe a little bit what it looks like. I also like that you go a little deeper into the details and also add colours or tell that there are photos/pictures. It gives the place more vividness and helps the reader to find their way around. Well done!
That's an interesting article you've written and I like the way you've gone about describing something, what are the consequences. I like it so far and hope Mr. Quirk has another ace up his sleeve.
I was already a bit sceptical in the last chapter whether Lils wasn't acting a bit too much on his own. Here I'm curious to see if that turns out to be true.
That's a good point you've added here, that he didn't ask for the name. Because I don't think anyone introduces themselves as someone's brother when they're asked their name.
I would add another blank line between the two lines, or a dash or something, so that the reader sees that a little time has passed between the two points. This way it looks confusing because it is still said in the sentence before that that the laboratory is to be checked.
This is a very interesting way of describing a new death. It's a bit unusual but a great approach.
Have fun writing!
Maiilce
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a pretty tense chapter...after a couple of more relaxing chapters and the experiments, we got a little more action and tension in this one...and its a pretty nice way for this experiment to get proven too..this chapter is definitely going to lead to some interesting things to come here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...so I'm assuming this is the drawing room in whatever the secret place that Lils and Mr. Quirk are currently hiding in from the government...and well, it does seem like a pretty good place there...Lils is definitely quite wealthy.
Ooh, I don't know if that is something that's good enough for the two of them to be gambling on when the government is at a point where they are willing to search literally every house in the country to find Mr. Quirk although potentially a place like this will be among the last searched if Lils has such a good reputation.
Well, that is pretty handy there...the fact that Lils has a brother that resembles Mr. Quirk...not to mention that is a pretty clever plan there, hiding in plain sight like that with a disguise will certainly be better than constantly having to be on the run there.
Well...clearly people in this world don't age the same way that people in our one do...cause well 65 is not an early age for ageing lines to appear...xD
That definitely needs to be done as soon as possible there...doesn't seem like a thing you want to delay just in case the government springs some sort of surprise search on them.
Well...I think I said this already but well...Lils..has a looot of talents, I wonder how he managed to learn all of those skills while technically just being a regular old scientist here.
Well that was quick...this should be quite interesting...either that or there's someone else that's coming in here to check on them and it could even the enemy having tracked them down...oh dear.
Well he's definitely famous.
Well, looks like despite his patriotism it looks like at least one of the men there want to make sure they thoroughly check all the houses..that means the government is at least a thorough one...its only sad they're chasing the wrong target here.
These guys are definitely doing a nice job of following all the required protocols here without letting anyone get away easily...also adds a nice bit of tension here which is great to see.
Okay...that was a bit of a rude way to talk to someone who's supposed to be sleeping...I would hope they are a bit more polite about talking to someone who's sleeping there.
Oh dear...well, the tension is building there...him not knowing what the name of the person he's supposed to be is definitely seems like it can only end in disaster there.
Well that man definitely is suspecting these two a bit here...he definitely seems to be checking everything almost hoping to run into evidence that one of them is Mr. Quirk.
Well, that is definitely not going to end well there....the lab is still going to have that crazy compound not to mention it's possible without the proper protection that thing may actually end up killing the men here.
Ahhhh...I hope nothing goes wrong here but its hard to imagine anything other than death being the end here...especially Mr. Quirk's warning that its going to be a dangerous inside the lab.
Well...that went pretty much exactly as expected...but on the other hand, it is now pretty much confirmed, this memory erasing thing that Mr. Quirk created is also some kind of deadly chemical that is responsible for the chaos happening across the country there...and now Mr. Quirk has proof that his creation is in fact causing all the death...its going to be interesting to see how he deals with that confirmation now.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall another pretty good chapter here, I like how we get a bit of a scene to remind us the government is still trying to track Mr. Quirk down, it lets you as the reader know that Mr. Quirk is the most wanted man in the country at the moment and the government really is putting a lot of effort into catching him. All in all, really excited to see what's to come next here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I wonder why I laugh reading your reviews. Anyways, thanks a lot for the review.
You're Welcome!!
xD...I do try to make them a bit funny
And succeeds too.