It had been a month since the incident. Mr. Quirk had had an idea to use those bodies as cadavers and perhaps that was a real success, as he defined it. Something was strange about the bodies. They neither became cold nor did they emit any type of rotten smell. Precisely, the bodies were not showing the majority of the traits that dead bodies should show.
Mr. Quirk was doing something pretty childish. It was just a major effect of the deaths he had seen but was not ready for. Keeping aside those horrible mind images of the deaths, he was doing his work. He injected food pills once into the cadavers' bodies. If they are still alive, Mr. Quirk thought, by some miraculous means, it will help.
On the other hand, Lils was becoming a bit desperate for the invention; it's quite natural for a patriot to be desperate for his country. As much as Lils knew, the only step that they had advanced was the invention that the deadly substance was a gas. However, though he did not inform Lils, Mr. Quirk had advanced one more step. And if he was right, he invented the formula of that mysterious gas. Lils' desperate nature was a bit too arrogant for him to tell Lils. There were several arguments based on their research which often were on the verge of escalating into scuffles. The next task he had to do was to find the antidote to it. He mixed several substances, reacted them with the invisible gas but with no success. Also, he often brought the compounds in contact with the dead bodies in hope of something happening. However, bad luck...
He went to sleep in his usual manner. Nowadays, he took his cadaver along with him to protect it from falling into Lils' hands. Lils remarked the cadavers as the pain in the neck. He locked the room and went to bed.
He was 50 years old. He was in the lab experimenting. He made the compound, took a sip of it, and then —
"Mr. Quirk, Mr. Quirk. I have caught you."
He sprang out of the bed. The cadaver, no, the man was staring at him and shouting. He pinched himself to see if it was a dream but it wasn't. The cadaver was back to life! Was he successful then?
"A-are you alive?" Mr. Quirk stammered.
"Yes, you wanted to kill me?" The officer snapped.
"No, no. I mean these days–the whole month... You were alive?"
"Whole month? What whole month?"
"What did you last do?"
"I went to the lab," The officer started looking bewildered, "Then, then you must have done something to me. I can't remember—"
"Lils! Lils, come here." Mr. Quirk screamed in amazement, "See, see! He is alive! I have made it."
The door flung open. "Hands up!" Shouted a man. This man was not the police officer nor Lils. This man was the younger version of Mr. Quirk. The only difference was that he was a bit tall and his eyes were dull. He was Lils' brother.
"Lils, what is he telling?" Mr. Quirk faltered, his excitement had a sudden downfall.
"Do as he say." Lils snapped.
"I said hands up!" the man shouted, "Give the formula to me, now!"
"No!' Mr. Quirk said mechanically. His brain was perhaps malfunctioning. What was really happening and why was it happening? And did he really invented the formula?
"No! I said give it to me. I said give it to me or I will die. Give it to me."
Mr.Quirk looked helplessly at Lils who shouted, "Return my favour. Give it to him."
"I-I will surely give it to the country..." He was disbelieving his eyes and ears. Maybe they were just doing it for Lnito, maybe it was a result of exaggerated patriotism. They wanted the formula to be safe.
"I have promised them that I will give the formula. Give it to me." Lils' brother screamed.
"I don't know what is the correct formula."
"You do not have it! You fool! Give it to me! They will kill me!"
"Who is this 'they'?"
"Lnito's enemies! Give it to me!"
"I won't give my formula to the enemies. Never."
"Then you die." Lils' brother pointed the gun towards him. He could feel the gun on his forehead. Honestly, he had no regret in dying if he could have passed on his possible formulas to a safe person but there was no way. his past saviour was now his to-be-murderer's helper. What a fate! He was standing in front of his inevitable fate.
A gunshot was heard.
End of chapter
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey Forever!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
Okay...I did not expect that to happen. I had been a little wary about Lil's intention to help Mr. Quirk as I do not think he had ever provided the 'why' of the question. Still, he had seemed sincere enough and I had really believed he was doing all this for the country, which I guess he still is. Even so, this was an incredible plot twist that I absolutely did not see coming. It has shifted the story in a new direction and with only one chapter to go, I am really curios about how it all ends.
One suggestion though. We got to know about Lil's brother in only the previous chapter and suddenly he assumes such a big role in here. Maybe you you could include a little more detail or background around him so that the readers can understand better. Otherwise he feels like a random character who sprang up for the purpose of a plot twist.
It is really a shame that all this had to happen just after Mr. Quirk invented the antidote. I thought that finally something good was going to happen, only the story took a 180 degree turn after that.
Well, let's just see where this is going!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...well, things are really heating up here, everything is beginning to escalate now and I feel like we're now approaching a third act here, perhaps even the final act at this rate...well, this certainly was a pretty good chapter here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...a little bit of a timeskip I see...that's an interesting choice there...I wonder what this is going to lead to here. Also...well, the bodies there not decomposing like regular dead bodies are supposed to be doing is definitely very interesting here.
Well, that's understandable considering how he must be feeling at the moment having just realized that his invention can cause so much chaos and death when his only intention was to try and forget a tragic incident from his past.
Oooh, the ellipse at the end has me curious as to whether something properly crazy ends up happening there as a result of all these experiments. Also...I like how this part is a bit of a summary here and we get to see that these two have been working hard on trying to figure out more about the invention and find a cure...it's clear now that they've been working quite and both of them are slowly getting desperate and frustrated here.
Well, that must be a pretty interesting task there having to take care of what is essentially two dead bodies, that can't be very easy even if they aren't decomposing, it can't exactly be easy to live near a dead body there.
Oh dear...what is going on here...
Did that person just come back from the dead or something, oh wow, this is pretty crazy here....that's definitely not something along the lines of what I was expecting to happen here...but well, this is a neat little twist here.
Well, it looks like this person remembers nothing from what happened in that month, I wonder if this invention here doesn't actually kill people but rather makes them appear dead somehow..cause this seems to be a situation like that at the moment.
Well, it looks like Mr. Quirk is at least happy that he managed to figure out the correct formula for the antidote there...this should certainly be quite interesting going forward. Lils should hopefully be equally as happy here.
Well, that's not good, looks like we're about to have yet another twist in this tale and this one unlike most of the previous ones is not going to end up being any good to Mr. Quirk at all by the sound of things...it looks like even Lils is actually an enemy at this point.
Well, considering all the crazy things that have currently happened to him at the moment, its not surprising that he's unable to believe what's happening in front of him at the moment cause this is certainly not something anyone would've suspected there.
Oh I highly doubt that, its pretty clear now that both of these two are working for the enemy somehow..either voluntarily which would be properly horrifying or they've at least been forced to work for the enemy here.
Okay...everything is descending into some proper chaos now here...by the looks of things...it appears that these two are in fact being forced to work for the enemy here...or at least that what it sounds like...it could even be the government threatening them here but I doubt it.
Well that about confirms things there...its definitely the enemies there, and it looks like it all just going to end in a big mess here if Mr. Quirk is forced to give up the formula to the enemies here...the only option for him at the moment seems to be to maybe try and get help from the officer here.
Ahhhhhhhh...well that's a lovely cliffhanger there...everything nicely coming to a head there in the last paragraph as Mr. Quirk promises to himself that he would never do anything against the country and then...well...I can't wait to see what's coming next here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid chapter here...and oh gosh...I can't wait for the next part to come out...I must find out what that gunshot was about ahhhh...
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey! Thanks for the review! My brain just told me to put 1000 twists in the chapter andI did it... That's me
You're Welcome!!
xD...that's a good strategy there.
Hi ForeverYoung299,
I like that. I also like how this chapter is more about Mr. Quirk's invention and you finally learn more about what exactly it was. I liked the chapter.
Mailice here with a short review!
This chapter went from 0 to 100 to a real Frankenstein's Monster Story.
You managed to keep the reader working towards this moment for a long time and convinced by creating something truly interesting. I didn't expect Mr. Quirk to have made such an invention.
In terms of structure, I liked the chapter. You made an effort to give some descriptions and also an insight into Mr. Quirk's thoughts. I noticed that this was also the bigger focus in the first half, where I think you can incorporate this more often.
I liked how you put in a plot twist towards the end and how it turns everything upside down now and how the ending develops into an open cliffhanger. I really hope that this is not the end of the story.
I think you still need to put in sometimes when there's dialogue where there's more than one character, who's speaking. Most of the time it makes sense to think about who is speaking, and it is obvious, but the reader should never stop too long in one place to think about who is speaking. (At least when there are more than 2 characters present).
It was a compelling and well constructed chapter.
Other points that stood out to me:
I like this sentence. I think it has to do with the fact that it leaves a different impression when people otherwise talk about patriotism.
I think you got the structure wrong here or you wanted to insert another word for arrogant, because I don't see how that correlates with Lils' desperation. Arrogant is actually more the opposite here in the case.
Here the second inverted comma has lost half.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Hey! Thanks for the review! And yes, has my writing improved since the first chapter? I haven't read the story that u specified tho... I will give it a shot.
And yes, it's not the end.