Going against the old age stereotype, he finished closing the passageway. It took him about 5 hours to put the soil into that passageway finally covering it. He was ineffably wearied in body and mind. The events succeeded one another a bit too fast for an old man to comprehend.
However, now he had enough time to do it. He was in the heart of a forest of bamboo trees and a countable number of fruit trees. His only food was those fruits and some dry food that he had packed prior to the escape. The man who had saved him was of course a great man but who was he? And didn't Mr. Quirk land that person in danger? He could be arrested for helping an assumed criminal. He hoped that the man managed to escape the same way he had appeared as the saviour. He took out one biscuit from the bag and started eating. He looked around in hope of some fruits. It was already drizzling, now it started raining heavily. He suddenly realized that he had forgotten to pack an umbrella. His only protection was a polythene packet which he brought for keeping things if he got any.
He had to go tomorrow or perhaps today in search of information. He chalked a plan. First of all, he had to cloak himself and that also in a decent manner. He brought with him some shirts and jeans of when he was younger. He put them on him and looked at the tiny hand mirror. Huh, he wasn't looking bad. Putting on a mustache, beard and a sun-glass would do. He smiled after many days.
Mr. Quirk was walking through the deserted city streets and gazing at the signboards, shops and houses all bearing his posters and the word 'WANTED' written in red, bold letters. It was better to go through the news once before setting onto his task. He neared a signpost on which today's newspapers were attached. It read:
ESCAPE OF THE VENOMOUS OLD MAN
Yesterday was supposed to be the day of Mr. Quirk's arrest but it marked his villainous escape from his house. He had chalked a plan which would have proved futile if the man(supposed to be an enemy spy) wouldn't have saved him. He appeared from nowhere and saved the criminal. The Government's role in the security was deplorable. How could the Police Officers eat the food when poisoning food is as easy as lying. The Government should have kept more human guards than the robots. The robots, not surprisingly, were hacked. We on behalf of the citizens of Lnito urge the Government to find bim as soon as possible. His escape proves to be the biggest evidence of his sin.
He sighed. He had thought of something worse. His helper wasn't caught. Nothing could be more pleasing than that.
“Mr. Quirk”
He almost jumped, “Who– who?”
“I am the one who helped you to escape.” the man standing beside him answered.
Mr. Quirk looked at the green eyes, yelled “No!” but too late.
***
Mr. Quirk was screeching, shouting, howling, yelling, perhaps crying– he himself didn't know what he was doing. The only thing he knew was that he was in the darkest room he had ever seen in his life. His nyctophobia was hunting him more than the feeling of someone standing beside him.
“So, Mr. Quirk. Ready for dying?” The man said in a monotonous voice.
Mr. Quirk's head was still throbbing. He had travelled almost 10 hours in a helicopter. He couldn't make an account of what was happening. “No.” the word mechanically came out of his mouth.
“Yes, you have to die. We can't take any risk. We can not keep you alive. You will die and the time is now. Shoot him!” the monotonous voice said again as if the man had no remorse killing him.
His brain was telling him to speak– to ask why they wanted to kill him? If he was killed, they would not know what he had invented. No, they couldn't kill him, no, this couldn't happen.
“Shoot him” the man repeated.
Mr. Quirk had nothing to do nor was he able to speak. He closed his eyes waiting for his inevitable death. He heard a gunshot, his mouth fell open in horror but none of his body parts was hurting. Perhaps, he was in hell now. Dying was so easy. He had a painless death. He could hear some babel but his ears wanted to remain oblivious to those. He heard another gunshot. How were people killing each other in hell? They were already dead, weren't they? Another gunshot. His eyes were still closed. Another one, another– he opened his eyes trying to perceive what had just happened. No, he was in Earth, in fact in the same room. The only difference was that the lights were on and all were lying dead on the floor except one– the black-brown-eyed man. The man shot an ethereal smile. Mr. Quirk was taken aback from death.
End of chapter
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey Forever!
RandomTalks here with a review!
A lot of action in this chapter! I liked how you began simply with his reflection on the happenings of the previous chapter. It felt more or less like the quiet before a storm. I can also understand his curiosity and gratefulness towards the man that let him escape. H e is confused about his identity and I think you portrayed that well.
For some reason this part really made me smile. There is something incredibly funny about a 110 year old an dressing up to go outside in disguise.
I think that was the last moment of quiet, before everything blew up out of proportions. The latter half of the story was very fast paced and there was so much action that I had to skim through the words to keep up. It was quite exciting to read but I do think you could have taken a moment to contemplate his thoughts especially when he thought he was going to die.
I am extremely curios about this mystery savior though. Who is he and why does he keep saving him? How does he even know when he is in danger?
Interesting chapter. Time to move on to the next chapter!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baack for another review!!
First Impression: Okayy...a pretty nice addition to this story here...it was a nice little scene to show that the government is in fact still tracking Mr.Quirk and wasn't fooled that easily. You've managed to make the government a pretty formidable organization here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, Mr. Quirk is indeed being quite active for someone that's as old as he is. Not to mention the fact that he's over a hundred years old means he's lived longer than most humans could anyway, so that in itself is pretty interesting there.
Hmm, well he definitely has planned this out pretty well there if he's already managed to pack dry foods and a few other essentials before coming on the journey. Those will definitely be essential if he's going to have to live on the run from the police. And I love how he thinks of the man who saved him there as well, even if it was a stranger, the fact that Mr. Quirk gives a thought to see whether the man made it back safely makes him a protagonist that is that much more likeable.
Oooh...looks like Mr. Quirk is going to be using some disguises there to hide from the police...that should be pretty fun too going forward. And that smile at the end where you see Mr. Quirk is finally happy after being trapped in his house for so long is a lovely touch there at the end. You can see how much it means to him to have successfully escaped there.
Oh wow..they got those wanted posters out quick...you can definitely tell that Mr. Quirk is pretty much public enemy #1 at the moment with the government and everyone wanting him to get arrested. Hopefully he does managed to find information to prove his innocence or things won't end well for him.
Well, the newspapers are definitely not painting a very flattering picture of the poor guy...but of course if you look at it from the point of view of the people writing that article you can't blame them either...they simply don't know what's truly happened, not even Mr. Quirk knows yet.
Ahh, it is definitely nice to see that he was trying to see if the person who helped him managed to good away...just adds more to his personality like I said earlier in the review.
OOOh...well that was quite mysterious, one on hand, the person that helped him managed to find him which is awesome but then that final line where the scene cuts out makes me think something potentially horrible happened right after that meeting. I do hope they didn't both get captured by the police...cause that would not end well for either of the two of them here.
Yeah, that is most definitely not a good sign...although I don't know if this is the government or not, this seems quite extreme here, I almost think perhaps Mr. Quirk was captured by the enemy here cause it definitely seems like someone that's about to do something horrible to poor Mr. Quirk.
Okay...interesting to see how he managed to notice they were in a helicopter...I assume he was perhaps not fully unconscious after being captured. At any rate, this is properly terrifying here with Mr. Quirk death being threatened here right away in a scary dark room.
OKay...that does kind of suggest this could be the government, well that's not too hard to imagine though considering he is pretty much the most wanted criminal at that point..but well, things are definitely looking quite bleak for Mr. Quirk here.
Oooh, another wonderful little twist there at the last minute, you did a great job trying to convince us that Mr. Quirk was going to die, those emotions there at the end are definitely pretty realistic...as you see him embrace the fact that he's about to die...and then of course that epic rescue is pretty neat here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a pretty nice chapter here...another action packed one and those are always my favorite. ALso looks like this black-brown-eyed man is a pretty skilled person there to take out all those government agents...I'm very much looking forward to seeing what happens next here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi ForeverYoung299,
Mailice here with a short review!
I have to say, this was a very action-packed and good chapter from a plot point of view. I liked how the two halves of the plot complemented each other here. First the seclusion he has when he is in the forest and then the arrest. I thought it was a bit funny that Mr. Quirk was so easily fooled, but I also thought it was well orchestrated for the continuation of the plot. I would just try to make it a little more obvious that he is being watched. For example, when he's reading, he feels like he's being watched.
I also like that you show his fear of the dark again here and think it's a good point to show a weakness of his as well.
I thought in general the chapter had more to offer in terms of plot than the previous ones, and I think we've reached a point here where you can try to bring the story to this speed and length. We have now had long enough glimpses of the escape and imprisonment of Mr. Quirk.
I also liked how you created that cliffhanger at the end and could have created an early ending. (Of course I'm glad it didn't turn out that way.)
Other points that stood out to me:
I would rewrite it to "a bamboo tree forest" to make it sound better and because you still talk about the fruit trees later in the same sentence.
I like the way Mr. Quirk thinks about his rescuer here. It shows that he still has compassion. I also think it's a good insertion that he's thinking about someone else in this situation.
I would rewrite it to "It was the first time he smiled after so many days." The way you wrote it, it's safe to assume he's been wandering in the woods for days or even weeks.
You would need to insert a larger line or lines here, as this is clearly a timeskip.
A question mark belongs here at the end.
This is missing a full stop or a question mark at the end.
This was a good chapter, which increases the curiosity for the next chapters.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.