Young Writers Society

Hey Forever!

RandomTalks here with a review!

I like this cat and mouse game they play with his memory. Each chapter brings us a little closer to the answers and yet at the end when you think about it you realize that you still don't know anything at all. Gathering his life stories from his neighbors are helpful for reviving his memory but I don't think it's enough. It will be like listening to someone else's stories until he actually remembers who he is. Still they seem to be positive, so I am going to share their attitude.

I did find it a little strange how Mr. Quirk reacted to his wife and son's death as if it was some bad homework that brought him headache. You had a chance to explore his emotions here, and not just his thoughts, but I feel like the chance went unused. You could have delved into his surprise, his sudden sense of loss, his grief and mourning. These are people who had been important to him and now he doesn't even remember their death.

I also feel like the vision he is always talking about, the one of him holding a bottle in his hand is a very important one that is going to have much significance towards the story. It keeps coming up and it has to mean something.

Well, let's see where this is going!

Hi ForeverYoung299,

Mailice here with a short review!

This was a short and tasty chapter. With each new chapter you get closer to the thing that Mr. Quirk invented as well as a little bit of his past and at the same time you get lost again because it's like an escalator that you use in the opposite direction.

You used a stylistic device in this chapter, which you already showed in the last one; the rapid change of dialogue between Mr. Quirk and Lils. I like this exchange because it already shows that these are two very intellectual people talking.

I also liked that a new piece of information was revealed; Mr. Quirk had a family that is dead or gone. I like the approach of not knowing so directly what their status is, and also find that a good way to raise the tension. Is it all to do with his invention?

But I also thought that the transition between the last chapter and this one was a bit too fast and that there was something of a gap. Especially now that the plot is moving faster, I think you have to try to include things that are not relevant to the story, so as not to reveal something from one minute to the next that was actually technically revealed a few days later in the plot.

Other points that stood out to me:

Mr. Quirk was sitting on a couch reading the files. Opposite to him was Lils arranging the other files. Mr. Quirk was stressing himself with all the minute details that Lils had gathered.

He had a horrible past. 62 years ago, his whole family(his wife and son), in an accident fall off from a considerable height and was never found.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave another review!!

First Impression: Well...this opened up some new questions here even as it partially answered the biggest mystery in this story...its a really interesting chapter you've got here...although I would say that the one issue I have with this is while its a great idea to include his past there...the description of his horrible past went on for perhaps a tiny bit too long...I feel like you should make that a bit shorter there to give the effect of his memory being a little faint...but even as is, its not too bad, its just a tiny bit awkward.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Mr. Quirk was sitting on a couch reading the files. Opposite to him was Lils arranging the other files. Mr. Quirk was stressing himself with all the minute details that Lils had gathered. His brain was hurting a lot, perhaps due to the stress or maybe some other reason. He had a horrible past. 62 years ago, his whole family(his wife and son), in an accident fall off from a considerable height and was never found. Perhaps, they were dead. He wondered why there wasn't any picture of them. However, it also became clear why the neighbours had refused to tell him much about his past. They didn't really want him to recall it.

"Eat it. It might help." Lils said handing him a pill and a glass of water. Mr. Quirk was no more surprised with this telepathy. In only one day, he had understood that it was useless being surprised at that.

He had hoped that the pill would help. However, they didn't. All the nerves of his brain were still piercing it.

"Have you recalled anything, Mr. Quirk?" Lils said.

"Yea."

"Yea?" Lils seemed to be curious which was quite obvious.

"No, nothing except that vision became a bit clearer."

"Vision?" Lils asked, his face becoming more curious.

"Yes, vision. It's a vision of 60 years back. I have interpreted it by seeing my wall pictures. It's just my younger self jumping in excitement holding something."

"What something|?"

"A bottle— a bottle containing something. I can't really see what it is."

"Something invisible?"

"Um... How is it possible?"

"Maybe you invented something unique. And yes, I guess the pain is due to this recalling phenomenon."

"How do you—"

"My brother had a memory loss. So, I know all these. Now, he lives abroad."

"By the way," Mr. Quirk said, his prickling head between his palms, "How do you think I lost my memory?"

"I don't really know. Your neighbours do not have any theory. They say that you were in your house. Suddenly, you came out and started asking who you are. Pretty weird. Maybe the enemies did something to you after stealing it and then they returned you to..."

Mr. Quirk was not listening. His brain had a different theory. He interrupted, "Can't this be an effect of what I had invented?"