Young Writers Society

Hey Forever!

RandomTalks here with a review!

This chapter resumes the fast pace of the story and we are once again back from the character exploration. I think you really portrayed the different emotions of the characters so subtly in this chapter - the frustration and the desperation of the police. You can see it very well in the way they conduct the interrogation. Of course, they have a lot of pressure on them, but police are not really allowed to behave like that towards a suspect. I think you portrayed this well. Also, there is the slightly arrogant boredom of Mr. Quirk. He has gone through this several time, so one more interview really does not make a difference to him. I do think that for a 100 year old man he sure is a little inconsiderate and unfeeling towards the police.

Overall, this chapter moved the plot along a little, and I think Mr. Quirk is now going to take matters into his hand and try to come up with some solution for the problem. It will be interesting to see how that goes. But still it is good to see him taking responsibility at last.

That's all for today! Have a great day!

Hi ForeverYoung299,



Mailice here with a short review!



This was an interesting and informative chapter. I see that you tried to move the plot forward here, and also with the structure of descriptions and the dialogues. They complement each other well and also give meaning in context. I like how in the chapter here you try to build up the tension in this dark room and create further sympathy for Mr. Quirk. Again, it gives the reader that sense of knowing the person better. I like how he goes in there confident and with a strong ego and I also like that the police officer knows about him and still tries to get something from him.

But I also think the chapter was short. I think this is where you would have had the best opportunity to build up more questions and give the reader new information that you are already sporadically giving out to us. By making this chapter so short, everything went by even faster than usual compared to the others. It seems to me that Mr. Quirk took longer to get into the room than the entire interview. Here you could have put in some simple things about Mr. Quirk, like what his full name is, his place of birth, his date of birth, etc... so the police officer knows it's really him.

Other than that, it was a good set up for the story. Other points that stood out to me while reading:

It was the shortest questioning Mr. Quirk had ever faced. He had been asked almost the very same questions as in the previous ones.

"So, do you have anything new to ask me,"

I am trying to help but you people are not believing me.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: A pretty neat little chapter here too...we get a little bit of a sense of how much time may have passed now with Mr. Quirk being under house arrest, and we get to see the sort of thing he has to undergo while under house arrest.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was the shortest questioning Mr. Quirk had ever faced. He had been asked almost the very same questions as in the previous ones. He had a fresh image of the mind of Police officers. They thought that repeating the questions might make his answers to alter. However, bad luck, that was not to happen.

“So, do you have anything new to ask me,” Mr. Quirk begun instead of the police officer, “If yes, then you can start and if no, you don't have to struggle, I am saying you all my answers. Shall I?” He was quite tedious with it. His fear went downhill in the last two.

“I see that you have gained courage but worry not, the questions I will ask you will surely squeeze your bravery.” said the Police officer opposite to him in a gravelly voice.

The room was dark except for two pale lights that focused on the officer and Mr. Quirk. He was kind of nyctophobic. That increased his annoyance. He gained some courage and said, “Didn't you tell the same the last time?” This was true. Perhaps, the police department was also feeling quite helpless not being able to extract the slightest information from him.

“You– YOU SHUT UP. TELL– tell me, will– WILL YOU HELP US OR NOT? TELL CLEARLY.”

“I am trying to help but you people are not believing me. What can I do?”

You–You will not help us! How– how dare you say that!” the police officer said; his hand tightly clutched around a pencase, the force was a bit less than required to break it.

Mr. Quirk could feel the desperate attitude of the officer. Evidently, the Government was threatening them for clues and information. He felt pity for the police but had nothing to do.

“Well, well,” the police officer said in a brittle voice, “You– you go out! Go out and get lost! Get lost I said.”

There was a minor tumult between the other police officers regarding the matter before he was allowed to go. He had a sudden impression that he had to do something– He had to find a solution to it.

Hey there! I shall preface this review with the fact I'm jumping into your story from the middle so while the plot definitely seems intriguing I shall focus my review on grammar etc. so as not to make any silly assumptions about things.

Obviously, I cannot skip over the fact that you're writing uses a structure and word choice different from most in this day and age. It's not really my place to criticize it as it is very much a personal choice any author can make, but I shall make a comment that with any more... adventurous choice like this you will likely face some criticism and also push some readers away because it can feel more taxing on the reader to understand because it isn't as simplistic. The best way to avoid that is to make sure it fits the story and has a reason to be there (time period perhaps). With all that in mind though, I like it because it makes your story stand out and therefore more memorable. (Not a criticism but rather a warning as someone who has tried similar things.)

On to nitpicks and suggestions (feel free to take or ignore these at your own fruition):

Mr. Quirk begun instead of the police officer

I am saying you all my answers.

the questions I will ask you will surely squeeze your bravery.

He was kind of nyctophobic. That increased his annoyance.

“You– YOU SHUT UP. TELL– tell me, will– WILL YOU HELP US OR NOT? TELL CLEARLY.”

the force was a bit less than required to break it.

Mr. Quirk could feel the desperate attitude of the officer.

You have a good way of using dialogue, it's interesting and almost old time-ish. But I'm interested to see how it goes!