“Oh! Like how it happened? How are random people being killed? Like it's not possible! Do you have any theory Mr. Sugmeg?” The President said gravely.
“I think people's food is being poisoned somehow. We have to wait till the Post-Mortem report.” Mr. Sugmeg, the science minister answered.
“Oh! How– how can we stop this poisoning? Do you have any idea, Mr. Quirk?”
Mr. Quirk was feeling very annoying not getting anything to do. He got some task now– he shook his head gazing at the President. He had no belief in what Sugmeg was saying. The telephone rang.
“Hello. There is nothing in the body of the victims. They are being tested by at least 2-4 agencies but nothing has been found.” The heavy voice on the telephone said and it hung up.
“So, what do you people think?” The President said re-adjusting himself in the chair, “Is what we deduced true then?”
Several pairs of eyes stared at each other and finally met Mr. Quirk's. He couldn't help but ask, “What have I done?”
“YOU BLOKE– You helped the enemies! You—” Tisonts started with all the energy he had but the sound of telephone again interrupted.
“We are very sad to say that the Finance Minister breathed his last a few minutes ago.” Said the same heavy voice as earlier.
The President's anger and Mr. Quirk's trepidation were bestowed on their faces. The line ‘you helped the enemies’ was still ringing in Mr. Quirk's throbbing brain and heart. I helped the enemies, he thought, how can they give me such allegations?
His question was soon answered. “Mr. Quirk, you are allowed to go back home but do not try to escape by any means. The robots and other police officers will be guarding you and your house. So, do not try to escape.” The President said. This was the last and the worst thing he had expected to happen.
End of chapter
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hey Forever!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I like the vagueness with which you deliver your chapters. There is really no way to know what exactly is happening before you shock us with some revelation and then bid us goodbye. It is good technique, and it also keeps the readers hooked, so good job.
However, it would have been better if you had used a little more details along the way. Especially since they are in a meeting right now, and there are several other people there. I feel like we still don't know Mr. Quirk, although he is the main character here. Maybe explore a little of his personality, or even the situation that he is in. All this seems to be just happening by while he sits there and listens.
I am a little curios though. When they said the country was in attack, I assumed they were under physical attack. But here it seems like the people are dying due to some internal reason, and of course everyone claims that Mr. Quirk has some hand in that. Maybe he invented something that is being used by other people? Everyone is accusing him, but the President seems to be silently stay by his side. I am not really sure about that.
Also, work on the setting a bit? There seems to have been a time jump from the last chapter as they were under attack at that point of time (whatever form of an attack it was), but now they seem to be measuring the casualties. It was a bit sudden coming from the previous chapter, but I feel if you work on the setting a bit then the transition would be smoother.
That is all. Keep writing and have a great day!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this is certainly getting more intriguing with each passing chapter here...and well, things go a bit downhill here for Mr. Quirk...hopefully he can find his way out of that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well that was a quick report there...things immediately escalating into theories already...and well, while this promises to be quite exciting, this is starting to sound a tiny bit rushed here with how quickly we have people running to conclusions.
Okay...so he doesn't believe the report or he thinks there's something even more sinister involved...at any rate I continue to like Mr. Quirk here, he seems like a pretty knowledgeable character here and seems to be handling the news of people in the area dying of mysterious causes quite well.
Hmm, well this is certainly spicing things up quite a bit here...its all quite mysterious so far with what's going on...and I do like how they tested the bodies of the victims through more than one place. I don't quite know how the timing works out though..cause it looks like these victims must have died quite a while ago if multiple agencies have had time to properly test the bodies.
Well that's not a good sign, it looks like there's something that Mr. Quirk came up with at some point that's somehow killing people without leaving a trace...and its somehow fallen into the wrong hands there...this is probably not going to end well for Mr. Quirk there.
Bloke doesn't exactly seem to a particularly strong word there, so that's an interesting choice of words but otherwise it looks like he's getting accused of giving this invention to the enemies and someone quite important to the government is a victim of it which means things are probably not going to go well for Mr. Quirk from here.
Well he certainly seems a bit shocked to be accused of something like that so I'm assuming he probably didn't actually help the enemies but is being falsely accused here...although I doubt any protest by him is going to do much in a situation like this.
Hmm....I was expecting something a bit worse than house arrest to happen to him considering this is a pretty widespread thing....but okay...it looks like he's still going to be treated as someone who helped the enemy...I do hope he at least attempts to explain what's going on though...at any rate, another cliffhanger of sorts here...and it looks like this could be headed in a pretty intriguing direction here....so I just might read more should you post it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, another interesting chapter...once again the pacing is a bit too much on the fast side, but then I don't mind that too much...the plot itself seems quite interesting.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I agree. Things really seem a bit too rushed. I have got to work on that. Thanks a lot for the review!
You're Welcome!!
Hi ForeverYoung299,
Mailice here with a short review!
The plot is already developing very quickly and also gives the reader the necessary balance for the questions he asked himself in the last chapter. I find it interesting how you raise new questions and answer old ones in this chapter. I just found the chapter a bit too short and think it wouldn't have been wrong to include it in the last part.
However, I would also say that the plot develops a little too quickly. This is not because of the timely release of the chapters, but I think more because of the POV the reader has. I suppose when you write you have everything in mind, how everything looks, the area smells, the characters look, etc... The reader misses that unfortunately and I think you could develop the chapters further by including such foundations. At the moment, the chapters are short, precisely because the plot continues without the reader seeing where everything is happening. Think of it like a house, but the foundations, the walls, the pipes, the roof, the windows, everything is invisible and you only see the furniture like the beds, the carpet, pictures, etc... It doesn't have a construct for the reader to hold on to anywhere and currently these characters are also moving around in this space. I would try to put in more things like thoughts from Mr. Quirk, maybe a nervous shaking of the president's hands, or just how everything looks. Are they underground with no windows. Is there maybe a light flickering? Or are they somewhere on a floor with the window open where you can hear people complaining from outside, or a breeze comes in and makes the potted plants move?
At the moment you have developed an interesting story, but as I said, the construct is still missing around it. You have managed to create dynamics and tension, but at the moment it seems more like a play than a novel.
Other points I noticed while reading:
Here I would have expanded a little more, as it is very plot heavy that the story is continued, by means of a telephone. Perhaps the insertion of a brief note from Mr. Quirk, who was a bit second-bench in this chapter?
In general I find the dialogues very short. You can connect some sentences to give some characters a unique voice. Otherwise, they all read like they're a clone.
Since it is the President speaking in the previous sentence, I would replace the "he" here with Mr. Quirk, since it is he who is being referred to. Otherwise, one can assume it would come from the President, which makes little sense.
In summary, it was an expandable chapter. You create suspense and questions, but need to work a bit on the environment to have it portrayed.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thanks a lot for this. I will surely work on the environment building and also the dialogues. Again, thanks a lot for this