As the days passed by, the love between Marldon and Freznel was growing more and more deep.
One day, Freznel was sitting still, in her cabin. From the window of his cabin, Marldon saw her motionless body staring blankly at the mahogany wood of the table. He went in Freznel's cabin.
Moving his fingers in front of Freznel's eyes, he said, "Freznel..."
Freznel abruptly woke up from the deep thoughts.
"Yes, Marldon..."
" Where were your eyes lost? "
Her eyes twinkled because of the tears which started to take birth in her eyes.
" Sir--- I mean, Marldon, I was just thinking about my family. I was lost the memories for them.", she said with a limp in her throat.
Marldon went close and hugged Freznel dearly, trying to console her grieving soul. He didn't utter a single word. But his hug worked like a magic. Freznel soon forgot about the loss, return back to normal. A hug is so powerful. They were now in physical relationship, only physical relationship.
At home, Freznel opened her facebook profile. She was getting bored, so she worked on changing her D.P. She saw a friend request. The photo was of a man. The french beard on his chocolate-silk coloured cheeks, and the slight roughness of his skin told that he was about 20. He seemed simple from face.
Freznel thought, and thought... Should I accept this request? Or should I reject... She remebered the safety tips which she read in the newspaper only recently:
Umm... I should not accept it. But he looks harmless.... She frowned as she thought this. Freznel accpeted his friend request as she thought that he was harmless.
Erwin Flem was his name. Freznel and Erwin had become good facebook friends. They would often chat and send messages. They also liked and replied each other's posts.
One day Erwin and Freznel were chatting:
Let's see what happened in the Chocolate n Nut coffee house in the next chapter.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi again! This will be my tenth review to become a knight of the green room! Woop!
This was certainly an interesting chapter! I'm actually really concerned for Freznel; I think this guy is going to be ANYTHING but harmless!
Speaking of him, I love the chat bubbles. They're amazing and add as cuteness to the story - you know, just that extra little oomf! This chapter was really exciting and definitely sets up the context for the next chapter, which I am very thrilled about. I can't wait to get to know more about this certain Erwin guy.
The part where Freznel decides to accept the guy or not was a bit.. hm, weird? I'm not sure what I would call it. It just doesn't seem very realistic. I'm not sure how old Freznel is, but she has a job, which would make it seem like she's responsible enough and wouldn't have to resort to a newspaper article about Facebook friends. I feel like it was also used as a bit of foreshadowing and to tell the readers ALERT ALERT ERWIN IS A BAD GUY, and in that case it does feel a little much. Foreshadowing should be sneaky and very subtle, but this feels a bit more prominent.
That's about all I have to say for this chapter! I like how Freznel and Marldon's relationship is expanding farther and I wonder how Erwin will affect this.
Keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Thank you so much, EternalRain!!
The chat bubbles were amazing and if you possible can tell me how you made them, I would be gladful. Anyways, I only have several complains. Overall, I really adore this part even if it is not my favourite. I feel like that that stranger Erwin may fall for her. I hope nothing bad happens.
'..lost in their memories' is not right, to be honest.
'I was lost into the memories for them' is the correct one.
'became normal' can be replaced to 'return back to normal'.
It just sounds a lot better. And I am 98% sure you need to replace it.
They are having physical relationship, not in physical relations.
Overall, good job. And keep on improving.
Thaks a lot. You have helped me to improve much.
Well, I opened the Microsoft Powerpoint and drew those callouts with the message in it. Then right clicked on it and hit the "Save as picture" option. The callouts got saved in the form of images on the desktop. I then clicked the "insert image option" in the publising centre. Over! Dragged the picture from the desktop, and resized it here.
Thanks for the review!
welcome XD