Freznel went to the offfice daily and punctually. She sketched a rough outline of gorgeous models. She was desperate to complete the task. She did not want her first impression to go wrong. There was a glass window to the left of Freznel's working desk. Marldon could directly see how Freznel worked on the mahogany desk. He could see her eyes insan-ishly lost in the work. She did every sketch by heart. One after one, she filled the blank sheets with clothes designed with fine art work. Marldon McCarty was deeply impressed by Freznel's devotion.
There were superb ladies in one piece clothes. She filled the dresses with various colour combinations--- aqua blue coloured with small white florets; grass green coloured with beautful stones drawn with markers. She took pains, because she knew the 10 lettered golden rule, TGRWHTTPIT... To get a rose, we have to take the pains of it's thorns.
Each night, Freznel slept on the bed with her ailing shoulders, wailing nerves, screaming spinal chord, and fatigued hazel eyes which did not lose their shine, though tired so much. She felt the loss of her mother's tender arms when she slept with her tired body parts.
Again waking up hurriedly at the squeaking alarm, she would be ready to absorb all the day's affliction on her body. Just as a gardener costs his sweat to grow a beautiful flower, she costed her energy to complete her sketchbook--- the task.
Freznel would not even notice that Marldon was gazing at her every reflex move. Her fingers reflexly moved throughout the paper making fine dots somewhere, and filling some blank spaces with broad flowers filled with designs, untill one day she finished her sketchbook and was ready with her collection of one piece clothes, designed in 20 different style, with 20 different designs, and 20 different colour combination without even one pattern repeating twice.
Mr. Mitsubishi Kennicha came in her cabin exactly after 7 days she was given the task. 7 days was her deadline. Just behind him, Marldon stepped in.
Kenicha brought a terror-full atmosphere with him. Freznel felt the same wobbly feeling in her stomach which brought trepidations to her, when she saw Mr. Kenicha.
But she relaxed when Kenicha said, " Miss Feznel! You are doing great! Keep up the good work. "
Freznel thanked him, smiling broadly. Marldon completely died at that moment, when he saw her broad smile. Freznel caught him, and felt like hiding her face behind her fair palms, but she kept control in front of Mitsubishi. A rosy complexioned, handsome, young man, and that too a manager like him giving a dieing expressions like that, would make any girl shy and blush that way.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
sooo, it feel like forever since I read this.....I gotta get better at time management man....lol but real talk, you know I love this story, so I do not have to tell you that....you are a good writer but you should already know that......so what can I tell you? Well for starters I think it's cute these two are awkwardly flirting with each other. Side not it's also creepy he watches her everyday if you ask me but hey that's just my feels on this. The story is very captitavting though and I love frizzes compassion for what she does. Overall this gets my stamp of approval.
Hiiii!^o^
Let's start with nitpicks-
I'm a bit confused - what pains is she taking? :O
Ooh I love this line! However, I feel as though "hazel eyes" is a bit repetitive (maybe because I just read chapter 4 prior to this). Perhaps "light mocha" or something?
*reflexively
and maybe instead of somewhere it could be anywhere? That sounds a bit better.
It's more "formal" in writing that you spell out numbers, so instead of 20 it would be twenty. However, if you don't want to write that like, it's totally okay.
Hmm, the same as what? Also, I think this comma can be deleted!^-^
Aw!! So cute!<3
*dying
I loved this chapter! We really get a feel for Freznel's loyalty to this company and how much she loves her job. That shows something remarkable about her character.
I was just a bit confused as to who Kenicha was. Maybe he was mentioned in chapters 1-3, but I still think a bit more background and character development about him would be nice. What other than his "terror-full atmosphere" makes Freznel so scared of him? Her legs are wobbly so she must be scared of something!
I think that's all I have for this chapter.
~ EternalRain
Thank you for the review!
Hello,there!
Saw that I have the chance to check this following part to so came to do that right away!
I felt that her manager was jealous when she smiled not at him, but the boss of theirs. Maybe a triangle love romance will happen? Who knows. Anyways, I will only point out one or two things that I think can be changed about this work. I think you need to keep on working, improving and writing in this beautiful style. I see how the main character starts to get used to the area of her office and her work by itself and she slowly tries to get used to the business.
I know what you mean there but after the comma you need to start with a small letter.
'It's Thorns' needs to be 'its thorns'.
You can say 'at night' if you meant that specific night but only one night. So like here it is something happening more than once. It needs to be 'each night' and without the 'at'.
That is all for this part. Good job. Sorry for the very short review but I have no other complains.