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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Terrible Youth of Freznel: 4

by Eros


Chapter 4 : Freznel's first day at work...

The sun finally rose, waking up Freznel with great excitement. After all it was her first day at work and she didn't wanted to be late, obviously. She took out the red, Japanese styled, long dress which she had already washed and ironed the day before. She quickly slipped in it, and looked at her charming figure on which the dress suited perfectly. She left her hair open with only two thin layers of hair braided and clutched behind. It gave a descent look to her pretty face with no layer of hair hiding her eyes.

She put on a light make up. Faint glossy pink lipstick made her lips look even more softer. When she smiled, the deep purple blush applied lightly on her fair cheeks, made her natural blush even more clearly visible. 

The clock struck 7. She left for the office after she took she took her blessings from God and her late family. 

In the office, she was warmly welcomed by the staff. Marldon first took her to have a meeting with their main boss, Mr. Mitsubishi Kenicha. Freznel was afraid when she saw Mitsubishi's frightening, dark complexioned face with abnormally big eyes. His habit of raising his thick eyebrows frequently while talking, made her even more horror struck.  

Marldon showed her the way to her cabin. Freznel cut the red ribbon which matched with her dress. Everyone present there apploused as she did that. She felt purely happy from the inner core of her heart. 

She opened the cabin door, and was struck by amazement as she ran her eyes accross the clean cabin. The stripped curtains which veiled the window were awesome. In the front-most part of the room, were two cozy sofas set face to face. There was a large rectangular glass table in between. This whole set up was made so that she could have discussion, and show her sketches and the dresses to the manager, and also the main boss of the office. She stood there with boundless happiness overflowing from her eyes. 

Both Marldon and Freznel entered the cabin and sat face to face on the sofas.

"Miss Hazel... I mean-- Miss Freznel..." Marldon corrected himself, coming out of Freznel's hazel eyes. Freznel blushed heavily as Marldon corrected himself." Your first task is to make a sketchbook of a collection of unique designed, modern fashionable one piece clothes in ladies wear. This is the order from our main boss, Mr. Mitsubishi Kenicha. "

Her stomach got wobbly when she heard Mitsubishi's name. Marldon kept on talking to Freznel about the task and the tips to work on it. The motivating words which escaped his lips kept the candle of Freznel's interest to hear him, burning continuously, without flickering. She listened to Marldon carefully. Freznel's hazel eyes met Marldon's blue eyes quite oftenly, leading Freznel to blush involutarily. She liked to be in Marldon's presence. Same was with Marldon too. They started to feel free with each other. 

Since it was her very first day, she was allowed to leave home early. But she was told that that she would have to stay till 4 p.m. from the next day.

At home, she washed her make up. She looked in the mirror, as she tied her hair into a wan. She looked at her eyes, and remembered Marldon. She blushed again, when she recapitulated, how he corrected himself. " Miss Hazel... that's a nice name " she murmered in a low voice.

There, Marldon too remebered how he corrected himself and tried to come out of the hazel eyes of Freznel, which tended to pull him back in their depth. Both were in a great liking with each other.


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104 Reviews


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Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:19 pm
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Holiday30 wrote a review...



Awe <3 <3 <3

Lol, this Chapter was cute. It almost made not want to continue to read it, because I know something terrible is gonna happen to Freznel. But please do not take my comment in the wrong way darling cause I do enjoy reading this wonderful story. It's just now I have grown attached to Freznel, and I do not want to see her get hurt.....:( :(

Now that personal feelings are out the way, let me review, So this chapter had a few more grammatical issues than your other chapters I had to review, so I felt the need to point that out. It was just a few so don't worry about it, once you fix those you should be back on course

The problem I seen
paragraph 3 sentence 2: I don't know if you notice but that entire sentence was mistype, and I do not know if you did that on purpose or not.

That's it for now, I do love this story, and the characters in it going to continue my readings,
Reviewed by the friendly reviewer Kwanza T. Taylor




Eros says...


Oh! Thank you so much for your sweet review... Lol I accept that my grammar is not good. I will try to improve upon it. Thanks again because the review helped me.



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Sun May 01, 2016 5:51 pm
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hey again, Eros! Another review brought to you by the Reviewing Ravens!~

I must say, I enjoyed this chapter a lot more than the last! I felt that the description and imagery was much more thoroughly composed, and I had a better understanding of the general looks of people and their feelings and thoughts.

Speaking of feelings -- I love this relationship between Marldon (who I don't actually know too well -- does he work there? Even if it was presented in earlier chapters, it may be a good idea to just point out who he is) and Freznel. However, I think it's developing a wee bit too fast. Generally, it can take people a while to ease up to others and get comfortable with them. And even gaining a crush on someone takes a bit of time (though I suppose it can range from different time periods from different people). I don't know, here it just seems a bit too good to be true, if you get what I'm saying! ^-^

I love the simple lifestyle of Freznel. She seems fairly relatable and I like her as a character so far (though I don't know much about her).

The motivating words which escaped his lips kept the candle of Freznel's interest to hear him, burning continuously, without flickering.


This was an AMAZING line! I really loved this so so much. The metaphor here was truly extraordinary.

Overall, lovely work! This was a very well-written chapter! (:

~ EternalRain




Eros says...


Thank you sooo very much!! :D



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Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:33 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



King Here

Oh, great, they finally start to flirt! XD
Anyways, this was a very amazing part as every other. Of course, I will try to see the other ones too. Only few corrections below and this is all for this part. Keep on writing.



Afterall it was her first day at work and she didn't wanted to be late, obviously.


'Afterall' needs to be 'after all'.

The clock struck 7. She left for the office after she took she took blessings from God and her late family.


'She left for the office after she took her blessings...' is the correct one.

Marldon first took her to have a meet with their main boss, Mr. Mitsubishi Kenicha.


'Meet' needs to be 'meeting'.

She opened the cabin door, and was struck by amazement as she ran her eyes accross the clean cabin.


You do not need the comma there.

"Miss Hazel... I mean-- Miss Freznel..." Marldon corrected himself, coming out of Freznel's hazel eyes.


This was so adorable. XD
But still he can not come out of her eyes. He can stop looking at them.

Same was with Marldon too.


Comma before 'too'.




Eros says...


Thank you again! :D



Elijah says...


Welcome welcome.




If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb