Young Writers Society

Text Version:

i finally opened the picture album you gifted me when i was three.
when i was innocent; when i only knew the world in shades of pink and blue.
the first photo is of you,
with that bright red hair, like flames under the sun.
it framed your face beautifully—
accentuated those high cheekbones and full lips that you passed onto me.
your eyes were the deepest green, wide and laughing, crinkling at the corners
as you squinted into the flash.

at first glance, nobody would know that
when this picture was taken, you were lost. lost in your own little world,
controlled by demons that held your soul in their grasp. your mind was
corrupted by the very thing that created me.
when i was old enough to understand, my sisters told me
you were "sick," that love alone couldn’t save you,
that you were stuck somewhere and i couldn’t follow.
but all I remember are the whispers and stares,
the pity in strangers' eyes when they said your name.

i had to close the photo album.
because with every reminder of you,
i feel the sharp edge of a love that almost was.

This is a beautiful poem. The way you described the photo of who I'm guessing is the mother, the use of language in the second stanza to create an almost eerie setting, and the short and simple last stanza makes this poem feel perfect. The use of the word "sick" in the second stanza feels perfect because it could have several meanings based on the surrounding context. Though, I feel like you could make the last stanza a bit longer to go with the other two stanzas. Other than that, I feel like it is an amazing poem that uses language and descriptive words perfectly.

Hey Ley!! I loved this poem of yours so much </3

One thing that I really loved about this is how narrative it felt. You tell the story of how you open this picture album that was gifted to you by your mother. I love how you talk about being a child and how, at that time, you were so innocent, and maybe we're not so aware of all of the darkness that was also existing in this situation. I think you did such a good job at describing your mother, her beautiful features, but also how they were passed on to you and how you are able to recognize that in yourself now. I think you did such a good job at showing this growth that you have had within yourself from a child to an adult who is now, conscious and aware of everything. Once we get to the second part of the poem, it gets a lot deeper.

controlled by demons that held your soul in their grasp. your mind was
corrupted by the very thing that created me.
when i was old enough to understand, my sisters told me
you were "sick," that love alone couldn’t save you,
that you were stuck somewhere and i couldn’t follow.

It was awesome, especially when you defined what the girl's father looked ked like. Each example was right on the point. But I didn't quite understand the last paragraph where you talked about demons but it was definitely good. And the last paragraph where the girl closes the album tells us about her misery. The pain you painted through this paragraph was amazing.