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Feminist Thoughts

by DrFeelGood


When the pain is sharper than ever.

The blood is darker than ever.

When your our period is insufferable.

I will be there. There for with you.

***

The meaning of NO I understand.

The definition of boundaries and limits.

You, my dear are a companion.

Not a diamond necklace to exhibit.

***

Ruggedly masculine I never was,

Neither a multi tasking genius,

They accepted me the way I was.

A privilege; I realize.

***

When your body is termed figure,

Your promotion; a crude joke.

Your success; a trashy gossip.

I will be there. To understand you.

***

Fiercely, I'll stand with you,

Because inequality exists. 

Because sexism ain't dead. 

But denial is real


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Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:36 pm
emma1045 says...



Wow! I love this! And...GO FEMINISM!!! I'm not an extreme feminist but yes, I am a feminist and a proud one too!

Keep up the great work!!

-Emma




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Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:42 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



An interesting poem Doctor!

Sorry that it took me a while to get here. I was saving it for Review Day. I'm going to review it apart from the content/message and focus on the form, then I'll make some comments on the message.

Form

Punctuation and Formatting
I didn't mind the somewhat irregular punctuation choices in the poem (namely the extra periods and commas, some in grammatically unneeded places) because you stayed consistent in their use and tended to keep them at ends of lines or after more biting statements. One really good use of the extra punctuation mark was in this line "I will be there. To understand you." -- the extra period isn't grammatically needed, but it fits the statement and drives home the point and the tone. And in poetry really at the end of the day punctuation is more about consistency than grammar, so new issues there.

The crossed out and extra bolded and italics lines were a bit gimicky for me. I think the crossed out lines might have worked better if you had done that technique more than once in the piece. When a technique like that happens once, it's like having one blue word amidst a poem of normally colored text. It doesn't even really matter what the text is saying anymore, the reader's attention becomes fixated on the odd formatting and then wonders if it's random or secondary. Whereas if the technique is used more than once, then suddenly it has purpose and becomes more ordinary and expected. For the bolded and italics lines I would do one or the other, either have both bold, or both italicized for the same reasons as above.

Flow

The flow of the poem was good throughout and the line lengths were all kept very consistent. There was some repetition of beginning words like "your" and "because" and "the" which made the language and word choice seem a bit simplified because the words were repeating, although I did like the consonance effect of that, and think it might be a good idea to incorporate even more into the piece.

Wording
Just a few nit-picky wording comments here:
"Your success; a trashy gossip." -- I don't think the article "a" is needed here.

The logic of these two lines doesn't quite work
"When the pain is sharper than ever.
The blood is darker than ever."
It's written like a cause and effect clause (ie. when x, then y) but just because there's more pain, doesn't mean the blood is darker, so I think what you actually mean is "When the pain is sharper than ever. And when the blood is darker than ever." -- This issue is sort of caused by the punctuation making both lines incomplete sentences, but I think if you added the word "And" it would fix the cause and effect mis-logic that is currently happening.

Argumentation and Message
So in a poem like this, it can't be entirely judged on the poetic devices and form, but on the validity of the argument as well. I have to say for a short poem, you were able to say quite a bit. I commend you for tackling a piece like this, sometimes people are worried about saying something about topics that are really important because they're worried they aren't saying enough and it's true that one poem can't change all of sexism, but it's the fact that something is being said -- that engages in that first step. And language is undeniably powerful.

The main message I take away from this poem is that the speaker wants to make it clear that they respect the woman that they love for who they are and that they have some understanding of the issues that they deal with as a woman. They want to respect boundaries and personhood, and they want their lady to know that she is valued. In the last stanza they say that they will stand with them and not deny the existence of sexism. These aren't topics that normally get explored in a love poem, so again I like what you're trying to tackle here.

There are a few issues that you may want to consider in the argumentation aspect of the poem. (And these I admit I'm drawing more from personal opinion, so I'm just presenting these as two considerations you might make.)

1. Why does the speaker love the subject? This poem presents itself as a love poem, but we never here why the speaker actually loves the subject. In fact if we just take the sentence in the last stanza --- it says basically "I will stand with you/or I love you/ because sexism exists" -- now the existence of sexism is a good reason to stand and support every woman (and actually every man, non-binary person, and child too) but it doesn't exactly tell us why this speaker is standing with this particular woman. Unless the woman is just a symbol for every other woman that exists (which is problematic in itself to take one woman and pretend she is every woman). This doesn't necessarily take away from your overall argument, but I think it would add to the argument if the speaker could give some concrete reasons on why that particular woman is valuable beyond her body (ie. her personality, her mind, her wit, her humor, her compassion, or all of the above). Giving this detail would also go a long way in allowing readers to connect to the story of the poem, and read it not just as a political statement but as truly a powerful statement, call-to-action, and a love letter.

2. The idea that this guy is going to take on the woman's period is sort of strange to me. Like, interesting thought, but ... I'm not sure how that works? And I think it might actually be more powerful to say, I can't take on your pain, I can't fully understand everything you go through as a woman, but I am willing to learn more and stand beside you as we navigate it together. Does that make sense? Like just having a man, doesn't dismiss the pain of periods or the oppression of patriarchy (in fact it'd be a patriarchal statement to say that men can take away all of women's problems) but that doesn't mean that men are useless! Or that they can't help in the struggle for equality. I hope that makes sense .

Here are some really positive aspects of your argumentation, that I appreciated as a reader and as a woman I guess.

1. I like that you said in the end the stand "with" the woman. Rather than making it a fight or an opportunity to "dominate" the simple of act of standing together, to stand with is a powerful feminist ideal. So good job working that into your piece in several places. Good language choice.

2. The metaphor of the diamond necklace was really good - too often poetry objectifies women (and sometimes men too!) by using pretty metaphors to describe relationships. Ultimately, those can be really harmful, so I like that you made the language clear in this piece and broke down that metaphor to show why it's wrong. Nice job.


Closing
Overall, this was a nice piece to read, and I respect the sentiment expressed as well. I'm glad you decided to tackle a piece like this, and hope that you do more similar argumentative poems in the future.

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions about my review of course!

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DrFeelGood says...


Thanks a lot for another insightful answer!

I really appreciate your suggestion to highlight individual aspects of the relationship. This was indeed meant to be more of a political statement, but it can surely go a long way by actually giving it a personality. I surely consider that for my future works.

I have to clarify about the 'period' thing though. It's not like the guy can take her period, but unlike many folks who consider it a taboo, this guy doesn't just acknowledge how natural it is, he goes a step further and says this is something fundamental to existence so he won't be there 'for' her, but 'with' her. He is very clear and frank about it. This is one of the reasons this poem literally jumps into this topic right of the bat. A topic many men tend to avoid.

In conclusion, thank you for your poignant critique. It has been really helpful.

Regards!



alliyah says...


You're welcome! Ah, I see - that clarification helps for the opening I'd have to agree it was an attention-getting way to enter the topic, so definitely did its job in that aspect!



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Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:06 am
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anoushkasutton wrote a review...



Great poem with a powerful message.
I love how you don't sugar coat the pain and issues that comes with sexism and that you address the problems that some women have to face daily.
The line "not a diamond necklace to exhibit" is great and reflects the objectification of girls.
The writing is strong and inspirational and I really like it.

Thanks for posting.




DrFeelGood says...


Thank you!



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Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:35 pm
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Sveta says...



It was pleasure reading through the lines.Also,It gave me a great sense of a male understanding a female.




DrFeelGood says...


Thank you for the kind words.



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Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:21 pm
Ashley602338 wrote a review...



Hmm. My feelings about this poem. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Im not a feminist but im not not a feminist im neutral I guess, but this peom definitely made me rethink my thoughts on feminist and being one. When I first read this I noticed something strange, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this poem. It’s deep, meaningful and if you compare it to today it is very relevant so bravo. Keep writing and keep being perfect! Cheers.




DrFeelGood says...


Thank you for the kind words. It's great to know that this poem made you rethink about your stand on feminism!



Ashley602338 says...


Yep it definitely did! :)
~Cheers11



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Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:14 pm
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RadhikaD says...



Enjoyed reading ...I usually write poems on feminism and I find this quite interesting.. "denial is real " so true




DrFeelGood says...


Thank you!



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Mon Jan 22, 2018 12:34 am
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020 :smt015

So, to start off this review the first thing I noticed is that, well, nothing! I noticed that nothing was wrong, from what I could tell. The flow was pretty good too.

Now, my thoughts on this poem. The meaning obvious. But my thoughts? Man, I dunno. I fully support feminisims, but then again, I am torn between being one and not. I don't want to be seen as some bitchy, crazy, woman that hates men. I don't hate or dislike men. I don't. I dunno. I am nuetral on the subject, I guess.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!




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Sun Jan 21, 2018 7:30 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poetic expression of profound loyalty for a person who is dearly beloved. I like the way that the poem outlines each circumstances and guarantees that the loyalty will never waver. Such a dedication is truly a very precious thing and sometimes can only be truly appreciated once it is gone. There are expressions which seem purposely vague in in which a mysterious :"they"is mentioned. Also the use of the word "was"indicates that there has been some change in the speaker's personality since the time he was evaluated by the ones referred to as "they".

Not sure whether this should be written in a second person singular. The reason is that it is hard to imagine a woman remaining calm and not feeling as if I am trying to indirectly nettle her if I addressed her that way.





Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi