12:00 AM: Book
Dozen chapters in a single night,
Can the hero complete this mission?
He looks armed with courage and conviction.
I hope he romances me all night!
***
2:00 AM: Coffee
His eyelids want to kiss each other,
But I am standing in their way.
Don’t you dare to sleep, O warrior!
The battle has not even started yet!
***
4:00 AM: Facebook
I am laughing at you, dear coffee.
You think staying awake is enough?
Hardly three chapters has he covered yet,
I have already started eating his night.
***
5:30 AM: Alarm Clock
I am crying my heart out.
Wake up, O dear Warrior!
It’s hardly few hours before the exam.
Please don’t snooze me off again!
***
6:30 AM: Highlighter
When things go wrong, I am here.
Why fear, when you can highlight everywhere!
The entire book is now yellow and green.
He’s senselessly underlining even the copyright info.
***
7:58 AM: Hero- to his Book
Two minutes left for the three-hour battle.
Wish we had spent more time with each other.
My watered down romance with you for sure,
Will prove to be the Waterloo of my life today!
***
10:59 AM: Answer Sheet
Last second scribbling drives me nuts.
I know you're righting some insane fluff!
I thought you’d be the hero of this test.
But in reality, you were the sidekick’s friend!
***
12:00 PM: Mattress
Tired, bruised, scarred he arrives back home,
The three-hour battle sucked his energy up.
Don’t you worry, O Hero, I am there for you now!
Doze off for hours, there’s no one bothering now!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I'll be reading this once before my exam in 4 days I'm sure!
Will you be deploying it, is the real question
Hello DrFeelGood!
Sec1218 here to review.
First off, I loved the structure of this poem! It is awesome! I also liked some of the metaphors and imagery you used such as: "His eyelids want to kiss eachother" and "watered down". I can also relate, which is a really good thing to be able to do in poetry. I also enjoyed how you did it in different times. Lastly, I liked how you refferred to the person taking the exam as a warrior, because, it's totally true! I feel like I'm fighting a battle when I'm studying for an exam.
I didn't understand the part where you wrote, "I know you're righting some insane fluff". Is that a pun? I also was confused from what point of view the poem was from. I feel as if you switched off from first person to third person to second person.
Overall, I enjoyed reading it and loved how relatable it was. Also it was formatted fantastically, and had great imagery and metaphors!
Keep up the great work!
~Sec1218
Thanks for the review. The part that confused you was meant to confuse the reader (the intention was to make the reader get into the shoes of the protagonist who's in similar situation. Also i deliberately misspelled a word to show how the protagonist is actually writing his paper).
I love this poem. It is very accurate and I am sure everyone can relate. I loved the way you used the "eyelids kissing each other" metaphors in the second stanza. I could never come up with such an awesome one myself lol. Great job overall.
Thank! I am glad you like it.
Hey DrFeelGood!!
This is Eros here to review this beautiful satirical poem!!
My heart is screaming, "WWWwooooooowwwwWW!!" It was a wonderful poem, really. The theme was too good. I loved this piece. I like the presentation of this poem too.
I like all the stanzas. They were really beautiful. It deserves appreciation. I like the way you have expressed the views of all the elements, Book, coffee, Facebook, Alarm Clock, Highlighter and the mattress. It was a really great work.
I am left speechless.
AWESOME work!
SUPERB work!
GREAT work!
Keep writing...
Because we all love to keep reding such awesoe works.
Have a great day/ night!
Hey! These folks did a great job reviewing. I just wanted to add how relatable this poem is to college students. As a matter of fact I have finals this week. I read the whole poem with a bit of laughter thinking about how true this it. I just thank you for writing this truly! It was such an encouragement. I feel like hey, I can do this.
I just wanted to start off by saying I did enjoy reading this. Although I have no clear understanding what this is like (only studying for tests >.<), I feel the emotion of this poem. The topic is one I'm sure people can relate to, even at my age.
This line--
--is definitely one people can relate to because the dreaded alarm clock is just---erg no. I, personally, am not a morning person and I dread waking up to the sound of my alarm for school.
I did enjoy the language used in this as well. Clever, you are.
I really don't have much to say because this piece is well written in it's entirety anyway. Just keep up the good work and continue writing.
Since I loved this piece, I shall follow you because I like your cleverness. Well done.
Hello, there, young writer. This is Margo Seuss for a review. Exams are tedious and full of trickery and deceit. Studying for them can often feel like a losing battle.
How very appropriate.I like how you used personification for each item. Some favourites:
Alarm Clock:
Highlighter: Haha. Something tells me this guy isn't the best of students.
I like how facebook was depicted as sort of an enemy. How appropriate as the student's quest is to study for his exam so he can conquer it with valor. Facebook is something that distracts students from studying. Netflix would have been a good one as well. This idea is superb--a unique spin on the struggles of a student studying for an exam.
I have a few tips for improvement. You could work on the wording of this to make it that much more entertaining. Take out some words, add some words...that whole editing process.
For example, for your first stanza you could go a little heavier on the romance and start with: 'I love when the fingers of a warrior stroke my pages.' And then go on like that.
For the last stanza try something like: 'Tired, bruised, and scarred, he returns to me. This three-hour battle has consumed his energy. Worry not, Oh Warrior, I am here for you now. Doze upon my ample foam, and do not think about your grade.'
Just a few suggestions on ways you can increase the flow and overall strength of the poem. Great job and remember: a good work is never done.
--MS
Haha! Thanks. You're one satirist I admire a lot. Your review was really helpful.
Guardian here!
This is, quite frankly, clever poetry. Every high schooler and college student can directly relate to this. That is a sign of successful poetry; so hats off to you!
I hate correcting poetry, as it is more of an art than story-writing is. We all know that no one can correct the art of an artist-- or in this case, the poetry of a poet.
Here are the areas where you have succeeded:
- Relating to the audience... In this case, teens (for the most part)
- Setting up a great story that weaves perfectly into your poem
- Sectioning the poem... Putting the story into separate sections was quite a clever move. It allows the poem's plot to progress in a linear fashion.
I loved the way you compared the student to a warrior. Genius!
Keep up the awesome work and never give up!
-Guardian