Young Writers Society

Hello there, DrFeelGood! Thanks for replying to my thread by the way! CaptainSaltWater here with a review for you!

First off, I really like it! A couple things I realized in it. You spelled skeptical wrong. You spelled it "sceptical." Also, on the fourth line, did you mean fellar, becuase seller and feller rhyme, but seller and filler don't. Finally, on pretty much all of the lines, you started each with a capital letter. Here is an example.

Being DrFeelGood isn’t easy,
Isn’t this world a bit too cheesy?

In that part, you started a sentence on the top line, and then you ended it with a comma, and then on the next line, you capitalized the first letter. That is really all I have to say. Otherwise, great job! I really like the rhyme scheme and the formatting is amazing. I would LOVE to see more of you works. Don't give up and always write, DrFeelGood!

-CaptainSaltWater

Salutations, and happy horrible Review Day!

I have seen that you have resumed your activity on YWS - yay! As soon as I read your work, I knew you had a passion for writing, and no-one as passionate as you can stay away from writing for too long.

So, you are telling us your story, eh? Well, then, I shall read it with the utmost attention. And, short as it is, I think it defines you perfectly!

For those who have not yet been acquainted with your work, this poem may seem a little too disorganised, but, as I have said, I cannot find any fault.

Being DrFeelGood isn’t easy,
Isn’t this world a bit too cheesy?

Despair gets the acclaim, romance is the seller
Poor frothy feel-good remains the literary filler!

Sceptical are the critics, doubtful is the reader
Why the hell should I buy a superficial brain feeder?

His ideas seem clichéd, his plot isn’t real,
This moral story of yours is full of ideal!

Devoid of sex, without any gore
Your story might turn into a big fat bore

Patiently he hears the cynical shout,
Wiping his tears he continues to sprout

Toiling hard he polishes his craft
Manages to pen down a thunderous draft

Making you laugh and moving you to tears,
His emotional roller-coaster will be remembered for years!

Re-defining entertainment he stands tall today
Following his heart, he’s a star all the way!

Hello, love! Aurora here with a quick review day review for you!
Happy October 2014 Review Day!

Okay. Let's get down to business.


Patiently he hears the cynical shout,
Wiping his tears he continues to sprout
All of your couplets before this have made sense. ALL OF THEM! So why does this one make no sense whatsoever? People don't sprout as a general rule of thumb, love. If you're talking in figurative language, a) I still have no idea what that means, and b) the rest of your couplets are pretty straightforward. Don't change the style/tone/mood of the poem nearing the end. Furthermore, the couplets after it go back to being normal, too.

I know you said that your poem is disorganized, but I honestly could not tell. The rhythm/ rhyme scheme is all there, and if not perfect, it's perfectly workable for a poem.

I also liked how your poem tells a story, and I enjoyed reading it.

Re-defining entertainment he stands tall today
I know you weren't flowing the conventions of proper punctuation (few poets do), but inasmuch as you were, I believe you should have a comma after that line. Of course, it's entirely possible I'm completely mistaken, so if it feels wrong to you, ignore me here. It's only a suggestion, after.

I also liked the happy ending. One thing I think you could have had a bit more of in this poem was figurative language. Yes, it tells a great story, but even just describing more things- perhaps the gore?- would be great.

And rather than entertainment in your second to last line, choosing a different word might go better for the mood you've built up. Since it's a pretty straightforward poem- not much room for interpretation- I'd not make the last couplets interpretive. That's just odd and out of place. You build up the image of an author, but when you say entertainment, images of TV and movies pop into my head. Or concerts. Or singers.... or anything but books, basically. Using a word that connotates more.. bookness might be to your advantage.

Keep writing, love.
~Aurora

bravo!
i so enjoyed this! the classic, happy ending left me with a smile.
i just love lyric things, especially where the main character shows all the bad guys wrong.
well done.

Very Funny Poem, i just had a laugh of the day. Like the rythmes skems. Keep up the good Funny Poems. Patiently he hears the cynical shout,
Wiping his tears he continues to sprout. I like this one alot, but byeeee.! Now.

Brilliant, hilarious poem! Slightly short, but highly enjoyable.