A Unique Work

Hi,

Nicely done. Each stanza is in its place. Nothing is inappropriate. I loved this kind of work. Where poet knows what to write, where to write....I, myself learn a lot from good poets. You are a good poet. In your poetry I loved the formation. Your structure is good. You conveyed every thing with a feel. I respect that. This is a way to go.

I hope to see more good work in future.

This is great. The form allows for little room for critique, what with it being so ironic. It felt modern, and stupid, like on of those shitty paintings (hear me out) at an art gallery that is just a bunch of random colors thrown on a canvas. But not quite, because this feels like it really came from someplace. Genuine is a good word for it. I appreciate the "unpolished" feeling it emanates, though it's clear you worked hard on the piece.

One thing negative I could mention is that you break flow/rhyme more than once, which (for better or for worse) (likely "better" was the intention) gives it a sloppy, thrown together feel, which is obviously what you were going for, BUT, in my opinion, using the same trick many times not only negates from the shock factor you'll find with only using each trick once, but also seems to render some of the words you used less meaningful. Rhyming a word can give it impact, and doing the opposite will have the opposite effect. All in all, that's a writers choice.

in the line "It ain't always done fairly," It seemed like it would read better with the rest of the lines if you took out the one word "Always".

Another respectable piece by DrFeelGood. my point may have been unclear, (comparing this to a shitty painting) but I did really like the poem, quite a bit. I feel your intention with it, I'm positive. I'll definitely be reading some more DrFeelGood in the future. Stay you, my friend.

<3

Legacy here for a review.

I love the format of this poem, short lines and four lines per stanza. Like this poem is short and sweet, although I do wish it was longer.

The only negative thing I would really have to say is that the last stanza doesn't wrap up the poem. It just leaves me hanging. (I do love the last two lines although you could make it more personal to you by saying "I call it life" instead of "Others call it life")

I love the content, I haven't read a poem about something like this in the way you have written it.

That's all I got. (Ps your poem got me out of my reviewing slump of almost a month, congrats) Legacy.

Tis not a review but a comment. This will probably sound lame, but here goes....(oh dear). I think the poem was really short and sweet and for some reason I found it really cute! (there I said it!).

Hello! I have to say that I love this poem. Today when I signed in to young writers society I read the quote that was at the bottom of the page. I do not know if this is a coincidence but the quote by LSDR Geordi La Forge said;

No, it's not that you did not succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, do not concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you are saying it.

Idealistic vision I flaunt,

Ironically not so unique.