Young Writers Society

Hey Doss, just getting to read this now.

This is quite an emotional poem <3 If the poem is based on reality, I'm sorry if you're going through a rough time, and I do hope it gets better for you.

I interpret the poem to be about a speaker who is in an abusive relationship of some sort - they keep allowing this person (the subject) back into their life, but each time, the person doesn't improve and even though they say that they've changed, they soon reveal that they're the same person, and resort to the same abuse and unkindness. The speaker wants to let them back in, but they've also said that "this is the last time" so they come across as very conflicted.

Unfortunately I think a lot of people can relate to this sort of back and forth relationship, where it's unclear what's the best route to do next. The poem feels very vulnerable and honest, and a bit stream of consciousness like the reader is right in the mind of the speaker as they're deciding what they need to do next.

I think these are probablly my two favorite lines in the poem,

Its over now you cannot change the past

You cannot even change the future.

Hey there Doss! Tuck here for a short review Let's get right into it!

I wanted to start off by saying that I see a clear improvement from your previous poems that I've read and reviewed to this piece. I hope that's encouraging to you That's not to say that your other poems were bad, but that I can see that you've grown as a writer, grown in maturity, and grown as a person, and it's an honor to be part of that journey

There were a couple minor grammatical mistakes in here that aren't crucial to the wellbeing of this poem, but I'd definitely encourage you to read through again and see if you can fix those up. It helps your poem look more professional and more polished if you can eliminate those pesky grammar mistakes as best as you can. Here's an article you may find helpful about the difference between "your" and "you're". The Knowledge Base has a whole section dedicated to grammar, so definitely make use of that resource if you need additional help!

My favorite part of this poem was the way that your lines crescendoed in length towards the middle, as it picked up in intensity. It felt very deliberate and natural, and it helped lend itself to the feeling of emotions pouring out and tensions rising. It was spectacularly done, and I really enjoyed it.

Throughout the poems, the emotion was super present, and I want to offer you tons and tons of support if this is a personal poem <333. The rawness in this was incredible, and if you're ever struggling with anything, please reach out to me. I know what it's like to feel as if there's no one you can talk to, but having someone who's willing to talk to you and help you out is a huge booster to mental health. Please let me help you if you need help. You don't have to do this on your own <33.

One suggestion I have for you is to add some more imagery and similes. Currently, your poem is fairly general and lacks specificity, and I think adding some imagery would help to engage the reader's senses and bolster your poem. Similes and metaphors would do a similar thing and connect an abstract idea to a more concrete idea. There's some room for growth there, so definitely capitalize on that either in this poem or your next poem!

I hope these comments have been helpful to you, and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to me! And remember that you don't have to go through these things alone. Please reach out for me or someone else that you trust and let them help you through this hard time. I can't wait to read more from you! Happy RevMo!

~Tuck

Dear Dossereana,

This is a extremely good poem! If this is what you are going through right now, then I hope you get through it all. Anyway, I hope you know what I'm here for. A review! So, let us get started.

The second-to-last sentence was... confusing at first. Don't worry, everyone makes mistakes like this. Actually, not to long before I started to write this review, I was reading a draft of a poem I made really late at night, and there were plenty of mistakes like this. Sometimes, we know exactly what we want other people to read next, we forget to actually read it!

The line is "So now all that left to say is" Do you see it? The word "that" should either be "that is" or "that's." When I was typing this, I also noticed two other things. After "So" there should be a comma. Another thing I noticed is that there should be a semicolon after "is." In total, the sentence would be: "So, all that's left to say is;"

Something else similar to this is the third-to-last line, "You still fighting like you always do" Instead of this, you could say something like, "You're still fighting like you have"

In the previous sentence, "You're still fighting like you always have" You would use the same "you're" as in the sentence, "But your still the same person on the inside," if you used the correct your/you're. I am sorry, I sound like the Grammer Police! But, if you don't know already, your is for if you're talking about the person you're talking to's possession. For example, "Tom, does YOUR cat purr?" The other you're is a simpler way of saying "you are." For example, "YOU'RE going to the baseball game tonight, right?"

There are other things, that are a similar situation as the last few lines, but I trust you to point them out yourself. Criticizing yourself is a good thing. Just don't take it too far. I am sorry if this made you feel bad about yourself, because I didn't mean to. Honestly, overall this is a great poem, but everyone can improve. Some of the things that I talked about in this review I sometimes do myself. So don't worry, and keep writing!!!

-SuperOriginalName

Hello Doss I'm here to do a review for you on this lovely day and to help you polish up your work to make it better.

Okay let's begin.

First off I really like this poem, it is stacked with deep emotion that I am very familiar with, so I understand the pain you feel and the frustration. It's very deep so there is nothing to fix with that, you have got the emotions nailed that's for sure.
I also think the feelings and the thing you are trying to tell us through this poem is consistent all the way through, which is always good.

Now I would like to talk about one or two things I saw and would like to point out.

Here is the first one.

So now all that left to say is

So now all that is left to say is

So now all that's left to say is

Hi Dosserena!

I hope you're doing well this fine day.

I think that the language you use is really strong--I can tell that there's a lot of emotion behind this, and resistance. However, as mellifera already mentioned, sometimes the punctuation doesn't quite work out! If you use it purposefully, I think you can really make a point.

"This is the last time." The period gives it a feeling of being firm.
"This is the last time!" The exclamation mark gives this more of an angry or emotional feeling.
"This is the last time--" I think this could give a feeling of shortness and impatience.

Obviously you could experiment with different punctuation, and on different lines and stanzas than just this one, but I just wanted to show you how it might make a difference! Feel free to try different styles out.

Another thing that I wanted to point out is that you have several different players here: "You need to go", "I'm not going to take it back", "We made up our minds", and "Or somebody else will leave". First of all, this can be a little confusing. Me and you is pretty straightforward--I think the "we" could make sense too, but again, I think you want to use it more purposefully.

Depending on how you want the tone to change throughout the poem, I think you could either start by saying "I" a lot and progressing to "we" in the second half. I think that would imply one person standing up and then joined by others all forming a resistance and refusing to stand for this. Or, you could do the reverse and start by using "we" and going to "I"--to me, this would create the effect of a group resistance, but ultimately we would see the personal impact of one individual. It also might help to develop the we a little bit--"We, your family", "We, your friends", "We, everyone you ever betrayed" (that's a little dramatic, but you get the point. )

One last thing--I'm curious as to what is over, and what will be the last time. I love how clear the narrator is about their feelings towards this person, but I would also like to see a little hint of what the conflict might have been over. Just one or two key words of description might give readers a hint into what has been happening without going into detail! So you can keep the strong and stalwart poem you've already built.

I do really enjoy the emotion behind this! I can feel the power in the repetition of "This is the last time" and how the narrator is not letting any feelings of sympathy or regret taint their mind. Really nice job with this!

Take care,
-Q

Hey Doss! I'm going to be stopping by for a review today!

I'm not that experienced with poetry or poetry reviewing, so feel free to take anything I say with a grain of salt.


I'm on the like "You need to go." and the punctuation feels very random and misplaced? Maybe this is just me as a prose writer/reviewer, but you have a lot of sentences that you seem to have "stops" at the end of, but this is the first one that has a period? Of course, it's totally subjective, and again, prose reviewer speaking.

Its now over

Your hurting every single one of us

Its over now you cannot change the past

You cannot even change the future.

My heart will for ever be broken

You said you’d change

But I don’t think you got what that really meant

You seem to have changed on the outside

But your still the same person on the inside,

You still fighting like you always do,