Hi EagleFly!
Liberty500 is here to drop off a review for you. (Ha, that rhymes)
I'll get straight to it!
1. "A knife hit in to my leg" -> The "in to" does not need to be separated. It's meant to be one word.
2. "I feel a crack as I feel a lim braking," -> For the word "lim" I'm pretty sure you meant "limb". And also for the word "braking" you probably meant "breaking".
3. "I kick my right leg that is a bill to move" -> You wrote "a bill" which I'm pretty sure means "able"
4. "as it broke, | as he looked at me" -> You probably want to change that first comma into a period, it'll sound more fluent, I guess. And if you do make it into a period then you'll have to make the second "as" capitalized.
5. "Fresh blood pored," -> The word "pored" is spelt wrong. "Poured" is the right spelling.
6. "He then came skidding to word me," -> "to word" is not a separated word.
7. "I then rolled left" -> "I then rolled to the left" would sound a bit better.
8. "But he swerved to word me," -> Again, "to word" is not a separated word.
9. "I then throe my knife" -> "throe" is supposed to be "throw".
10. "The knife cut into his carafe muscle of his left," -> I searched up what "carafe" was, and it didn't say it was a muscle of any sort.
11. "And I crashed into square cord board," -> Shouldn't you add "a" in between "into" and "square".
12. "The pins feel out as I hit it some I felt sharp," -> I'm pretty sure you meant "feel" to be "fell".
13. "I took the Knife out," -> Is "Knife" supposed to be capitalized?
14. "Then sharp most pain full" -> This sentence doesn't make sense.
15. "Of a gun Shot goes through me," -> Is "Shot" supposed to be capitalized?
16. "I slip the knife strait through the other person," -> It'd be better if you wrote this sentence like this: "I slipped the knife straight though the other person,"
17. "Is all to my faith full Father," -> The word "faith full" needs to be spelt correctly like so: "faithful".
18. "Hew hate to witness this all." -> What is "Hew"?
Anyways... Your poem was really great! You expressed the feelings very very well!
Hope to see more from you soon!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Points: 825
Reviews: 453
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