Crying Like Rain Drops
I am just going to be here crying,
from day to night
with no sine of right,
not even to no the wrong,
Shedding the tears of many
In darkness.
only to be seen by the moons
Bursting blaze
throe the leaves on the trees,
I see the moons gushing light
That is sinking into my sole,
that is so cold,
only so many and sorten people
will be able to heal this broken heart,
that cry’s,
as the sun will die,
and the scary nights with the moon and the stars
remain on my heart,
this will only go when I stop all these tears from falling
like rain drops going down the window pain.
It’s a rising moon,
With no sun to shin up on
So it won’t bloom,
The rose that we want to be
Will now not be seen.
Every rain drop is like a tear,
That never burns
Even when fire is burning from some were.
I will keep crying,
Like the rain drops of many,
Hearts and souls.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hello @EagleFly, Your sister FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day. I'll try and make it short, but knowing me it might be long.
Okay so let's get to the review.
So I'm going to start off with what I saw that can be fixed.
So the word in bold isn't spelt wrong, but you have used to wrong sine, this one is supposed to be spelt like this 'sign'.
Onto the next thing I saw.
Now the word in bold is a spelling mistake, and I do believe you meant to say this, 'certain'.
Well I couldn't see anything else other than some of your sentence have capital letters and others don't, I would advise you ether start with capital letters or not, by doing that you will make the poem look a little better.
Now that's out of the way I am going to talk about all the good things I saw in your poem.
So the first thing that got my attention was the name and the meaning behind the poem. I think the name you gave it was really fitting, and it went really well with your poem. It some how prepared me for what was to come. So amazing job, I would say this is one of the best I've seen you make so far.
The next thing that I like was the way you made your poem, with some of your sentences in the center, and some of then are off the the right. Why I like this is that it is something you don't normally do, so it just shows me that you are trying new things, which is always good.
I think your punctuation was really well done, everything was in the right place, making the poem easy to read and it gave it a really good flow, making it even more enjoyable to read.
The thing that got me the most was the emotion and the very words you picked for this poem. The emotion in this peace of work, was like a river, over whelming the reader with the things you are feeling, and out of all the words you could have picked you picked the best, that makes this even better.
If I said I could write this poem better I would be lying. In my opinion this is one of the best I have seen you write, and I really do hope I will get to have to joy of reading and reviewing another of your works soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.
Your sister and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thanks for the review.
It helps Sis.
I'm glad!
Its lovely!!
Its really strong to me, i can totally relate to it. The choice of words is incredibly well. I love the imagery put into it as well. There is a few grammar and punctuation errors though. Check up on those!!
Either than that its really good EagleFly!
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
Thanks for the kind words Anma.
No problem
Hello! I liked your poem. I think it had a lot of meaning. I just have a few things to point out, and I hope you can benefit from the criticism.
TITLE:
In the title, "rain" should be capitalized. "Rain" and "drops" should be together. The title should be "Crying like Raindrops".
PUNCTUATION, SPELLING, AND GRAMMAR:
"with no sine of right," I am assuming "sine" is supposed to be "sign".
"only to be seen by the moons": "moons" should be "moon's"
"throe the leaves on the trees," I have no idea what "throe" is supposed to be. Through? Thow? This could leave your reader very confused.
"I see the moons gushing light" Once again, "moons" should be "moon's"
"That is sinking into my sole," I am assuming that "sole" is supposed to be "soul".
"That is sinking into my sole/that is so cold," This does not need a comma after sole/soul.
"only so many and sorten people" Once again, I have no idea what "sorten" is supposed to be. Certain?
"that cry’s, as the sun will die," The comma in between the two lines is not needed.
"that cry’s," It should not be "cry's", it should be "cries".
"like rain drops going down the window pain" "Pain" should be "pane". "rain drops" should be "raindrops".
"With no sun to shin up on" I am assuming that "shin" is supposed to be "shine".
"Every rain drop is like a tear," "rain drop" should be "raindrop".
"Even when fire is burning from some were." "some were" should be "somewhere".
"Like the rain drops of many," The comma should be removed.
THE POEM:
"I am just going to be here crying," I think that this should be re-written as "Am I just going to be here crying, and then add a question mark at the end of the stanza.
"only to be seen by the moons/Bursting blaze/throe the leaves on the trees,/I see the moons gushing light/That is sinking into my sole,/that is so cold," The moon is mentioned twice in the same stanza, something that usually doesn't work in poems.
"as the sun will die," I think that this should be "as the sun dies"
"and the scary nights with the moon and the stars/remain on my heart,/this will only go when I stop all these tears from falling/like rain drops going down the window pain./It’s a rising moon, /With no sun to shin up on/So it won’t bloom,/The rose that we want to be/Will now not be seen." This stanza is very, very confusing. I have no idea what connection it has to the rest of the poem, except for "this will only go when I stop all these tears from falling/like rain drops going down the window pain.", which has a connection to the title.
"Every rain drop is like a tear,/That never burns/Even when fire is burning from some were." Not sure why you connected tears and raindrops to fire, and I am struggling to understand what "Even when fire is burning from some were," means.
Overall, I think that there was a lot of meaning behind this. However, there are many errors that could potentially confuse and/or drive away readers. I hope to see more work from you in the future!
Thanks for the review it helps me a lot.