Young Writers Society

This poem is very focused on the theme of the sun being very hot.

The only metaphor I can see is in that first line "my skin start(s) to burn" - that's a feeling you're describing, and describing specific feelings in poetry is a good place to start. I wonder if you could dig into that metaphor a bit more - maybe have a few lines about fire? or roasting? or other things that go with this idea of "burning".

There are a few spelling mistakes that I believe others may have caught

line 1 "start" -------> "starts"

line 3 "the sun so hot" --------> "the son is so hot"

line 5 "up on" --------> "upon"

line 6 "sol" ---------> "soul" (unless you meant it to be a pun)

line 7 "to" ----------> "too"

line 10 "hole" --------> "whole"

There's also a lot of random commas. One thing you can do to check that out is try writing your whole poem as a sentence (without line breaks) and see where the commas go naturally, then re-write with the line breaks.


That's all I have for today, well done on this piece. I think for this poem it is good you stuck to one solid subject, because that made it easy to follow.

Good luck, keep on writing Eagle!

your friend,

~alliyah

Hey there, EagleFly!!

This is Eros here with a review for you!!

So llllet's BEGIN..
The title is awesome as always, catchy and attractive and drives me into the poem. I really loved the way you have presented the ideas one by one... The thoughts, the effects, everything is described beautifully.

You started the poem with the burning feeling on your skin, which is a very good start to the poem. Loved it very much. Then you continue describing the morning ... A thing to be thought upon was that if the morning is early how can the sun be so intense .. However, that is not the most important thing in the poem ... Because there are other things to be looked in a poem that are much more important: First the title. The title of your poem is superb as I said before. Second, the presentation of the poem--- you have really presented he poem very well, it has got that sweet smoothness you know, which is of great importance. Loved it. The main theme of the poem to is very unique and creative.

Apart from the 'sol' to soul and 'to' to 'too' and also 'hole' to 'whole' corrections there is nothing that I can point out... So overall there are just the little little things that don't even matter The Most, which I can suggest you to enhance the beauty of the poem. I really loved the beauty of the poem which is unique as I said before.

Now, coming to something else... Eagle, the poem of yours has a very fascinating base structure. I would like to give you an example of designing a beautiful dress. The first and the most important thing is he shape and size of the dress must be perfect and unique. Then comes the other things that'll help the dress look more gorgeous and stunning.
Relate this with writing the poem, you have got the structure of the poem very well designed. What is left is to add in the finer details of work like studding gems (adding adverbs and adjectives), embroidering the dress (adding comparison) etc.

For this poem, you may add the feeling of burning, is it severe, moderate, or very light, add how is it feeling unbearable, Describe the pain associated with it ... Maybe add how does it look, are you tanning red or brown? Are you sweating...
Well, these are just suggestions and you may feel free to ignore them ...

But I still love the way you write ...your writing style is unique and easy to understand. It conveys the message and thoughts straightaway a d directly enters the heart and mind ...it was a beautiful poem... Amazing work.

Keep writing such awesome poems and stuff and we would love to keep reading and reviewing them!

Have a great day / night!

With love,
From Eros

Hello! Sophie here to review your poem!
~
First section stanza thing-I love this but is it supposed to say “the sun’s” I might be wrong because I’m bad at grammar. The stanza is good and story line and I love it.
~
Second stanza thing-is it supposed to say “not a soul”? It might be a pun and I’m just missing this. But you might change that if it’s not intended. Also you need to change “to” to “too”

This is a really nice poem and I love the meaning and story behind it! There are a few mistakes that you should fix or review before submitting it to something else but other than that i like it.

Hi Eagle, Shikora were with a review.

Now this is a really nice poem. I really liked the name, I think it suites the poem very well. I'm not really sure what the meaning behind this poem is, but I liked it anyway. I would have liked a few more lines in the poem, because it felt really short. But you don't have to is you don't want to.
Now I saw a few mistakes in this peace of work and I'm going to point them out to you. So lets get right to it.

In this morning’s early churn

and not a sol can stand under it,

for the heat is to intense.