• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

The Gentle Creatures

by Dossereana

Authors Note: I've never written anything like this, so I hope you all like it! Also again it won't save the formatting!

their feathers always kept clean

after their wash

and careful preen

while they do not squeeze or squash

and their nests

are now always

kept separate from the rest

and it always portrays

endless love everyday

even when

their eggs are taken away

just so they can be

put on display

but what could it be

the creature that holds

such generosity

and now as one unfolds

the great curiosity

a lovely chicken

is now set free

and now its eggs are taken

but soon there will be

another in its place breaking

the surface

as it is awaiting

its purpose.

Is this a review?



User avatar

Points: 297
Reviews: 1

Mon Sep 25, 2023 8:47 pm
View Likes
Cassiegille99 says...

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! <3

I really liked this poem a lot. It was almost grace like but portrayed a deeply moving topic, which most of us stray our eyes from today. (This is my first review so try to take it easy on me, as it might take a while to finish.)

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
You use lots of great imagery in this which is really profound considering what you wrote about is such a conflicting subject.

"and it always portrays endless love everyday"

This is exactly what it is, a repeated cycle. We know these are chickens and that them and their eggs are used for a constant battle of slay and produce. They have feathers, they are dying and reborn. This is what we know and you portrayed it so simply, yet exactly how it needed to be said.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements

You could put a little more detail that could possibly move the reader a bit more. Make them think about their actions almost.
For example:
"their feathers always kept clean after their wash"

I would suggest either adding to that or wording it a little different. Maybe describe what happens to the feathers after their washed?

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
You honestly did a wonderful job portraying the endless pattern of business and animals. I think a lot of people will really open up their eyes to this and see how normal we make the entirely not so normal things.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall this was really lovely and this is just a mildly short review but I really hoped this helped some! Thanks for letting me use this beautiful piece as my first practice for more, and better reviews to come!

~Cassie here signing off!❤️


Dossereana says...

Thanks so much for the review! it was very helpful and I'm glad you like the poem, also trust me your first review was way better then my first. :D
Thanks again!!!!!

Dossereana says...

Hey just realised this didn't go through as a review, there is a button above the blue submit sign next time remember to press that, the button should say yes and should be the colour blue the the submit button if it is a review.
I would love for you to get the points for this so please re post it here but as a review :D

Cassiegille99 says...

Thank you so much! And whoops, haha. I'll make sure to post it as a review next time. Hope to hear more work from you soon, and I'm glad this was helpful for you! <3

User avatar
229 Reviews

Points: 9163
Reviews: 229

Sat Sep 23, 2023 11:43 pm
View Likes
foxmaster wrote a review...

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Okay, I know I say this a lot (mostly just to be nice,) but I totally LOVED this, for reals this time. I found myself smiling during the entire poem here. It just was such a sweet, happy, optimistic poem to me, explaining how chickens are such gentle creatures. I have to say that this is by far my favorite poem here on the site so far :)

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
What I know is that you explain how gentle chickens are, from their feathers kept clean after their wash, to how gentle they are to their eggs in their nests. But unfortunately people take the eggs just to be put on display, but sometimes the beautiful, curious chicken breaks through, waiting for its purpose.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements

are now always

This is at least the only mistake I found here, and it was that I feel this part was kind of unnecessary to me.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I LOVED all of this poem, but if I had to choose, it would be these two parts:
and it always portrays

endless love everyday

the great curiosity

a lovely chicken

is now set free

I liked the description of the chicken, and describing its endless love. I just found this poem so sweet.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Well, that's about it! This was a really great poem, and even though I'm not very good at reviewing poems, I still hope this review helped a bit!
happy writing,
(This review banner is made by @LuminescentAnt)

Dossereana says...

Thanks so much for the review I always like hearing what everyone has to say about it. :) I'm glad you liked it and will totally take all this into consideration.

User avatar
164 Reviews

Points: 177
Reviews: 164

Sat Sep 23, 2023 3:45 am
View Likes
AyumiGosu17 wrote a review...

I couldn't help but hop on another one! I won't be so long-winded this time.

I noticed one case of a misused homophone, and like I said on your other poem, it's an easy fix.

but soon their will be / another in its place breaking
You've used "their" appropriately until now. When referring to a place, use the form "there" instead.

I love how quirky this one is! It's short, it's a little bouncy, it's cyclical in structure and meaning, and it honestly captures the idea of chickens perfectly! I could actually imagine my own chickens running around the yard while reading this poem, so good job there.

You've got some great works. Keep it up!

Dossereana says...

Thanks so much again for the review I really enjoy reading them :)
I'm glad you like it, and I'll be sure to fix the gramma error!
thanks again!

User avatar

Points: 338
Reviews: 3

Fri Sep 22, 2023 6:37 pm
View Likes
wonderinthewings wrote a review...

Hello Doss!

In all honesty, I am writing this instead of paying attention to a rather boring class. It's a bit of a busy season for me and your poem was such a lovely break from stress!! But enough preface! Let's get into the poem!!

First off, I have to say, your rhyme scheme is impeccable!! I really enjoyed some of the rhymes your used and it made everything flow so nicely. And your choice to eliminate capitalization and punctuation (excluding the ending period) also make for a very smooth read. It also adds a feeling of timelessness that contributes to your topic of this ongoing cycle in the life of a chicken. It makes it so you could loop back to the beginning of the poem and read it again as if from the point of view of the chicken that was just hatched. It kind of reminds me of the whole 'which came first: the chicken or the egg?' debate.

I did notice that you wrote "there" a lot when I think you might have meant "their." Also the 'b' in 'but what could it be' is capitalized while most everything else in this poem is lowercase. I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.

Well, that's all, I hope you have a great day!!!

Dossereana says...

Thanks so much for the review I'm glad that you like the poem, I'll definitely go and fix all that!!

User avatar
147 Reviews

Points: 26479
Reviews: 147

Fri Sep 22, 2023 2:23 pm
View Likes
Rose wrote a review...

Greetings Poet!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a lovely poem titled “The Gentle Creatures” that deserves a good review. Therefore without further ado, let’s begin.


You've written a lovely poem, that uses rhyme and repetition to tell a nice tale of a chicken that is exploited for its eggs and then set free. The use of rhyme in your poem creates a rhythmic and musical quality, something that spreads an atmosphere of resilience and hope.

Your writing style is quite simple, but still unique. But it is mostly your imagination that created this appealing piece. You describe the feathers that are "always kept clean", and apart from the others. They get "endless love everyday", even when the eggs are being put on display.

The repetition in your poem emphasises the main idea and creates a sense of continuity, almost as if it is a never ending circle. That is why the repetition really carries the whole poem, because it deepens the emotional depth.
Your poem uses the chicken as a symbol of a creatures that are being exploited and oppressed by humans, but also have a hope and a will to live.
The poem could be interpreted as the resilience of nature and the value of freedom, it really brings out a deeper meaning.

In many lines of your poem, you use the word "there", I think you meant "their". Mind fixing these grammar errors for a better flow and to avoid confusion.
You could also consider using capitalisation to improve the readability and clarity of your poem; think of commas, periods, apostrophes, and capital letters to mark the end and beginning of sentences and phrases, and to show the possession and contraction of words.
You could also experiment with using more descriptive language in your poem, it will give it a whole new look.

Everything in all and all in everything, your poem has some true potential and it was a genuine pleasure to dive into this. You should definitely consider writing more of these.

That's it, that's all.
While lengthy reviews may dive deep, short reviews can still make a splash.

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,

Dossereana says...

Thanks Rose I'll differently go fix those things when I get the time :)
thanks again for the review I'm glad that you enjoyed it!!

I drink tea and forget the world's noises.
— Chinese saying