here we are down on earth
with our guns and our hate
can we still save ourselves?
or are we just way too late?
violence and pain and
loss and remorse
a child alone
a life set off course
yet He still looks on us
with a love in His eye
His chest inhales in
He lets out a sigh
so now we’re frantic in an open field
in the lightning storm
just as the rain chills our bones
we beg to be warm
violent storms and
the raging atmosphere
can’t help but make us
want to disappear
what can we do but breathe in the night
we need a saving grace
and a light
someone who’s with us
even in the lightning fight
this breath that He frees
winds its way down to us
so the grass blades do kiss
and His voice, it does muss
the heartbeats and hearts
of all who have heard
the sky becomes white
as the wings of a bird
auroras paint that glow
and the chaos comes forth
drumbeats clap in the sky
wind whips our hair north
so now we’re running towards an open field
in the lightning storm
even as the rain chills our bones
we still want to be warm
violent storms and
the raging atmosphere
can’t ever get that
hope to disappear
we all feel the need to breathe in the night
we’re finding our saving grace
and our light
maybe He’ll be with us
even in the lightning fight
whom does this touch?
all who feel it, of course
it reflects in the eyes
of gazers, with such force
that our hands twirl in time
and a beat presses strong
we see the miracle He’s given
we see that we’re wrong
His sigh is still pounding
and it tilts the whole earth
even so, we run desperate
for all that we’re worth
so now we’re dancing in an open field
in the lightning storm
even as the rain chills our bones
His hands keep us warm
violent storms and
the raging atmosphere
can’t ever get His
love to disappear
nothing can stop us as we breathe in the night
for He is our saving grace
and our light
He’s always with us
even in the lightning fight
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138,933 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Love the message. It especially gives me a deep feeling because I recently just found God myself. I love the message of how even when things are lost in dispair, He can still give hope and the feel of needing to live. The only thing that I couldn't stand was the fact that there was no grammer, even though I have a feeling you did that on purpose. Even though it scratches at my inner writer, it gives a solid effect to the impact of the poem. Overall, very very good piece. Keep Writing!
Wow, I really like it. I love the imagery, how you didn't give us too much detail, but we can still see it in our mind's eye so perfectly. My only nitpick is that "His chest inhales in" seems kinda repetitive to me. His chest INhales IN. But other than that, I do like it. I like the rhyming scheme and I like that line: "even in the lightning fight" I like the imagery of it and the way you set it off to give it more emphasis. Sorry I didn't have that many critiques for you, loved it!
-tgirly
I loved this!!! It's got such a beautiful message of hope among despair ! I didn't think the rhyming was forced at all (no offence to the previous reviewer
), felt that it had just the right amount of flow! You should make a song out of this! Seriously, get someone who can play an instrument, make up an awesome melody to go with it and you'll have hit 
Really enjoyed this 
Very nice message, good theme, I liked the way you didn't punctuate everything, just the 'He's'. It added a dramatic and emphatic effect; little nitpicks.
His chest inhales in - That, unfortunately, doesn't make sense. I know you were trying to keep the rhythm, or meter, but that doesn't work.
The rhyming SOMETIMES feels a little forced. Excuse me for using capitals, but I've said this in several previous reviews and people have taken offense -.- So don't be offended. Please.
Aside from those two things, it's really good actually - keep writing, I'll be looking out for more work from you.
Lovely poem, intense and with an message of hope, a little bit of redound but I think it helped to give feeling to the poem.