lock consumed by bloody rust
fast-bound gate
but the key was paper
barely real and fragile
carried by the wind
crushed
foolishly I opened my gate
and it won’t close until
the rust on the other is gone
and a new key made
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138,933 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
I like that its open to interpretation. It may well be about love/heartbreak and thats fine but it doesn't interest me, I hear so much about it all around it on paper, screen and song. I like that I am free to find my own meaning here, it makes it a lot more accessible for people like me.
Hi, there.
I love your title; it really caught my attention. I think you have a good idea in there, but I feel as though you were trying too hard to be symbolic, which made the poem a little vague. While it is good to be subtle, you don't want your reader searching for something to grasp. I'm not sure I truly understood what you were trying to say. I'm thinking something about keys to hearts, but I'm sorry to say that I didn't really get it. It could be my fault, though.
This is so short, you have room to elaborate a little so your reader can latch on and experience this idea with you. There was one phrase in there that really caught my eye:
I love this line because, if you are referring to the gate to a heart, it has a double meaning. I absolutely love double meanings; they make me happy.
So -- this is what I got from the last stanza:
The narrator has opened their heart to someone else, but the other person is closed off with lingering pain from a previous relationship? If that's the case, I'm not quite sure how the paper key fits in. I really like the idea of a paper key, but in context it sort of threw me off.
It needs a little work, but I think you have a wonderful start here.
-Sea-
I liked it it was kinda short though...
"foolishly I opened my gate
and it won’t close until the rust
on the other is gone"
I liked the part about opening the gate... hmmm maybe you could explain to me exactly what this means to you on FB
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Heres a picture of a boat for you