Revelation

Mr. K here. Shall we?

You can feel it, can't you?
...
You can feel it.

Can’t you?

Cute, but unnecessary. Save rhetorical questions for rhetoric. And only then if you're speaking to children. Make this a statement, and avoid opening by directly addressing the subject.

The frenzied vibration of heated guitar strings -
fueled by fingers that are led by another, bigger presence,
allowing the swift plays of emotions and soul strings
that could only try to exist otherwise.

This is just a vignette that does nothing and goes nowhere. I understand it sets up the next couplet, but it's like going from Philadelphia to New York via Madrid. You've taken a huge, unnecessary detour. Try re-writing this section with half the words, without sacrificing the integrity of the meaning.

There are camera views - with wide apertures -
of the angled neck and rippling lines
(strobe lights and sweaty hair)
and below them stand bent, and trembling knees.

The hyphens and brackets can go. Only the extremely pretentious use them. If you have something to say, say it. If you're going to allude to something, allude to it. Brackets just say "Look guys! I'm using subtlety! Everyone notice how subtle I am!"
Other than the brackets and hyphens, this section is much better than the one I talked about above. It moves somewhere, rather than just milling around like the other one. That said though, it's unfinished. You set up this knockout punch, then just stop. Basically, why the angled necks, sweaty hair, and trembling knees? Follow through, and drive the point home.

It is the epiphany inspired by a symphony
(eyes closed and head nodding, in time to the base)
that is unabridged and unconventional.

First, *bass.
Next, brackets again. My advice: swap the first and second of these tree lines around, and lose the brackets.
I like the link of 'revelation' and 'epiphany', and I love the link of 'profound' and 'unconventional'.

As I said earlier, lose the last two lines completely. Twist-in-the-tale endings only work if you have a masterful set-up (see Eliot's Rhapsody on a Windy Night). Otherwise they're just the mark of a lazy poet struggling to wrap up a piece (I'm very guilty of it myself). I like the idea of questioning whether the experience is universal or subjective to the narrator, but the execution is a little trite. Keep the idea. Rework. Re-write. Say more with less words.

There is quality stuff here. Your main problem is the less quality stuff burying it. It's like archaeology - carefully brush away the dirt and maybe you'll find some treasure.

As always, PM me to discuss further.

K.