A man –
dark skin, and dark future.
In a river of water,
and a river of people.
“Sir, you’ll have to leave her.”
No.
Can’t leave.
Can’t stop
clutching these auburn tresses.
Tears and
chest tight.
Eyes see only blurred copper.
Can’t leave.
Can’t stop
caressing these auburn ears.
“Sir, you’ll have to-”
“Wait,” says another. “Sir-
we can take her.”
Ears not working right,
catching only quips.
“...Baton Rouge...”
“...care...”
“...until you return.”
Leaving.
Stopped holding on
only because
I’ll hold her again.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hi!
Well I really liked this poem. The layout was weird but I think it displays how people think when they are desperate. They don't think straight (or sometimes they do) and sometimes they only hear parts of sentences. So I really liked how you laid out the whole poem.
I wasn't able to fully understand it until I read the spoiler at the end. Usually that would annoy me, but I kind of liked it with this poem. It made the poem seem whole and full.
I think this was a very interesting poem and very different from anything I have ever read, but I liked it a lot.
Deanie x
Hello there,
My first impressions of this poem was the odd layout! I'm not much of a poet ... yet .... But if you did that on purpose then it really works... But if you didn't then I suggest researching on the layouts of poems ;3
I love the amount of detail and emotions ... it's almost as if your there staring into the face of the boy who has to leave his beloved dog behind . You can see the hurt in his eyes.
Thanks
Sianniiee
Oh my gosh, that's so sad. Brilliant job. Really, excellent. I was tearing up. I love it when people absolutely love their pets.