18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Descent Chapter 3: Reborn Part 1

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.

The Descent

Chapter 3: Reborn Part 1

We were walking down the hospital again. A tiny part of me was glad that this would be the last time, and that I won’t be going through the low and high security areas into maximum security, but the rest of my brain was a battlefield pounded to dust by heroes and villains.

“The effect of the retrograde amnesia I induced in her had to be widespread, thorough.” The doctor continued as we were walking through the endless, white corridor, making me wish for amnesia myself. The more I hear the more fucked up I feel, “This father of hers you wrote about did quite a number on her. More than half of her short life had to be axed away, but of course, don’t worry. That is an oversimplified explanation.”

Inside, I was wishing for him to just stop, to just pause for a second, that the complex explanation would absolutely kill me, but as Mindy’s friend, or as I’d like to think, family, I knew I had to take it, one wallop at a time. Somehow, it was even worse than all that beating I took from those streetfights I got involved in as Kick-Ass. It was more insidious, screwing my insides left and right.

“Her range of expression will still be similar. She will retain most of her vocabulary and speech skills. Her motor skills are more or less intact… With the right chemicals and procedures I managed to wipe away most, if not everything that was violent.” The doctor said, and my confidence in a happy ending was dwindled into a midget shorter than Mindy.

“Similar? More or less?” Rhetorical questions aside, I didn’t like the way the doctor puts it.

“Well, she might stumble on her own words and feet once in a while, but don’t worry, yeah? It’s not permanent. Think of it as the hurdles a normal kid would have to cross before establishing her personality. The neurochemicals I gave her and the dosage were strictly controlled, but collateral damage cannot be avoided.” The doctor elaborated. Upon hearing more about the science fiction nightmare Mindy was put through, I had to stop and lean on the wall. My morning cereal mixed in with acid could be felt coming up my gullet, so I had to push it back down and put a hand over my mouth in case some of it decides to pour out.

“What else do I have to worry about?” I said, and couldn’t help but to feel tired and lethargic, even this early in the day. I couldn’t help the cynicism in what I say. It was overwhelming right from the start, and now it was like the Golden Horde Hellboy had to face.

“As I have iterated before, keep her away from any physical activity even resembling what she used to do as Hitgirl and Demoness. While she was under my care, I’ve forbidden her from physical exercises.” The doctor continued.

“So, what, do I lock her up in her room for the rest of her life?” The sarcasm can’t be helped either. I was falling beyond the point of no return, and it didn’t make me a very happy man. This wasn’t normal, even after all I’d seen, and just 2 years ago, real life superhero costumes weren’t even normal. I was falling too fast, “Mindy would have been better off dead.”

“No, by God, no.” Somehow, the doctor, after everything he had done, sounded a little shocked. I looked at him again, and he looked confident. The only saving grace was that he looked sympathetic, concerned. I was expecting him to fall into the disinterested physician category, “Some jogging and aerobic exercise would be fine, and whatever other exercises girls do to keep fit and their figure good. Just no martial arts, no extreme sports, nothing of what you people would term as ‘hardcore’.” This time, I kept silent, I kept falling.

“Mentally, I believe she’s lost about a year or two of basic development, but with some hard work I’m sure she could catch up. From what I gathered all these months, she’s very intelligent, just that her intelligence was used in some… unconventional ways.” I almost retched. So not only have you turned her into a klutz and a babble-mouth, I mentally criticized him sharply, you dumbed her down!? The old Mindy would have preferred a bullet to the brain.

When I was ready to walk down the same whitish, spotless corridor again, we did so in silence, and I was stewing in all the new shit the Doctor had thrown in me. My anxiety was about to go supercritical. Slowly but steadily, the low security checkpoint came into view around the next bend. I could easily hear my own heartbeat, and I wasn’t sure if it was even beating the right way anymore. I was more worried about Mindy’s health than my own.

“A final word of advice, Dave.” It was as if the doctor decided that the million bombs he dropped on me wasn’t enough. I knew he was doing his job, doing the right thing, that it was good for me to listen, but there was just too much of a good thing. I had to psyche myself up into listening, “When I say ‘stir her clear from all that nonsense that drove her down to my Institute’, I mean right down to the specifics. I don’t even want her to like the same colours anymore, am I clear? This is important for Mindy’s recovery, do you understand?” I nodded, again. It was all I could do. I was completely done over by him. I felt brainwashed myself.

After clearing the checkpoint, we came into the same patient lounge area, the same place where the more docile patients were kept. There were patients milling about, playing card games, reading, watching televisions or zoning out, supervised by orderlies. My stomach twisted again, the way Mindy would twist my arm back if she wants to subdue me. I was hoping to see her there, but none of the patients were even remotely her size. It was reminiscent of the many times I had gone through the low-security zone without seeing Mindy. My overactive Kick-Ass sense told me she had somehow tricked Dr. Paul and escaped. The next few steps were difficult as I fought back both the anxiety of seeing ‘Mandy’ and the irrational fear of a sudden Demoness ambush. But as the lounge came completely into view…

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hello, Dark Raven!

This story just gets harder and harder to review. And this also feels like one of those transition parts in the middle of a chapter, which isn't bad. It's good to slow down once and a while to build up the tension.

Throughout the entire explanation, it really seems like the doctor just starts to ramble, as if to calm his own nerves. And I'm left wondering if that's his personality or you're just trying to make us understand what happened to Mandy through him. Especially because Dave never mentioned him seeming jittery or anything it just seems kind of there. It's alright how it is, but perhaps expanding more on the doctor. Sure he's more of a minor character, as it feels now, but all character development is important.

One thing that I always love about your writing is we get to really feel emotion throughout the narration and its more than /just narration/. His voice is very clear and his feelings about everything just comes together so cleanly that we don't even question what's going on.

The plot's progressing nicely, moving away from the exposition portions of where Mandy was still Mindy and kind of insane to her being 'reborn' as one might say. It's interesting to see how this new life of hers will be and how will Dave cope with it all. Before hand, its really obvious that they were close and its nice to see that he's willing to take her in, but how hard can it be to have to literally mold someone you 'loved' (friendly-wise :P ) before into someone they aren't and shouldn't be.

Though, I'm really wondering why, of all places, did you cut it out mid-sentence. It'll be hard to get jerked out of the story like that and suddenly shoved back in at the beginning of the second half. I shall only find out as I read on, then. This story is just so cool!

Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:10 am

Greetings ^^

What I already love about this chapter by just reading the first paragraph alone, is that you already get a sense of his emotions and of Mandy's character. In one go, and immediately. And a superhero reference to top off Dave's thinking process. Not an easy thing to do. "I won’t be going through the low and high security areas into maximum security, but the rest of my brain was a battlefield pounded to dust by heroes and villains. " With those lines.

I feel like this chapter drags it out before we get to see the new Mindy, which is great because it keeps the reader hooked and turning those pages. I mean, suspense is always great! From the way I'm reading this I wouldn't be surprised if it was a published book that I picked up and read myself. I'm enjoying reading this a lot. (And it's hard to find faults in)

I'm glad you haven't made Doctor Paul devoid of all sympathy, because yes, he did just turn a person Dave knew inside out. It's a difficult task to change a girl completely, and that's exactly what he is throwing at Dave. I'm wondering how he'll manage and cope with it. I think Doctor Paul would still be checking in with Dave though, would he not? Just to be sure the development is going as it should.

The more I hear the more fucked up I feel,


Yeah, I've gone back to grammar checking. This is because, I see some mistakes, but they're just the same type of mistakes repeated. If you can manage to eradicate them in your writing, it'll be a smooth and easy read ;)

For that quote, just put a full stop at the end, because the next speaker is Doctor Paul, not Dave. And this is a case where the feel should be felt, to stick with past tense. Again, in this chapter, I noticed the tense jumping quite a bit again. Just take a note of it here (because I know you couldn't have edited all the chapters just by the reviews I did a few hours ago).

Inside, I was wishing for him to just stop, to just pause for a second, that the complex explanation would absolutely kill me, but as Mindy’s friend, or as I’d like to think, family, I knew I had to take it, one wallop at a time.


You don't do it often, but every now and again you have run-on sentences. Sentences which are far too long and don't contain enough connecting words or full stops. My version of this would be:

Inside, I was wishing for him to just stop. Just pause for a second, otherwise the complex explanation would absolutely kill me. But I was Mindy's friend, or as I'd like to think, family, so I knew I had to take it - one wallop at a time.

I said, and couldn’t help but to feel tired and lethargic,


Sometimes you add a 'to' just before the verb or something, and it's quite unnecessary. You can just cut them out.

Kick-Ass sense


I feel like he has a double personality, and this just encourages that :) I like it.

Right, I shall proceed with reading.

Deanie x

My grammar is more terrible than I thought. Mistakes like that are unforgivable, or at least that's how I treat myself. Thanks for paying attention to the plot. The inputs you give are very useful.

Not unforgivable at all, just minor things. When you look at the big picture, you've pretty much got that down already.

Oh okay. *Goes back to flogging himself and reciting the grammatical rules of the English Language* Yeah well, there's always room for improvement, but I get what you mean.

Bam! I am back, ha- Alright, lets get this review started.

Comments
Most of the comments will just be a little details that I have noticed and questions that had popped up in my head as I had read through the story. These questions are meant to strike your opinion within your story, giving you a feel of how most readers will view it and based on that, you will be able to change it in your way. :)

We were walking down the hospital again.

Where are you walking? Like down a corridor or a hallway or a big room?

it, one wallop

What is a "wallop" ?

“Similar? More or less?” Rhetorical questions aside, I didn’t like the way the doctor puts it

When you say " "Similar? More or less?" " is it in the characters head? If so, I would not quote it, I would italicize it.

acid could be felt coming up my gullet,

What is a "Gullet" ?

and now it was like the Golden Horde Hellboy had to face

What are you referring to?

like the same colours anymore, am I clear

Just a reminder here, in America we spell it "color" if you are wanting to change those words. If not, that is cool. :)

But as the lounge came completely into view…

Love the cliff hanger!

Over all
GREAT job over all. I love it! I like how you put so much pain into Dave and how you convey his emotions about the young girl and everything that had happened. It is wonderful, keep it up! :D Again, just a few questions popped up in my head and I hope those will help you through your writing! Thank you so much for your time and keep on writing my friend!
~Knight Onyx



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