Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.
The Descent
Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 3
Meanwhile…
“Bowie… Constitution… Napalm…” I was writing down even more words I could remember. There were many of them, more than I could check on the dictionary. Some of them weren’t even found on the dictionary, and I would worry that I was just being stupid.
It was then I heard something. It sounded like a voice, but I couldn’t tell whose it was, so I walked out of my room. “Dave?” I called out, hoping that he came back early, but when I looked at my Spongebob watch, it was only 9:35.
Then there he was, on the stairs. It wasn’t God in his brown jacket and sweater and jeans, but it was this man in a black suit, what looked like a knight’s armour. I saw knights on books before, and he looked like that. Like God, he was walking down the stairs. I was terrified, but I followed him. I couldn’t help myself. I felt drawn to him, as if he was a friend, as if I owed him something.
“Hello?” I went down the stairs after him. The living room was dark, with only the TV shining light everywhere. Daddy was asleep on the couch. He was tired from work. The man in black armour had a cape on, and I saw it billowing, flitting away down to the basement. It was just like last time. I didn’t want to go down and disobey Dave and Daddy, but… The man in black armour – Was he a friend? I wanted to follow him…
This time, I went to the kitchen and took a flashlight from the kitchen. I was afraid I might see the bloody arm from the boxes again.
I went down the wooden stairs again. I expected it to creak, but it frightened me all the same. I was afraid the man in black armour wasn’t as friendly as I thought he was. I held my heart and cross necklace, and said my prayer again, “My Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…”
I reached the foot of the stairs. The basement was a little emptier than it was. The workbench no longer had that yellow utility belt thing on it anymore. “Thy Kingdom come…”
An arm reached out from the boxes. It still scared me, even if I expected it. I shined my torchlight on it. Blood. The arm came further out. I stepped back. A head pops out, which was when I realised that the skin of this thing was pale – some parts of her weren’t covered in blood. The hair on its head was snow white. Its eyes were blood red, a little dark red. “Help me!” It was a she, and she was crying for me, her arms reaching for me. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid she might hurt me.
“Please!” She was in pain. Her voice was strained. In the end, I decided to pull her out. Help her the way Dave helped me. I could soon see her chest, her other arm. She was naked, entirely. Her legs pulled through, and she slumped to the ground, and as soon as she did she curled up. She was covered in blood. She reminded me of new-born babies, like the ones I saw on my science textbook. On the ground, she shivered and I could see goosebumps , “C-cold… Please.”
A box full of old clothes had tumbled over. I took a few, wanting to help her, clean her. I wasn’t afraid anymore. She looked even more afraid than I was. She was crying, but I didn’t know what made her cry. When I wanted to start cleaning her, she pulled away, as if I would hurt her, “Hey, it’s okay, I won’t…” I had to soothe her before I start.
I wiped the blood away. There was a lot of it. Where did they come from? It took a lot of dresses before I could see her snow white skin. The snow white girl seemed older than me. Her chest was larger, and she was taller than I was. Who was she?
Out in the City…
As we were patrolling, people were constantly taking videos and photos of us. For a week or two now, we dominated Youtube and photo sites. We would walk down sidewalks, delta formation, keeping right for people to pass by, this group of seven superheroes with Colonel Stars and Stripes at the head, Eisenhower by his side. We were a sensation, and it was about to get even better than that…
Up ahead was a subway station. Like the gutters spewing forth rainwater, it was always disgorging people transiting from one part of New York City to the next. This time though, the flow was even faster. People were running out, not jogging, but trying to get away from something, screaming and shouting. “Forward advance! God’s intervention, tonight!” The Colonel ordered as he ran towards the subway, his dog trotting by his side. We followed him, maintaining roughly our Delta formation.
Back Home…
The snow white girl lay in a corner. I covered her up with rags, so that she would feel warm, and also so that she won’t be… naked. She looked out cold, but when I got close to her again, she opened her dark red eyes. Her eyes were scary. It was as if she could read my mind with those eyes.
“Who are you?” I asked her as she stared into my eyes. How did she get here to begin with? Why was she in the basement, bloody and naked?
“I- They call me… Demoness.” The red-eyed girl said. It sounded like a nasty name. She did look a little like a Demon. Yet she seemed just as innocent like me, and harmless. She looked like she was the one who was harmed instead. Demoness started crying again soon after saying her name.
“Demoness? It’s fine, don’t cry. You’re safe here…” I felt like Dave. This time, I became the one to comfort a little girl, though she was older than me, “What happened, Demoness?” I tried to hold her, but she shrunk away from me, her face grimacing – she was crying, afraid.
“They- They killed my daddy.” Demoness replied in between sobs. I was shocked by what she said.
Back Out…
There was fighting in the subway. Knives and sticks were flashing between 10 or so men who were largely black. There were one or two Hispanics, and a white. “Rivalry between the Bloods and the Crips.” Colonel Stars and Stripes commented, and stopped us. The feuding gangsters were too busy with their own problems that they didn’t notice the seven superheroes watching them.
“Red signs and Chicago Bulls are the Bloods, the others Crips.” The Colonel explained with renewed urgency. I nodded at the new info, ready for it. The rest of the team were frozen. It was a huge step from kicking mannequins and palming thin air to taking down street gangs, “Eisenhower, stay. The rest of you, spread out and encircle, take down those outside then in.”
Already, a few of the gangsters had fallen, but I saw something else amongst them, someone familiar. A jagged 8-figure mask, totally black costume. He was a fellow superhero, small framed but well-toned. I thought back as I took my position, and it occurred to me – I’d seen him on the net before, someone I dismissed as someone who didn’t look like a team player. It was The Enforcer, the Punisher look-alike minus the guns and gadgets, the guy who patrols the subways exclusively. He must have tried to stop them, and failed miserably. Being a superhero meant taking on missions no matter the difficulty and cost. It seemed that The Enforcer knew that, and he could have died for it. Bound by a brotherhood of costumes, I felt inclined to help him, and quick.
Back Home…
“They- They were all res...ponsible.” The Demoness struggled to put her words out. She was still shaking, but I didn’t know if it was the cold anymore. How did she get here? Did she crawl through the basement windows?
“Demoness… What happened? Who’s they?” I could not understand what she was describing. Yet I couldn’t understand why, but it seemed familiar somehow. It felt like ‘Déjà vu’ – Mrs Davies called it that when I told her about things that felt familiar but weren’t.
“I’m a-alone now because of them.” The Demoness was still shaking. I could see her trying not to chatter her teeth. She was shaking so hard – she seemed so weak and afraid. I felt sorry for her.
“De-Demoness? You’re not alone anymore. I’m here.” I said. Somehow, it felt like I sounded different. My head felt a little dizzy, heavy. I reached for her hand, and this time, she did not shrink away from me. I was a little afraid of her and myself, so I didn’t do it quick. When I finally touched her snow white hand and held it, it felt cold and soft. Her hand was weak. I could barely feel it closing in around mine.
“Good.” For the first time, she smiled. I saw her face clearly even though it was dark. Dave said that our eyes were like that when we stayed in the dark for some time. I saw the corner of her lips and eyes curling up. I felt happy for her that she could still smile, but at the same time, she was scaring me. The grip of her hand tightened. I felt my own hand tighten around my necklace.
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Hi there Raven!
Me again to continue reading this novel. This chapter was pretty flawless on its own. I think the perfect thing you did in this chapter was transition between the two stories that were happening at the same time. I really did think that was necessary because I got the impression that by itself one of the stories wouldn't be too interesting. And I really like how Mandy is seeing Demoness who is basically her true self that they tried to cover up coming back out. The feeling of loneliness resolving from how Big Daddy was taken from her. I wonder if she is going to give into her in the end, and how the two of them might manage to be come alike once again. At the same time I am also wondering how this first big fight is going to go for the heroes group. Lots of things happening at once!
I feel like what needs working on here most is your choice of words to bring across the story. I think mostly it was good but there were a few things that need nitpicking to make the flow work perfectly here and not be a disturbance for other readers as well.
But first, when it comes to Mandy's story I wasn't feeling much emotionally. I think it's because there was so much repetition of the word 'afraid'. I understood that she was afraid, but if she went down their and disobeyed her family, I feel like we should be getting guilt and curiosity as well as faith that she can be safe with her God with her. And that wasn't coming across at all because we so focused on one emotion. I wanted a bit more there. Also, you are using a lot of short sentences here. It might be because this is supposed to be rising suspense moment in the story, but I did get the feeling of it being short and choppy in some places, ruining the flow of the chapter. I would suggest making some longer ones in there as well, just so things read smoothly.
You mean 'in' the dictionary instead of on. If you say on then you are solely referring to the cover and not the content of the book at all. So I think you mean in instead. Also, how does she know they aren't in the dictionary? You make her sound so sure, but there are more than she could check in the dictionary. you make no note of her actually trying by checking a few. If you do want to include it, then do so! But if not, then perhaps it would be better if you said they probably weren't in the dictionary in place of what you have, so there is room for doubt there.
These are some more cases where the 'on' needs to be switched to an 'in' for the same reason as mentioned previously.
Close repetition of 'kitchen' and not really necessary because you already tell us where she is going to get it. I would put a full stop after flashlight and have the sentence end there instead.
You have a pretty close repetition of the word 'again'. These sentences are actually the first and last lines of a paragraph, but I would get rid of one usage of it. Probably in the second sentence, because the bloody arm has more importance to it than the wooden stairs does.
Maybe this is an unfinished sentence? I feel like there should be a before after right before the full stop.
I felt like the repetition here was done on purpose to deliver the message of how red these eyes actually were! In that case, I feel like we should have some punctuation to help outline and implement this a bit more. This is my suggestion to possibly help you do this:
Its eyes were dark red - blood red.
You see how I switched up blood and dark and made blood last? That's because blood is the stronger word and brings more of a shock to description by having it at the end.
Here you are referring to blood, and seeing as blood is not a person you should say it instead of they.
I feel like the first two words in that quote should switch to improve the flow of words. Both ways make sense, but it just seems smoother if switched.
And "quickly" seems to be more complete instead of simply having quick.
Okay, that is all I have to say! I hope to get to final part of this chapter soon
Deanie x
Hey, Dark Raven!
Alright, so, I see Mindy is thinking about God again. But its interesting that this time she sees Big Daddy in his actual superhero suit, cape and all. Though, I recall that last time she was following God, she though about the priests words and how there was more than just God. How come this time it didn't pop up? Why did this time she instantly trust it? This is a different form of God, so I'd think she'd be more wary, more frightened even.
This thing about Demoness really confuses me anymore. Up until this point, I was still on the fence on this whole Demoness business on how Mindy was her at the same time and fighting her, but is Demoness an actual different person, or is it just a screwed up version in Mindy's mind? Are you pulling an unreliable narrator here?
I do like that Demoness takes the role of the old Mindy. And it seems like all of Dave's and his father's efforts to keep this relapse from happening are crumbling, since this would more than likely be the final key to tearing down the wall keeping the memories at bay in Mandy's head. But, I do wonder, I thought the Doctor actually removed the memories? Or did he just think he did? Perhaps make this more clear.
(My advice about switching perspectives still stands. Its detracting more from both scenes than adding to it.)
The scene with in the subway seemed really random to add in at this point specifically. I guess its a test of their new found strength and all that, and I'm curious to see how they'll handle it this time.
That's all I have for now, since the focus seems much more on Mindy discovering this part of her again. Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Oh, so it appears that the perspective switches around? Interesting. I was only really tipped off by the fact that the narrator call out Dave, so it seems like there has to be some kind of tip off that the perspective switched? I'm not sure if you have, but it would be really nice to find a way to tip off a perspective switch, since in first person it's really hard to tell.
Excuse my missing introduction: Hello, Dark!
Haha! I have found some nitpick! Little unnecessary repetition which could have easily come from just not paying attention while writing.
I'm not too sure I really like how it flips back and forth and back again between the two perspectives. While Mandy's (I assume?) is slightly more intriguing, Dave's seemed quite important from the fight maybe in the next part getting to see some action. However, when they switch back to one another too often it's really hard to get zoned in and focus on what's happening. You want your reader to forget the outside world exists and that they are part of this world you are forming around them, but with this, it's so much more difficult.
I do recall that Dave mentioned a Demoness, and it all seemed rather ominous when she was down there, like Mandy was losing herself. Was she becoming the Mindy Dave so utterly fears? It's all very drawing and the concept is really cool!
Otherwise, I don't have any qualms with this chapter, and I believe I will at one point go back and read all the rest of these chapters. It's an interesting concept and I am very curious to know more. Great job! That's all for me for today. Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hello D4RKR4VEN! CHRISSY321 here with a really late night review!
I really and honestly could not find things to fix, so I will tell you all the good things you you can kinda get an idea of what to continue doing!



*Happy Review Day!*
For starters, I love the idea! This whole thing is so exciting and full of detail- and I love it!
Organization - I loved the way you organized this whole thing! I think that is helps the reader understand what is going on the whole time, and is a good sign! Just do not overdo it on all stories because it may be too much! (That is not the case here tough!)
The details - I loved the details, and description. One thing I did appreciate was at the end when they would stutter, you would show it, and that is good! being able to show things like that makes the reader understand and kind of hear what is being said better!
The ending - I love the way you chose to end this story! I know it is hard to find what may be a 'final sentence', so that fact that you could end this story so well is great! It shows a great strength in writing, and can be very goo, especially if you are ending a book, because it is all about choosing the right words!
Overall, this was great, and I can tell that you are a great writer! I was glad to read this! Thanks for sharing!