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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Descent Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 2

by D4RKR4VEN


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.

The Descent

Chapter 13: Thy Kingdom Come Part 2

Morning…

I woke up at the same time as usual. 8 o’clock. Traces of Westlife was still whispering in my mind, but were quickly replaced by the latest song by Rihanna, who Mindy last professed to be her favourite singer, then silence as I found my remote controller again and switched the TV off. It deserved its rest.

On my way to the bathroom for my usual shower and toothpaste, I decided to poke my head into Mindy’s room. I was concerned, actually worried that one of my insane midnight projections of her fate might actually be true. I knocked on the door. No response. I knocked again. My heart skipped a beat – nothing. I waited for an answer, but it didn’t come like the last time, so I opened the door, and poked my head. I was dead worried, but there was no Mindy in her bedroom. Her bed was messy but empty. Mindy wasn’t in bed, only Big Teddy, this huge, black teddy bear with a yellow ribbon around its neck. I’d bought it for her, for her belated 11th birthday. My heart skipped a few beats. “Mandy?” I flew into her room, checked every possible place she could be at. Under the bed, in the cabinet, but there was nothing.

“Mandy!” I checked the bathroom, but there was nothing. I even went back to check my own room… with careful discretion in case she really did decide to come at me with a knife. Nothing. I flew down the stairs, looking behind television and couches, outside. Nothing. That was when I saw her in the kitchen.

Mindy looked horrible. she was in her pyjamas, sitting down on a dining chair, her arms crossed, her eyes glaring at the bowl of cereal she prepared herself – milk had spilled all around the bowl, and there was a trail from the counter, down to the floor and up to the table, to it. The container of milk was still on the counter, collecting dew.

I would never have thought I’d say this, but those were some evil eyes on Mindy. She glared ceaselessly at her bowl of cereal, as if there was a replica of me hanging by the noose somewhere inside. Blood was coming out of her nose, dripping down her mouth, her chin and finally forming droplets that splashed on the floor. She looked pissed, extremely pissed, for the first time since she was adopted into my family. Dad wasn’t at home; otherwise I would be a really dead Dave.

“Mandy?” I called out to her, but she didn’t respond. She continued crossing her arms, glaring at her cereals. I was scared half to death, but I took steps towards her – I had to keep reminding myself that she was Mandy, not Mindy nor Hit-Girl nor Demoness, or at least I believe so. I had to keep reminding myself that I love her, that she was my sister, “Mandy, what happened?”

She didn’t reply immediately. Then it hit me that those eyes on her head weren’t evil – she was just a kid who felt disenchanted. I’d forced an image of Hit-Girl on her, just like I always did. Or did I? “You know what happened, Dave.” She finally said, her body made of stone and her eyes still glaring at her bowl of cereal, like the eyes of a cobra.

“What was it about?” I sat down beside her, against my better judgement. Her hair had grown halfway to waist-length. Surprisingly, it fits her well.

“The same as last time.” She replied, cold as ever.

“Oh God... I’m so sorry, Mandy.” I apologised – I felt responsible. In fact, I was responsible. I certainly weren’t coming up with a solution. I apologised, but it felt like my apology had no currency anymore. Mindy didn’t flinch. I reached out to her, but when I touched her hair, she pushed my hand away. The blood on her face, at least, wasn’t as bad as the last time. It didn’t cover half her face or something – it was a stream of blood from her nostrils down her mouth, to her chin then dripping off. It wasn’t much – plus Dr Paul called it normal, just as bleeding through the nose was. Still, it looked bad enough that I had to do something about it.

I walked over to the kitchen counters and grabbed a few paper towels, but when I tried to wipe the blood and tears on her face away, she tore away from my grip as she struggled against me. “NO! Go away!” She shook her head in defiance, and drops of blood splattered on the table, went into the bowl of milk and cereal, mixing in with the milk spilled on the table. I tried to approach her again, but before I could even brush her mouth with the paper towel, she pushed me hard enough that I crashed into the kitchen counter, my spine meeting a sharp edge. It hurts like nothing I was used to – it was a part of my body with proper nerves and without plates, “I said no!” She cried in rage.

She wouldn’t even let me fix things, even when I really wanted to. I could feel rage building up in myself – I remembered all the things I’d done for her, things that a normal elder brother wouldn’t have done. Even with me gone for an entire week, I knew I’d done more than what the average brother I heard tell about could ever do in a lifetime. The pain along my back did the rest to set me off. Before I thought things through, I stomped towards her.

Gave her a hard slap in the face.

I could hear the sound of my palm smacking her soft cheek, hard.

I regretted it in no time at all after that.

It almost appeared as if it didn’t register, but moments into us freezing, she felt her struck cheek with her hand, as if reaffirming if the slap was there, then started cracking up, crying once again. Returning to her seat, she cried there, just like how she used to, before her explosive temper started. She clutched the cheek I slapped as if it was a bullet wound, though with Mindy being Mandy, it might as well be.

But at least she allowed me to wipe her face while she cried. Was this how being a father was like? It seemed a little too early for me to learn this stuff as a substitute dad of sorts, and a little too late for me to learn this stuff as an elder brother.

The next thing I knew, we were hugging and apologising to each other again, but even as I had her in my arms, I knew that things were getting tougher, especially with my superhero lifestyle on the side, dominating.

I took Mindy out for lunch as a way to make things up. I was burning through my wallet for Mindy – but dad would be pleased enough to help with that. It wasn’t anything upscale – a diner, but one of the best of that sort, at least in my opinion. For lunch, we had burgers and fries. Mindy ordered hot fudge sundae for dessert. I had nothing. I didn’t want to put on weight for what was to come – it sounded like Colonel Stars and Stripes’ special operation was coming anytime.

“It’s really good! Was it my favourite before the accident?” Mindy exclaimed after taking a bite of her dessert. Taking a good, hard look at her, I went with yes. She seemed to quiver at the taste of the hot fudge sundae, though I really had no idea if she had even tasted such a thing before, “Here, try it, Dave.” She passed the long, thin spoon she was using to me. I took a bite, and the flavour exploded in my mouth. “I told you so!” It was unbelievable that anything had ever happened this morning and yesterday night. In the midst of us sharing a sundae and taking photos of the two of us with her internet-unconnected cellphone, it was hard to believe that there was any bad blood between us. Were we both bipolar cases? My life was a storm in an ocean.

“Mandy.” I said after we were done with the sundae, “I want you to remember this moment. There will always be good times and bad times… so why not remember the best times?” Like in my superhero career, but that’s an extreme example, and I can’t tell Mindy that.

“But what about tonight? And tomorrow night?” The same question came again. Taking in a deep breath, I gave myself a few seconds to think. Better not screw things up again… But thankfully, I’ve had ideas on the way to the diner.

“Tell you what, I’ll sit beside you, maybe read you a book until you fall asleep. Deal?” Dad had always wanted to do something like this, but with Mindy to take care of, he needed to work harder, and was hence always too tired to do much. He’d been falling asleep in the middle of things these days.

“I’d love that.” She agreed readily. For a while, we sat there – it was peaceful in the diner. There weren’t a lot of customers. Soon enough, Mindy fell asleep leaning against my shoulder. I followed soon afterwards. It must have been the sundae, plus a poor night’s sleep.

Later that Night…

“People should get what they deserve.” We were patrolling on the streets when Colonel Stars and Stripes went into teacher mode, not that it was a bad thing. We were all getting our kicks from it. It felt like being in a kung-fu movie, taking lessons from a master. I’d asked what he meant when he suggested the last part of Justice Forever’s pledge: To give those in need, what they deserve! “Family living in the street deserves a hot meal. Inebriated college girl deserves to make it home safe at night.”

“And a pervert? Paedophile?” He continued with a look of extreme disgust written all over his face. He must have seen a lot of them. As it turns out, his definition of those in need didn’t strictly cover victims or would be victims. Borrowing a sausage from my hotdog, he dangled it next to his dog’s face, “Deserves a visit from Eisenhower.”

“Schpunks!” The Colonel commanded, and the Eisenhower’s jaws latched onto the sausage savagely (and I was actually afraid Eisenhower would latch onto mine, so I covered my privates). With the force of discipline it did not eat the sausage until its master gave it permission to. All that training at headquarters with the dildo mannequin paid off, though I suspected that Eisenhower knew such a command long before any of us joined Colonel Stars and Stripes.


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Sat Apr 04, 2015 5:51 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Raven!

Here to continue reading this fanfiction of yours. I was interested in knowing what was going to happen the morning afterwards because I wanted to know if Mindy did in fact manage to sleep in the end, and if she still harboured anger towards Dave. Which she did to a pretty hefty degree as well. But we see it all gets resolved in the end, and they seem to be back on track. Which is perfect because I was hoping we wouldn't end up going over this problem again. I hope this solution here is the permanent one. Maybe not to ending her nightmares completely, but at least to the whole conflict that has formed between them because of it. It was interesting to see and well written! I do have a few more nitpicks for you than usual.

Before we start on the nitpicks I want to mention a character I feel like is hitting the backburner a bit too much. We haven't heard much from their dad at all, and even if he does work a lot I still think he needs to be in there. In most novels parents tend to get pushed to the side so the story can progress the way the writer wants. But dad was a pretty big part of the novel at the beginning and I think he should remain in there a bit more. At least spare some appearances for him.

Gave her a hard slap in the face.
I could hear the sound of my palm smacking her soft cheek, hard.


Maybe the repetition of saying the word 'hard' in relation to the slap was to emphasise that it was a pretty hard one. But personally I would've wanted a different adjective there for the second time if you have to have one, because I already know it is hard. You could either cut the word from the end of the second sentence or have something else put there instead. It's really up to you!

I had to keep reminding myself that I love her, that she was my sister


I feel like then you could even have a voice in his heard reminding her that she wasn't actually his sister, that she was adopted and didn't have to be her problem. And then we could have a little bit of inner conflict going on that he has to be her sister, because he took away Big Daddy from her and she is all they have left. That would've been a nice place to introduce a different kind of conflict because it would blend in so well.

I certainly weren’t coming up with a solution.


Weren't should be wasn't.

It hurts like nothing I was used to


If you say 'hurts' then it makes it present tense. So we need to get rid of the 's' on the end there.

I knew I’d done more than what the average brother I heard tell about could ever do in a lifetime.


No need for the words 'I heard tell about' in this sentence. It just makes the sentence harder to understand, and we get what you are trying to implicate without it being there.

glaring at her cereals.


No need for the 's' on the end, cereal already indicates to everything there.

Good chapter :) I will keep reading for more, because that little section with Justice Forever on the end there makes me curious to know what they will be getting up to.

Deanie x




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Sat Mar 07, 2015 1:33 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello there, Dark Raven!

This relapse of Mindy is actually pretty unnerving. She's suddenly gone from being that sweet little, actually innocent, girl to this girl with a monstrous rage. Has Dave thought about the sedative and how it might be coming time to use it again? That might be something very heavy on his mind. Who knows.

Rereading through this, I did notice there being mention of Doctor Paul again, but it really makes me wonder how long ago this was. There wasn't any mention of another talk with him since Mindy's birthday party, until now. Yet, the consistent bloody nose might bring up some concern, I would think. Since one, its reoccuring and two, it always happens right after the nightmares. Has he not even thought about checking her out again? Because chronic nose bleeds can be signs of serious illnesses.

Dave's rage here seems interesting. On the one hand it seems perfectly normal, since Mandy is suddenly rejecting him for doing anything a normal brother would do. But on the other hand, he kinds of deserves it. He did blame Mandy for something that she didn't really have control of (back after the fair) and since then they've been on rocky turf. He has been going back into the superhero-ing even though he had to stop for her own sake. There's a way to both sides.

So, I feel like a lot of the stuff going on at the base has been really dulled down. They've done a lot of work to the actual base, but here it kind of seems like there was extra training that was somehow skimmed over? I'm wondering what kind of things do they do? Perhaps go into this more.

(My technical advice and the mentioning with the Mindy being slapped still stands. However, I understand more how she's still vulnerable little Mandy, but obviously Dave hasn't been dancing around her enough to cancel out all the rage that boils down below the surface in Mindy's thoughts.)

Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~




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Sun Feb 22, 2015 11:24 pm
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hey again, Dark!

This was a quite nice chapter, with all the nice making up-ness between Dave and Mandy (Mindy?) and you do a really great job getting into Dave's head and showing us that emotion that boils under his skin.

The particular scene about Dave slapping Mandy was quite interesting, since he tries to care for her, but it appears something get too much, and I notice that they are quite similar in the sense that they have quite fiery tempers. Yet, I don't quite understand what tips it off and what doesn't. Why didn't Mandy strike back instantly with some kind of 'pillow attack' like the night before?

For the most part, I was able to follow this really well, up until the last two paragraphs with the Colonel Stars and Stripes business, but that's to be expected with not reading into it, is it not? And another thing you did quite well with balancing out the dialogue and narration and all that, and I'm left with curious thoughts.

So, Dave is some kind of super hero, isn't he? And Mandy is just his adopted sister. So, what's up with her dreams. It wouldn't add up. Is this some kind of world with everyone being some super hero/having abilities?

One technical thing before I end off is that there seems to be a lot of pronouns starting each sentence, which can sometimes render spots of your writing repetitive and choppy. It's not too horrible, but there are moments where I will slip out of the story and notice those little things. Try spicing up your sentences, starting with descriptions over articles and pronouns. Maybe actions even.

Overall, you're doing great! I guess I will continue on. Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~




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Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:17 pm
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Dracula wrote a review...



Hello, D4RKR4VEN! Happy Review Day, well, what's left of it at least. :)

When reading your story I was really impressed by your writing style. It was simple yet told me everything that I needed to know; I was able to dive right into the story and you trapped me there. Keep writing like you do! Below are the few mistakes I found, or things which didn't sound quite right.

Blood was coming out of her nose, dripping down her mouth, her chin and finally forming droplets that splashed on the floor.
The 'finally' in here doesn't flow right when I read the sentence. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I actually thought you'd meant to type 'finely'.

“Mandy?” I called out to her, but she didn’t respond. She continued crossing her arms, glaring at her cereals
Cereals doesn't need to be a plural.

Then it hit me that those eyes on her head weren’t evil – she was just a kid who felt disenchanted.
I think I know what you mean- she isn't experiencing a childhood with fairies and what not, she's having to grow up? But can you think of a better word for disenchanted? I would say disengaged, but that's completely different. :p

As it turns out, his definition of those in need didn’t strictly cover victims or would be victims.
A little bit more detail would be nice.

There you go! I hope this helped you.





Anne felt that life was really not worth living without puffed sleeves.
— L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables